yum_onigiri x5
I had another blank out today and I'm starting to think these really are my memories. This time I was making sushi in anticipation for my loved one to try it and my vision went black again for a moment. I had recalled a clear memory of running through the trees playing tag with my older sister when we we're children (You know when we didn't hate each other). I can remember the scent of the swamp and the sounds of frogs and nature's inhabitants sounding off like a unyielding rhythm. I was happy. I was running for so long, busting through bushes and being narrowly hit in the face by the reaching arms of an overgrown blackberry bush. I stumbled and fell through into the hands of an old willow tree. I could hear the sound of running water and smell the scent of magnolias again and lavender from the old barn across the bayous water. Lavender grew there like wildflowers and I could see it from where I was standing. It was a peaceful moments dominated by the sounds of nature around me. I turned and my older sister busted through the low hanging branches and she pointed there across the way to the old barn. We talked about going there but it would be impossible. I told her it wasn't safe to cross the water by foot. We didn't know what could be in the water. Gators, bugs, and just to make her squeak I mentioned leeches. I snapped back into consciousness holding the bowl of sticky rice in my hands and I blinked a few times to push away the foggy feeling I felt come over me.
It's been a few years since I've last made sushi. I can't remember very well but I know I had made it once before when I lived in the apartment complex when I was 13.. I think. Well whatever it was I believe it to be true because my body seemed to remember doing it. It didn't take a whole lot of thought on what I should make it with. I used crab meat, avocado, cream cheese, and finely diced bell pepper. I switched them around so they would all be different combinations. I kind of felt nervous making them. I made them with him in mind and I hope that they taste ok. I put a lot of thought into it and I guess here goes nothing. I'm not good at cooking in the slightest. I burn water.... Nough said.. however I tried my best so I can only cross my fingers and hope he finds them to his liking.
Afterwards I ended up using the stoner contraption I had devised and smoked for a while until the nagging fog in my mind and the pain that had erupted in my ribs died down. I've been trying to stay away from cigarettes. I almost ending up smoking one today but quickly shook the thought off my mind and remembered the promise I had made. I don't like making promises.. It's hard for me to promise something and not feel insanely guilty about breaking it. I had made a promise to the one I treasure most so I can't just ignore it. I've broken promises to him before and It leaves an ache in my chest I don't like. I'm the same way with lying. It's rather difficult for me to do.
My mother is ill again. I think we both have colds. I've been feeling really spacey and weak this past week and my body aches something terrible. I am excited however, I get to see him again this weekend. I'm feeling nervous. I know I've spent a whole month or more away from him but I'll miss him terribly. I'm thinking about taking a camera with me and taking pictures of churo everywhere. Ill sneak the camera if I have too and get them developed every weekend when I'm off of work and I want to send them to him along with letters. I've gotten far too used to sleeping at his side as of late so I will need to bring melatonin with me... A lot of it. Hopefully that will knock me out well enough.
I'm not afraid thought even though I feel nervous about going. It's something I want to do. I'm more than willing to go work and stay in a tent every night among many others who have made the choice with me to do so. I hope I get along with everyone. I don't mind the isolation but people piss me off so easily. I'm glad to be working and doing something I love. I get to work with the environment and build habitats and such. I'm not so sure on exactly what will all happen but I want to do this. It will be an experience I'm sure many don't get to have. As well as the memories I'd make and it'll look hella good on my collage application and what not.
I have to go take my permit test today at 8 am. I'm preparing myself in the best way I can. I will not fail it this time >W< It'll ruin all my plans to get a car of my own. I'm at this moment taking a lot of practice tests and preparing myself more just in case. I have a lot going on this weekend actually. I will stay with laughter for a while and bid him goodbye Thursday or Wednesday. When I get back I'm going to have a sleepover with a few of my close chick friends. I'm not one for the painting of nails and braiding hair.. (ick...was gross just to say), but I do have several horror movies, some Doritos and some snacks I can make. So it'll be fun. They insist that they want to spend time with me before I leave. Which if I'm honest with myself I'm happy about. I always feel like an outcast and that I never belong anywhere. And if Taisha. THE Taisha. You know unable to kick a puppy...completly unable to do anything bad, Taisha. (Her nicknames Taisha Fairy..Careful get to close and she'll throw sunshine dust on you...) I don't hang out with them often other than school and it was nice that they took so much interest in spending time with me. It makes me feel a little less alone.
Ah, l forgot to mention that I've been sketching very little recently. I feel like I've got writers block but with drawing.. I need some inspiration. A moment of bliss? A striking feeling... Something relevant that leaves me in an inspired mood. Perhaps I just need to go down by the river when I get to his house and spend some times to myself with my sketch pad and just draw with the only thing keeping me company would be the sounds of the landscape around me. Perhaps I should do that. It would give him a chance to play his games and I can geek out and draw.
One of these days I just want to have him sit still and draw him. Those eyes of his stir a feeling in my chest that burns in the warmest way. If I wasn't too shy I would ask him. But, as is custom I get all shy and I can't speak. I'm getting better though and letting him in more and telling him my thoughts more often lately which is good.
I wrote a poem last night that reminded me of the twists and turns in my life.
Through the willows eyes, seen and unseen by the world it wraps its caressing embrace around.
There lies a world in which I cannot reach in this sullen place.
When I lay my head on my pillow and stare out at the sky that we both know I gaze upon skies of indigo.
It is here I will close the distance and bring to light all that is wrapped in my dark thoughts.
I raise my hand and reach for that desolate moon that binds me in its curious glow.
These stars above my head could not bring me close enough to the place I truly wish to be.
