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The Worse Kind
I tend to be overly paranoid, for example, a few years back when I was dating my 'x' she fell and had to have surgery on her ankle. We didn't talk for like half a month and I started freaking out. I went all paranoid asking if she was seeing someone else and she just laughed because she was in crutches and had just had surgery on her ankle .. I felt so silly. Right now I am being paranoid again, I know she's working and it exhausts her but how come she can't send a single text? I know matters are so much different now, I know someone reading this will think, 'she doesn't want to talk to you, duh. She's your 'x.' I just don't understand it .. It's not fair really, at all .. I had cornea transplants and as soon as I could I was calling her, but like I said, I know we are different in that aspect. I know she hates the phone, but you know what? I don't like talking on the phone at all either. I only have a cell for her; it's all about her. She is such a brat! I always give and give and give and then she says I don't care and that I wasn't trying with our relationship! I never understood that, I tried to give her everything I thought she wanted ... but it just felt like it was never good enough. All I wanted was just an ounce of what I gave her back. I wanted to feel special too sometimes. Of course there were those moments when she'd do something cute or special just for me and I'd be like .. omg .. it was just so special and perfect. She was scared and nervous though, that's why she didn't do it much. OMG, I just don't get how we didn't work out when I know nearly all the dysfunctions of the relationship, I know all the mistakes I made, I knew her. But me, I wanted more ... I wanted to be smothered in love, I wanted it my way .. But I thought I at least deserved a little extra after seven years? You know, I don't think she really stopped loving me. I think she still loves me .. I think she just wants to teach me a lesson? I think she is just showing me tough love? And that she'll come back eventually? ... ;;cries;;

Wicked Alyce
Community Member
  • [06/28/13 01:51pm]
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  • User Comments: [1]
    You were my everything back then. The one I would run to every time I felt like I couldn't go on. I dropped all I had, everything. I showed you all of my weaknesses. And that in itself should have meant something to you. Me sharing myself like that with you was a big thing to me. I had never really shared myself like that. You were the person that held it all together for me. You were my star, moon, paradise, everything. My star turned violent, my moon hid in the clouds, and my paradise turned corrupt. It was mostly just the way you broke up with me constantly but it was a lot of you telling me 'I don't love you anymore'. And I know you were with damien and kyle and you were probably trying to be like that but its turned over a billion times in my head and it hurt me. It still does. It still makes me cry when I think about it. But we grow a tolerance to everything, pain, medication, even emotions. I still love you, I probably always will. And even if you try and run away and hide in a cabin in the woods, I will find you. I hope one day you will see that everything I did, I tried to show you love. I'm sorry it wasn't enough or the way you wanted it but I did try.

    comment Kitty x Bones · Community Member · Fri Mar 22, 2013 @ 08:09pm
    User Comments: [1]

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