Alright! So I am going to try to keep it up with the journaling. B) This actually does help me a lot.

So Z did text me back at about 1 am my time saying congrats on the roommate. Based on what I know now since he returned... Pretty sure he was ignoring me for a while, but whatever. That's just how he is. You can't expect people to change, really. To be with them, you need to learn to accept them for who they are. Last Sunday, I picked him up for the airport. I honestly didn't know how it would go. I kept telling myself not to get too excited. He would probably be super jet-lagged and not really talk. I didn't know if I would feel happy or flipped out to see him... Driving over, I told myself I needed to act happy and excited. Don't act weird. So I tried.

I got out and hugged and kissed him hello and then I drove him to his apartment. He talked the whole time about the trip and it did put me more at ease to know what had happened. Joseph had told me it really helped him a lot when Tina called him when she was gone. I wanted Z and I to talk on the phone too. I think it would have helped, but I was also scared it would have potentially made me more anxious. So I ended up never asking him. I really wanted to come off as a strong independent. Fake it until you make it, right?

We got dinner and he continued talking about the trip. From what he told me, no one hooked up with random girls in these countries. One of the guys flew out his side girl from Kazakhstan. So the friend was with her the whole time. From what Z told me, it didn't sound like he cheated. Then again, he obviously wouldn't tell me if he did. But you have to trust people. If you question them, it just erodes things quickly. I don't want that. He did tell me he missed me. He's not emotional, so hearing he had missed me multiple times melted my heart completely.

So far, nothing has blown up. I spent the night on Thursday and everything was good and fine. It was my long weekend, which means I had Friday-Sunday off from work. On Saturday, we drove up to this winery with this other couple from the board game night. It was actually really nice and fun. Z started talking about where he wants to go next on vacation. The other couple wants to go too so it would be like a group thing. We started talking about going to Croatia. That was somewhere Alex talked about going with his mom. Sometimes the only way I get reassurance that everything is okay in our relationship is through future plans. Z wants to go to some foreign country with me some time next year. That means he's not thinking of ending things with me. I do really want to go somewhere international. I haven't been anywhere since Thailand and South Korea... That was 4 years ago now, wow. With Alex, I wanted to travel with him too. When it was time to request vacation time from work in December, I text time asking what weeks I should try to get. I wanted to go to Japan with him. He never replied. By that point, he had lost interest in me. So hearing Z is thinking about traveling in the future with me is extremely reassuring.

Z also wants to do something for my birthday. We're thinking Cabo or possibly Disneyland. I worry about going to Mexico since they hate US tourists. There's been a lot of deaths in other countries lately for US tourists. They get poisoned and sick.

We spent the night together last night and all was good. Lately he's been more patient. We went to the store twice to get drinks and both times I was super indecisive. Both times he didn't seem bothered at all. Maybe he was just in a bad mood the one day when he got irritated because I couldn't pick a dessert. I have no idea... I think in life, you just have to keep moving forward. Take it one day at a time. Don't future trip too much.

In my whole life experience, everything that happened, happened for a reason. It always leads to something else. Even with my roommate situation... Last time I wrote about how I met that guy and he agreed to be my new roommate. I was so relieved and happy. It was so easy, I couldn't believe it. We planned for him to be added to the lease some time in August. A little more than a week after we agreed to be roommates, he backed out. He text me telling me his best friend offered him a room for $900. He felt really bad about backing out, but he couldn't turn down saving so much extra money and living with his best friend. He said I would surely find someone else easily as my apartment is really nice. I was so disappointed and immediately became super stressed after I read that message. I was back to square one. If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

So I put my room ad back up and I was only getting messages from people I wasn't interested in. Before I agreed to be roommates with the guy, I was receiving a bunch of messages from girls. I kind of wrote them all off. Before when I had interviewed girls to be my roommate, they always had a boyfriend. They said the boyfriend would be staying over like 4 times a week and they would have their friends over too. I am very not about that. I want a roommate who is quiet and doesn't have guests over. But since I was only receiving messages from people who I was completely uninterested in, I reached back out to a couple of these girls. Pretty much all were still interested.

Before showing people the apartment, I ask them to video chat with me. I interview them to make sure we are compatible roommates. One girl was available right away for video chat, so we did. To my surprise, we seemed extremely compatible. The other two girls haven't gotten back to me yet, so I sort of assume they aren't interested. With this girl, we made plans to meet today for her to see the apartment. Now, my current roommate is being very weird about this whole situation. I asked him in the beginning of July to please clean his bedroom and bathroom. I wanted to start showing the apartment soon to potential roommates since he was leaving. I text him and he said sure. I then asked what days worked for him for showing the apartment. He ignored me not once, but twice. He's also ignoring me on paying the utilities... He left on vacation and I don't know when he's coming back. It's really nice having him gone.

It makes things very weird in terms of showing the apartment, though. What I have to do is show the potential roommates the complex, the common area of my apartment, and then a vacant apartment with the same floor plan as me. That way they can see what the bedroom and bathroom look like...

The girl came today and she liked everything. She wasn't as easy to talk to as the guy who had agreed to be my roommate, but it all seemed very compatible. We agreed to be roommates and made an appointment for her to be added to my lease next Sunday. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that she won't back out like the other guy... Nothing is set in stone until she signs the lease. She said she wouldn't back out, but you never know. She's more like me where she would rather live with as few people as possible with her own bathroom. Whatever is meant to happen will happen.

That's where life is at right now. Until next time!