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A few weeks ago, my fiancé Julian had a heart problem. They rushed him to the hospital and they did a bunch of tests on him and they discovered that his heart has a broken valve. This is really serious. They said that it's evidently hereditary and that we'll have to watch our kids for it when we have kids.

They operated on him and he's at his parents' house recovering. Luckily he works as a programmer so what he does he can do at home. He has all sorts of medication that he has to take now; we're not sure if this is something he will be doing all the rest of his life or not. He's not happy about it. He says it makes him dependent and he hates being dependent on anything. He's really glad he has health care because the bills from this are going to be big. Most of it should be covered; I saw one of the bills and it was thousands of dollars. Yikes!

It's scary. The doctors told us, and by us, I mean me and his family, that this problem could have killed him any time. He could have been hiking or sleeping or just sitting on the glider with me talking and this valve could have gone. He said he was fine, but he felt like he pulled something in his chest and then he went funny and Bam! He was in the hospital with wires all over him and tubes.

It was scary. It was hard watching him lie there connected to machines and looking pale and helpless. Julian is never pale and helpless. He's really active. He's always the one helping other people. He was talking about joining the volunteer fire department once we got married. And now he's not sure he can.

In the space of 24 hours, both our lives have changed. It could have been worse. He could have not gotten to the ER in time. I suppose he could have been oxygen deprived and been damaged. It's scary to think that he could have died. He's the healthiest person I know! And that is one of the things that saved his life, I gather. The fact that he was healthy, that he doesn't smoke and he doesn't drink a lot, that he's not overweight. That he does like to hike and do weights and exercise.

The doctors are optimistic. His next appointment is in, like, two weeks. They think he will make a full recovery and be perfectly fine. Which is good. His spirits are a little under the weather - he's worried about his job if he's working at home all the time. He'll going to have to undergo physical therapy before the doctors release him to go back to work or drive. He looks fine.

And I'm happy I didn't lose him. I really wish I weren't away at school, because being two hours away is too long. Especially if he needs me. It's kind of hard to keep my head in my classes when I keep thinking and worrying about him. I could get a leave if we were married, but because we're not, I don't get a break. *sigh* I'm just so used to him being the big strong protector. It just feels so weird to see him so needy. I suppose heroes need to be taken care of sometimes, too. I just hate that I can't be there to take care of him. Because that's my job.