Running through empty corridors and closing my eyes wishing away all the bad, I can't sit still.
I can run a mile and never feel the warmth nor will I ever wish to close my eyes and shut out the world lest I lose my grip on my humanity.
The cold that creeps through my veins will only be truly forgotten in the moons kiss.
A single embrace and the stars that shine through my window.
They shine upon a world only I know.[/b]
My eccentricities aside I'm really in the mood to walk lately. I enjoy the warmth that night brings in the summer time. I find the world more alive when it is filled with shadows than when it is consumed by the light.
What am I listening too?
Here you go
Pika Girl DJ S3RL
It's been a few years since I've last made sushi. I can't remember very well but I know I had made it once before when I lived in the apartment complex when I was 13.. I think. Well whatever it was I believe it to be true because my body seemed to remember doing it. It didn't take a whole lot of thought on what I should make it with. I used crab meat, avocado, cream cheese, and finely diced bell pepper. I switched them around so they would all be different combinations. I kind of felt nervous making them. I made them with him in mind and I hope that they taste ok. I put a lot of thought into it and I guess here goes nothing. I'm not good at cooking in the slightest. I burn water.... Nough said.. however I tried my best so I can only cross my fingers and hope he finds them to his liking.
Afterwards I ended up using the stoner contraption I had devised and smoked for a while until the nagging fog in my mind and the pain that had erupted in my ribs died down. I've been trying to stay away from cigarettes. I almost ending up smoking one today but quickly shook the thought off my mind and remembered the promise I had made. I don't like making promises.. It's hard for me to promise something and not feel insanely guilty about breaking it. I had made a promise to the one I treasure most so I can't just ignore it. I've broken promises to him before and It leaves an ache in my chest I don't like. I'm the same way with lying. It's rather difficult for me to do.
My mother is ill again. I think we both have colds. I've been feeling really spacey and weak this past week and my body aches something terrible. I am excited however, I get to see him again this weekend. I'm feeling nervous. I know I've spent a whole month or more away from him but I'll miss him terribly. I'm thinking about taking a camera with me and taking pictures of churo everywhere. Ill sneak the camera if I have too and get them developed every weekend when I'm off of work and I want to send them to him along with letters. I've gotten far too used to sleeping at his side as of late so I will need to bring melatonin with me... A lot of it. Hopefully that will knock me out well enough.
I'm not afraid thought even though I feel nervous about going. It's something I want to do. I'm more than willing to go work and stay in a tent every night among many others who have made the choice with me to do so. I hope I get along with everyone. I don't mind the isolation but people piss me off so easily. I'm glad to be working and doing something I love. I get to work with the environment and build habitats and such. I'm not so sure on exactly what will all happen but I want to do this. It will be an experience I'm sure many don't get to have. As well as the memories I'd make and it'll look hella good on my collage application and what not.
I have to go take my permit test today at 8 am. I'm preparing myself in the best way I can. I will not fail it this time >W< It'll ruin all my plans to get a car of my own. I'm at this moment taking a lot of practice tests and preparing myself more just in case. I have a lot going on this weekend actually. I will stay with laughter for a while and bid him goodbye Thursday or Wednesday. When I get back I'm going to have a sleepover with a few of my close chick friends. I'm not one for the painting of nails and braiding hair.. (ick...was gross just to say), but I do have several horror movies, some Doritos and some snacks I can make. So it'll be fun. They insist that they want to spend time with me before I leave. Which if I'm honest with myself I'm happy about. I always feel like an outcast and that I never belong anywhere. And if Taisha. THE Taisha. You know unable to kick a puppy...completly unable to do anything bad, Taisha. (Her nicknames Taisha Fairy..Careful get to close and she'll throw sunshine dust on you...) I don't hang out with them often other than school and it was nice that they took so much interest in spending time with me. It makes me feel a little less alone.
Ah, l forgot to mention that I've been sketching very little recently. I feel like I've got writers block but with drawing.. I need some inspiration. A moment of bliss? A striking feeling... Something relevant that leaves me in an inspired mood. Perhaps I just need to go down by the river when I get to his house and spend some times to myself with my sketch pad and just draw with the only thing keeping me company would be the sounds of the landscape around me. Perhaps I should do that. It would give him a chance to play his games and I can geek out and draw.
One of these days I just want to have him sit still and draw him. Those eyes of his stir a feeling in my chest that burns in the warmest way. If I wasn't too shy I would ask him. But, as is custom I get all shy and I can't speak. I'm getting better though and letting him in more and telling him my thoughts more often lately which is good.
I wrote a poem last night that reminded me of the twists and turns in my life.
Through the willows eyes, seen and unseen by the world it wraps its caressing embrace around.
There lies a world in which I cannot reach in this sullen place.
When I lay my head on my pillow and stare out at the sky that we both know I gaze upon skies of indigo.
It is here I will close the distance and bring to light all that is wrapped in my dark thoughts.
I raise my hand and reach for that desolate moon that binds me in its curious glow.
These stars above my head could not bring me close enough to the place I truly wish to be.
Running through empty corridors and closing my eyes wishing away all the bad, I can't sit still.
I can run a mile and never feel the warmth nor will I ever wish to close my eyes and shut out the world lest I lose my grip on my humanity.
The cold that creeps through my veins will only be truly forgotten in the moons kiss.
A single embrace and the stars that shine through my window.
They shine upon a world only I know.[/b]
My eccentricities aside I'm really in the mood to walk lately. I enjoy the warmth that night brings in the summer time. I find the world more alive when it is filled with shadows than when it is consumed by the light.
What am I listening too?
Here you go
Pika Girl DJ S3RL
yum_onigiri
