I'll push everyone so far away
that I won't feel the pain of remembering anymore
I can forget about the worrying and doubt.
In just one short week.
Like a spider,
I'll crawl into the dark
weaving webs quietly,
to myself
for myself
recalling the past
and amplifying everything
and just like a spider,
I'll live alone again.
I can't stand this "dependence"
I've isolated myself before
and stayed alive,
feeding off the flies
and dead things around me
I can avoid my own webs
I don't want to become a butterfly
I would rather stay comfortable,
in this darkness and grime.
The restlessness and care
eat so much of my energy.
I won't accept that I'm out of practice
or preferential to the life of a shut-in.
I don't want to exercise anymore, there are too many eyes on me. I can't stand that their foods are different than mine and that they are constantly checking on what I eat or drink. Their choice of words speak their hidden motives clearly. They haven't changed and neither have I.
I think I need a break from home. I need a weekend retreat... anywhere. I would give almost anything to get away.
Sigh, and I was doing so well up till now...
