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I really hate it when people can just easily say, "go talk to someone", "go talk to a counselor/therapist", or "call a chatline" because it's not easy, and to my disappointment, I've done all three!

I tried multiple times to reach out to the people who I believe would've listen to me because I thought they were close to me or at least I was to them, but most of them just brushes me away. They either ignore my problems by thinking that they should try to make me laugh and forget what matters to me, or they just remain quiet and say nothing. Most of the time I try to think more positive by making excuses such as, "Maybe they didn't know what to do" and "maybe they didn't know what to say". Yet, sadly, after a while you would've thought they know what to do after they seen you being sad/hurt/depress a couple of times. No. They just continue on with their life and your life isn't worth a crumb to them...

I turn to counselors and therapists... They are the worst of all. They are people who don't even care at all! They are only there to do their job, their hour, and when they are done with you, you're nothing to them! They pretend to understand you and they don't even try to really get to know you or know what's really going on. They expect you to just walk into their office and burst like some bubble on them and tell them every damn thing. It doesn't work like that! Not only that, they don't even help you. The only thing they do is give you a bunch of pamphlets, brochures, and papers that have these "hotlines", "chatline", and whatever else they can give you for you to look for if you ever feel down or upset. They don't care. It's just a job.

Now when you are at your very lowest and you can't even make a single coherent word out of you mouth, don't you think making a call is awkward because the whole time you're not even talking but is making a bunch of muffling, sniffings, and maybe some weird wheezing sound? The person on the other line can't even say anything to you and not to mention how you can't say a word because you don't want anyone else to hear you because it's too personal?

Then, next don't even mention online therapy! They are more worst than making a call! NONE of them online therapy are for free nor are they even for a cheap price! You have to pay a grave amount just to have your voice heard through some online chat which don't even help because those people are all a bunch of fake, money-taking trolls!

In the end, you have no one to turn to...

I have no one to turn to...

I'm not keeping it all in, I don't want to keep it all in, but it would be wonderful if I have someone who actually is willing to listen to my miserable story...wholeheartedly...

This is why it pisses me off that there are people making youtube videos talking about their life doing those annoying index card thing because "oh, they don't have anyone to talk to" but they have the ability to post their whole life on youtube where millions of people can look at it and pity their poor souls.

...wouldn't I love to do that? But I'm not seeking help from millions of people... I just want one person, or just someone who is willing to be there for me when I need them and listen to all the dumb crap I have to tell them.

I guess such thing just doesn't exist because my life isn't important, so why should anyone give a damn about me.

It's not that I'm some narrow minded idiot who only thinks of the negativity in life or see the wrong side of life only, but it's just that... I have my moments of need and moments of where I need someone for comfort... but apparently I can't have that...

Maybe because I ask too/so much.