I have said this in my previous entries before, but I hate shopping. Loathe it, even.

I wish I was a guy.

Now, I hear a lot of girls say this, but their reasoning usually pertains to menstruation. So, like, bleeding once a month is an unfortunate cycle every healthy girl has to go through. It hurts sometimes, yeah, but WHO THE HELL CARES?

Oh gosh, Lucia. You're in a rather.. bright mood today.
Why, yes, yes I am. I feel like murdering someone and visiting their grieving family. emotion_donotwant

I'm mad. Pissed off. At what? At who? Nothing and no one in particular except myself.

Periods are NORMAL things. EVERY girl goes through it. If you're a girl out there, be cool and not complain about it.

Maybe I was lucky enough to be able to bear through the pain. Heck, I even learned to ignore. There are worse things in life. And honestly, the pain we get that week every month, yeah, it's a weakness.

I hate weaknesses. I hate when I am weak and I hate when other people PURPOSELY reveal their weak side. It... I don't know, it grind my gears. scream

Girls who make a big deal of their blood loss every month, I hate those girls. And I'm not one to hate a girl, being one myself, but something in me snaps when I see a person who is LIVING and WELL complain about something NORMAL. I hate it! I can't stand it.

"Oh my gosh, I have a hand." Who cares? That's how I feel when girls go like, "My stomach hurts sooooo much! I wish I was a guy so I don't have to go through this. Ugh, it hurtssss."

Like, you know what I'm talking about? Yes? No?

But what really perks me is when they say, "I wish I was a guy."

Brah, I know how you feel.

There is no superior gender. I act like there is for the fun of it, but in reality, there isn't. Guys have it hard (literally) and girls have it hard (... maybe not too literally).

Both sides are human, both sides suffer pain and agony. But what makes the real difference is the individual.

Growing up in a female body with female thoughts and intelligence, I have no choice but to admit I'm a girl. I hate it. I hate that I'm a girl, and I hate that I hate that I'm a girl.

Lucia, chill. It's fine being a girl.

No, it's not.

Maybe for some people it is, but not for me. And I'm fine with my body. Yeah, I want to be thinner, but that's because of society's idea of beauty. At the same time, I don't want to be skinny because that would mean I gave into society and that I'm stupid to actually believe what advertisements imply.

What I hate is what I do.

I like being smart. Guys could be smart. I like being strong. Guys are strong. I hate having to buy fancy clothes when guys can just wear the same suit on every occasion.

I ought to admit, guys look... extremely pleasing when they wear suits. I don't mind that they wear it all the time because it works. They looks well.

Girls on the other hand... Holy, I see countless dresses everywhere. I see skirts and blouses (whatever those are, I don't really know) and stuff that just screams "hey! Look at how much time, effort, and money I spent into my appearance!"

I hate having to look pretty. I hate not being able to wear jeans and a shirt to weddings. I hate not being able to wear my socks and runners to graduations. I hate all of it.

What I hate is that I hate it. I grew up not liking girls things, and because of that, I don't HAVE many girly things.

That means I have to buy it.

Gawsh, I hate shopping. I hate spending money on something I'll only ever wear once. I hate buying more clothes when I have enough outfits to circulate through the week.

What I hate is that what I'm requested to buy is not what I NEED, is not what I WANT, but what THEY WANT. I'm buying what THEY THINK I WANT, WHAT THEY THINK I NEED.

I don't need it.

I see people out there who say wise things along the lines of how we have to differentiate between our wants and needs.

As a kid, I thought, to heck with that. Why not just calibrate it?

Now, I want what I need, and because I have what I need, I have what I want.

Why can't everyone be like that?

I do want things sometimes, I have to admit. For Christmas, I wanted a yoyo so I could play with something cheap. A few summers ago, I wanted some yarn so I could continue knitting my scarf, on that I plan to use whenever I get around to actually FINISHING it.

I want little things that offer a lasting pleasure. I don't want excessive, expensive, eye-catching material that is merely temporary.

People who get tattoos, I sort of respect you guys. You guys got something that lasts and is, thus, worth it. People who regret getting tattoos, well... I don't hate you guys 'cause I'm sure you're hating yourselves already.

My sister is beautiful, you know. She thin, pale skinned, perfect. She's a girl, and she's proud to be one. She acts like one, dresses like one, IS one.

I don't act like a girl, dress like a girl, or am proud of being girl.

I'm so off topic I forgot my point.

Anyways, I was at the mall today. Have I ever told you how much I hate shopping? I like shopping.. for other people. Actually, not even. I like contributing to the wealth of others. Shopping WITH people is fun, as long as I'm not buying clothes.

You know what I do at the mall? I go to the Lego store and stay there for two hours. Then I go and watch horror films that make no sense at all. I also like eating fries.. and fries and fries and fries. THAT is my idea of an enjoyable trip to the mall.

Today I went to the mall. You know who I was with? My mom and my sister. You know the problem with that? No, it's not because they're family. I'm as loving towards my family as loving as I can get, which isn't saying much, but eh. I didn't want to go with them because they're girls.

Okay, at school, I'm always defending girls. I don't like guys because, secretly, I think guys are better and I hate being inferior. I try my best to earn a good name for girls, but lately, I'm out of everyone's league and I can't even relate to normal humans. Whatever though.

So there we were, the three females of the family, in a mall. Guess where we go? A CLOTHES STORE.

At first, I'm thinking, "Yeah, cool. I'm fine with that." Then my mom sees a dress. It's a pretty dress.

It's black and white. The top is white with a simple floral design reaching around the sides of the arms, which had no sleeves. The bottom was a very free and flowy skirt. The two were sewed together and attached by a wide black belt that hugged firmly around the waist, or at least, it was meant to hug around the waist. It was not crafted out of a stretchy material.

My mom then said, "Lucia, try this on for me. I think it would be nice if you wore it to the wedding."

My uncle is getting married. I'll talk about it later.

So after my mom said this, I notice three things that absolutely disgust me. First, ew, a dress. Second, ew, me in a dress. Third, ew, $100.00 for that? Not worth it.

Then, I'm forced to go unwillingly to the fitting room where I try on the extra small size. Then the small size. then the extra small size. Then the small size.

The extra small didn't fit around my rib cage. I've got pretty masculine ribs for a girl, and apparently dresses weren't made for that. The small fit, I suppose? It was loose everywhere, but in the oddest way.

Like, apparently, "small" people were supposed to have a massive bust? Like, who decided that? The clothes designers? Well, "small" people aren't prone to size D's so uh, yeah.

The waist belt didn't fit either. I mean, it fit nicely with the extra small, but that had the rib problem.

Have you guys ever gone on a diet? No? Neither have I. But I'm assuming what I felt with the size small dress is what you'd feel after trying on something old of your after having a successful go at a diet. It didn't fit, but you could tell it was made for humans, idk.

So after FOREVER of trying on dresses, my mom said, "let's buy dresses later."


I just got really mad because I realized my mom and my sister are exactly the type of people who I don't like in the real world. I can't hate them though. They're family. Ohana, you know?

Gosh, if I was a guy, none of this would have happened.
That's why I want to be a guy. I want to be not be ridiculed when I play games! I want an excuse to be... idk, awesome.

Guys, don't ever say you want to be a girl. It's the stupidest thing ever.

Today's lyrics are:
Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away
And all your money won't another minute buy

I may have used this song already, but eh. I finally understood it yesterday, so now I really like it. Guess the song's title and artist and a reward shall be granted! Thanks for reading and goodnight if it's night! yum_puddi