I'm faulty. I feel faulty. Like a discarded toy that was missing a key part or just wasn't up to snuff.
How do I feel? I feel like a thin frame of muscle without skin. My legs and arms are covered and protected by thin bony porcelain that ends at the hinges. My joints are exposed and my fingers end in sharp points. My stomach up to where my heart was are exposed as well. The hole in my chest where my heart was is adorned with a black dragon drawn around it. I have no eyes, my face covered in the same bony porcelain that covers my arms, legs, and upper chest.
There's a jagged line, cracked and sharp revealing my mouth where I cried aloud too much. I feel like an abomination.. one of Elesh Norn's 'children'.
I don't need eyes anyways. My world is a constant night, the sky red and the moon pale white. I wander a lonely desert encompassing the ruins of the McWherter home; the representation of all the dreams, hopes and love Kuroi and I had. My bony fingers lightly touching the beams and bricks of a home emanating love but undecorated by the nuances of actual life.
And all I see is Kuroi. His presence like a ghost or a fading memory taunting me by being there but untouchable. I try to reach out to him and he quickly moves away or interfering figures stab me where my heart used to be. He just watches... Austere and impassive. I see him in every grain of sand, every burnt brick and in my dark sky.
Not from obsession or madness, but from love and loss. Obsession would be me trying to call him again.. to incur Rachel's wrath and having her rape me again. I'm an atrocity, both in appearance and character, but all I hear is Kuroi's wonderful voice calling me beautiful and loved. It makes me cry, even through the bony mask that covers my face.
Sweety.. if I was beautiful and loved, you'd not have fled from me. When you left, I lost more than just a relationship and romance, I lost the very fiber of who I am/was. I lost my purpose in life as well as any reason the world ever had. I lost you, my soul mate and everything in the world died. So I wander this desert in penance, my hideous form suiting my hideous nature.
I wish you would and could read these things I type out, these cries. Not because I want to hurt you but because my heart yearns for you and your warmth. It yearns to share with you all I've been feeling, to hear your verdicts and judgments. My heart is beating in your hands right now... and I wish you would realize that you still have it, bound tightly in your grip.
So I wander this lonely desert with a hole in my chest, the hideous mistress taking care of ruins that represent something grand. I'm blind and in pain but I don't care, all I see is you. <3
