Everything that troubles me comes from feeling alone and conflicted about life. I yearn for affection. I don't need to feel angry or sad. I feel those because I want to.I want to hurt myself because I despise myself. I deliberately hurt myself emotionally and physically I love myself. I let emotions to dictate me so I can feel. I feel nothing for those around me. I talk on the internet because people in real life aren't worth talking to. Maybe, I'm a cynical a*****e or everyone is a ******** idiot. I believed that everything happens for a reason. That belief is dying because I feel for no reason. I have no reason to feel angry and sad toward a person. I don't know if I can call that person a friend because it makes me think of how happy I was given affection by him. I can't understand why I feel hurt that he has found someone. Maybe, I'm jealous, but not about or of her. I'm jealous of him because he has found someone to love him. No one loves me. I'm in denial again. I can't figure out anything.