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They broke up and now they are back together again. I'm pretty pissed. See they are both my friends so what am I supposed to do? I know exactly how this ends. She gets totally ******** up. Calls me and we talk about it. She crys and I tell her they aren't meant to be, that there is some one who is right for her. I honestly don't know what happens with him cuz he doesn't call me. I called him today after I found out they were together again. I acted like a b***h, he hung up on me. I don't blame him. (I probably would of done the same) I don't think anyone truely understands the situation. I think I know her better than anyone else because we are so similar that it is frightening. I know exactly how she feels. I think a lot the things she does. The main difference is that she tells people and I only tell my diary.

I know how ******** up she gets because I know how ******** up I got when the person I loved most in the world quit loving me. I'll just tell you this off the bat, she was my best friends not a lover, but in the end it is the same principle. I loved her so much, and one day she stopped loving me. At first I couldn't believe it, that she could just replace me. Once I knew it to be true I wanted to die. I felt so worthless. I cried and cried and cried. I still ******** cry about it. It was two monthes and ten days ago that I found out. It still hurts, but it is better that way. See if we had continued to be best friends I would of tried to be perfect, then probably killed myself after high school. I knew I couldn't be with her forever so I didn't want to live after she was gone. She stopped loving me and I guess that in the end it was better that way cuz I'm not gonna kill myself over her. It has had some negitive effects on me. Such as going numb for quite a while. As well as for not giving a s**t about anyone or anything. I mean I still care about people, but I care a lot less. I relized that you can't live your life for one person because when they leave you feel empty. Which is worse than being depressed.

I know how this ends all to well, I know how she feels. I know that her story won't have a happy ending if they are together. They seem happy while they are together, but when they break up, she goes tumbling down. I know I was much luckier than her. I eliminated cutting from my life long before my relationship problems started and she hasn't. I know exactly how easy it is to slip up and cut when you haven't done it in over one year and three monthes; however, I don't know how it feels to have cutting in your life and relationship problems. You it's too bad that people can make you wanna die, yet no one can make you wanna live. It is a choice you have to make. You have to save yourself.

I posted this because they don't wanna hear me say this, but reading is optional, thats the beauty in it. It's open to eveyone who wants to see it and nobody has to read it if they don't wanna.

p.s. I wrote this last night so things like today mean yesterday.