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We haven't talked in a while. Im lying in bed just wondering what I'm gonna do. I keep worrying about whats going to happen after this year. I'm scared. I'm absolutely horrified of whats coming. You're dad's condition is getting worse, and I can't bring myself to talk to you. I'm pathetic aren't I? I'm writing in a virtual journal everything that I want to get out because a part of me hopes that nobody will ever see this, but the other part is reaching out to someone for advice. I want to be over you. I'm tired being scared of losing you. I want to move on and be happy. But i can't. I've tried talking to other girls, and I want to like them. I want to fall in love all over again with someone new that I can be happy with, but none of them are you. Man, I can go on for days about how amazing you looked on saturday night at the celtic christmas concert. The same old choir girl dress, but your hair done up the way it was, I don't think I have ever seen someone so beautiful in person. Funny thing is, I see you that way no matter how you look, but that night was bittersweet for that was the place we had our first kiss back when we first started dating. I walked right past the arches where it happened and all I could do was wish that you and I were still like that. I want to take you to prom, and hold you on valentines day, and celebrate the 20th of april as the day when we first became a couple. But I guess that isn't happening, the way things are going now. I'm running out of time, and things aren't improving. someone please help.