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Es tiempo por nueva cosas.
I have been thinking. It is probably time for me to approach someone else at least on some level instead of bothering Taylor all the time when she can't even be bothered to be real with me. I think I deserve to get past all the frontin' she does, but that's really only a decision she can make. For all I ******** know she hates me and it really bothers me. I have been completely honest and open with her and have only been rebuffed repeatedly. It hurts. I just want to be a good friend to her but apparently she doesn't really want to be the same to me either that or we probably have different concepts of what a friend is. My friends are the people I let passed my walls. She doesn't really do that. It makes it hard for me to want to continue letting her in when the relationship is one sided. I can't force her to trust me, but I don't know what else I can do to show her I am completely trustable and really do care.
I talked to Brittany a tiny bit today. We are both terrified of each other. This is probably mostly my fault because I wasn't talkative enough with her and now there is awkwardness. We are both shy so I will have to be the one to make the move I guess. I will talk to her, learn somethings about her, tell her a bit about myself and offer her friendship. It will probably work.... maybe. Idfk. She's really cute and more importantly really nice. She also probably likes me given by the scarrediness she exhibits around me she doesn't exhibit around other people. There isn't really any other reason she would be scared around me we barely even know each other. She also looks at me a lot and then looks away right as I notice. Time to change that I guess if she wants to also. Yo no quiero hasta miercoles pero no nos hablemos por eso espero. sad
I'm not completely oblivious I just haven't made a move 'cause stuff. Mostly because I kinda want to actually freaking be wanted enough for someone to actually approach me for ******** once. Shes too scared though. It's kinda my fault for not giving her enough attention also. I may have mislead her into thinking I wasn't interested. I am not going to reject someone like her.... that doesn't mean she knows that. Once we become friends we'll see where that goes. It would be cool to have another fun person to hang out with. ^^ I can always use more friends. I have a gut feeling she is lonely also. The world is such a lonely place. I think I can make it less lonely for another person; I just need to swallow my fear and act I guess.
It's kinda late to be acting. We only have 3 more classes. and I only have a 50% chance of seeing her one of the fri or mon classes, so 1.5 classes approx. I have to act weds. I hope she shows up to class that day. Worst case scenario is I will prob see her in fall. I need more friends who are girls. Its always such a sausagefest 'cause nerdy girls are kinda to find that are legit. Usually they're just fake nerds. Damn women always be frontin'.
-sigh-
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