------Its so wrong but I'm through. I'm gonna go back into the sphere of isolation that I held myself in for a long time. Stuck in my covalent dreams with the girl that never existed in the first place. Because I have cut off all my escape routes in hopes for something better. And because no one out there can accept the darkness in my eyes and heart. So I decided to walk back, walk back to where it all started. Cut off the world from my heart as I know it. Irony that there is still guilt and regret that still circulates within my bloodstream. And even though I walked this path to rid of it, it manages to manifest itself again in a new form of guilt for someone else. Make that guilt that manifests in the forms of several people, who may have forgiven me. But alas, I cannot forgive myself for the actions I have caused. So thus I'll run away, from all the problems I have caused. And slaughter the rest of the memories, and the monster who I've become into the abyss that I lost myself in in the first place.
------ I wish I never have let you go, please take me back. Lets go back to those vermillion dreams I lost myself in. Lets paint eyes over our eyelids and close our eyes, so that we can see the most ideal forms of each other. Create our desires within among another. Because you're the only one who understood me in the first place, because we carry the same burden, the same hurt. And even though you're not real, please hold my hand again. I'm sorry that I dismembered you and hid the pieces of your body into the black ocean. Even if I have to look for pieces of you and stitch you back together, please love me again. I'm pathetic aren't I? That I murdered you because you held me down, and prevented me from expressing who I am. Yet you were only doing that to protect everyone from the grotesque being that I am. To protect everyone from me. And you loved me so much that you were willing to become the seal, the barrier between me and everyone else. Please take me back, as you're the only one who has ever loved the villain that I am. Let me spend the rest of my days figuring out a way to die, so that I can join you on the other side.
------I'm so sorry, thanks for reading. This is Anikacy, who is the monster, and who misses you so dearly.
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I've been writing in this since I was thirteen in 2007. I still am writing in it, and it will probably be my legacy till the day I die. (Don't start reading from the beginning as my writing was atrocious then.)
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