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-sigh-
The Luna in me cries out for him every night. I'm living this life that I wanted to share with him and it hurts like hell. She cries out his name in my sleep. She cries out for him when we have a nightmare. She cries out for him when we need a hug. Hell, she cries out for him just for conversational reasons. I know that we have to move on. He made it quite clear that he no longer wanted us. And for the most part I have moved on. But she hasn't. I don' t think she ever will. I will admit that I still think about him from time to time. It doesn't really help that she can't STOP thinking about him. It would be nice if I had a "Normal" sleep schedule, but working graveyards THAT just isn't possible. In the hours that I stay up after work, she buts in with this whole, "Contact him, godd*** it!" crap that I really just don't want to deal with. It's been close to a year, let it go. It's been MONTHS since he last initiated contact. In fact he didn't reply to the last message that I sent, so why bother? This is the problem with remembering your past lives. They come back and haunt your a**. It's infuriating. It's gotten so bad that I never want to be alone. I want someone near me constantly, so I'm not left alone with my thoughts. And her. I won't lie. I'm still mad but I'm also hurt. The things that were said... I apologized. I knew I was angry. I should have told him that we would continue said discussion after I had calmed down. And there were moments where things were getting better and we were working things out. But... Well, I don't want to get into that. Honestly, I just need someone to talk to about all of this. Someone that ISN'T biased. Someone that will just listen. She keeps reminding me that he was good at that... F*** this. I'm going to go take a couple of PM's and PTFO.
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