I am in trouble with Karma again.

I tried to go to bed early last night and got woken up because I was too hot. It was nice and stormy, perfect weather, when I went to bed but when I woke up it was sunny as ********. The weather is punishing me for trying to be reasonable.

So, instead of being awake and having the day free to do whatev, I was sleeping AGAIN. Then it remained warm. It did not rain for the rest of the day.


I said I would finish my profile that night I went to bed early. This is punishment for not finishing. I have one little TINY a** part left. SO ******** SUE ME if I wanted to go to bed early FOR ******** ONCE. GOD DAMN YOU FATES.

I hate you.
I hate you so much.
not as much as I hate myself.

I talked with Jordan today. Yipee~ I think I made my roomie jealous, lulz. Whatevs, she has Jayme now. I'm almost purposefully pulling away from her because of it. I know we share more than her and Jayme but still, it bothers me that they are getting closer. Jayme gets annoyed with me and she has so many other friends. I have... my online friends.

; ___ ;

And they

they poof.

And I am alone.

I am alone.

I am so very alone.

This apartment,
My heart,
we are
so alone.
We are
so lonely.

It is almost my birthday. Fib has the same birthday as me, which cheers me up a bit. I cry when I think about surviving another birthday. I'm still alive and I keep finding new meanings, new reasons to be here. Flimsy as they are, they are reasons. Flimsy as my heart and logic is, it is still here. I won't ever ask for help again. I won't ever ask for help again. I won't ever ask for help again. I'm going to have a bad dream tonight, aren't I?