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------I'm stronger than this. I'd like to believe so. It just feels so wrong to give up and throw it all away. I've surviving but I feel like all I'm doing is trying to survive. I'm tired. I want to rest. I wanna close my eyes and never wake up. Ani would be disappointed in me if I gave up that easily though. I wouldn't mind though If I just died any moment now. I don't regret a thing, at least I think so.

------Its cold but I'm not sure how I feel. One moment I feel hot and another I feel the opposite. It hurts to speak and it feels like I'm drowning in my own spit at times. I feel lethargic most of the time though but maybe thats because I've given up on myself the past few days. I don't feel like eating. I want it to end here. Days just seem to phase and pass from the view of this bed. I knew I shouldn't have went to that party but it changes nothing. In the end I'd still contract it when they had gotten home. Covid-19 Take 2, I'd joke around but my mom told me I wasn't funny. My demons are whispering in my ear again which is probably why I'm back here. I guess it doesn't help that my best friend doesn't wanna talk to me.

------I'll be okay though. My body will recover. And just like the others before her they will all fade into memory. My mom asked me the other day why I don't talk to Edgenis anymore. I told her we just grew out of each other's lives despite the fact he was deeply embedded in mine at one point. I still miss him to this day, even though I think of him less and less as the days go by.

------There is a battle going on inside me both biologically and emotionally. My immune system is doing its best to flush out this virus. I'm there climbing the mountain in my mind. I will make it to the top, just like how I physically did back in September. I will come out stronger I know it. If I don't, I will die trying. After all I have nothing left to lose. I've accepted my mortality last year and I haven't changed. Whatever happens, I'll embrace it, death or not.

Thank you for being a part of my life. Anikacy out.