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That's what I told myself when I'm feeling down. Mostly because I try to BS myself when things get out of hand mainly the things that goes out of control. It's already gonna be half way in the year and things just doesn't seem right but I bet your year feels good maybe fresh -- maybe you're just going with the motion it happens.
You know the year with kind of fast yet it feels slow but more and more we keep moving forward on this journal thats call life the more we just want to go back.
Anyway let me slap on what junk I did these last few months. I haven't encounter any interesting person that made me want to get close too but I did witness a kidnapping but I still don't think it's like official kind of thing since it could be something else -- even if they force her to get in a car.
I with to this shower once and sat at park looking at some of the couples kissing and holding hands. It did made me feel lonely even that human contact is always a need in everyone reality but its something I kind of don't want to deal with again but I did met this person notices me. It felt awkward since I don't normally talk to people that aren't nor are my peers even most subject on a one and one chatter I mainly would try my best not to show a sign that I'm superior then you and you should try and keep up. It's something I hate about talking one on one even if it end up with a mind game kind of issue. We talk for a bit and hang out its funny thinking about it now since normally I'm mainly alone in these kind of things and always looking at people clothes and see how I would draw but thats what I hate about myself sometimes.
Like this one time I with to a mall there is a lot of people and I saw an idea of taking pictures of people for clothes theyre wearing as ref even at the time when I was thinking in my head and playback scenarios in my head on how things would turn out I can picture virtual novel here. It's silly thinking about it but wondering mindlessly and somehow ended up at a sex shop still makes me laugh even stuff they had kind of scared me. I didn't do much on my birthday beside laying on my back just thinking since that all I do but I somewhat notices my drawing skills are improving but I don't feel like it is. The idea of making my own book or comic always make me excited even its a foolish dreams you know? I did remember a man I work with few years ago telling me how I could publish it yet I'm mainly scared of black boxes even when I talk about black boxes I'm mainly talking about unknown factors. "Eat your meal like it's your last." it's what someone told me once that came to mind when I'm chewing on food but anyway I once again had those dreams of running away from something. It's starting to become troublesome when you think about it but sadly I don't think it matters anymore. I'm kind of annoyed with people sometimes mainly because we all different people.
I with to this one shower last two weeks I thought it was random since I was wearing my wolf plush hat I got a discount even that you get a discount if you dress up as a zombie. I had no clue I just wanted to look silly. This biker and I talk'd for while and I thought it was great since he was excited on having good business with this group of people who are throwing a show at this place since VWF close down and they had no where to go but they do have very good food. I also encounter old friends and band member I know yet it feel odd but the thing that threw me off was the biker when he called me "cool" I don't see it but hearing it from him I'm kind of happy you know even if this year may look like s**t it might turn out well.
I got new glasses I did the whole "Did you expected some" meme thing the person I was like told me to shut up and I felt a cold shoulder on me. . . even at the time when I was reading I was reading time magazine about violence on tv what I think its silly since here in the US they're always looking for something to blame for other people mistakes mainly with the walking dead with the whole idea of the show teaching you how to commit murder. I pretty much sigh on how stupid people can be to do anything then get over work on something that on tv.
Overall I did end up laying on my bed thinking since I always think and playback scenarios on my head on what if stories but sometimes I do wish people don't drag me down on some drama bomb again.
~ayame