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Journal Entry #51: An All-American Presidents Gerald Lord Christmas Special

*Just as tensions sizzle out from the Christmas Eve show Final Confrontation, in order to celebrate Christmas and his regaining of the majority of ownership of his journal; Gerald Lord (GL) along with the new co-owner Paige_1_Shosho (PGS) host a Christmas Party, at the White House! With the guests being none other, than all the U.S. Presidents.

Act 1- The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

GL: *opens up the ballroom doors, to find many of the guests have arrive thus far* Awesome!
George Washington: Well, look who made it.
GL: Hey George, Merry Christmas.
Washington: Oh, indeed it is, this day marks the anniversary of my victory in the town of Trenton against the British during the Revolutionary War.
GL: Oh right, you and your army crossed the Delaware River, in the winter. *high fives him*
Washington: You know, as the person who led America to independence, it's somewhat of a shame that I am the only president never to have lived in the White House. *looks around the ballroom now somewhat down*
GL: Yeah, I agree.
PGS: *walks up to them* Excuse me Mr. Washington, the appetizers have just been served.
Washington: *snaps out of his feeling down* About darn time. *walks off to go get some food.*
PGS: *crosses her arms now at GL* And you sir, are late. What kept you?
GL: sweatdrop Ummm... uhh.... well... *thinks back to what kept him*

[3 hours ago]

GL: *in a hotel room in D.C. getting ready for the party, combing his hair in front of a mirror, he looks at his watch* I'm going to be so early. *a knock is heard at the door*
Feminine voices at the door: *in unison* Room service.
GL: *somewhat bewildered* I didn't order any room service... *opens the door find Jenna Jameson, Jessica Simpson, and Pamela Anderson in Christmas lingerie out in the hall* Whoa.
Jameson: Hey GL, we came by to congratulate you on your recapturing ownership of your show last night.
Simpson: We put bets on the match, but only one person bet that it would end in a tie.
Anderson: But we figured, we'd be good sports about it.
GL: *somewhat cheerful* Well, thanks for the congratulations.
Jameson: Well... *gives Simpson and Anderson somewhat mischeivous looks* we didn't just come here to congratulate you. We also figured, *they step inside the hotel room, GL making no attempt to stop them.* we'd give you a Christmas present. *They begin to undo their tops as the hotel room door closes.*

[Back to the party]

GL: * scratching his head* ... traffic.
PGS: Really? It didn't seem that bad.
GL: *scoffs and sighs* Well, I'll tell you, that traffic, man that was really something.
PGS: Alright then. Well, just to catch you up to speed, most of the guests are here already, the food and drinks are already out, and Bill Clinton keeps flirting with me. *says that last part with a rather annoyed tone of voice*
GL: Really? Just him? I figured since all the guests are men, you'd have more trying to hook up with you.
PGS: Well, James Madison and Woodrow Wilson stopped the first time I told them "No." I've already had to tell Clinton "No." 3 times.
GL: Hey, wait a minute... *asks the guests loudly* Guys, I told you all you could invite your wives to the party.
Grover Cleveland: *is the first to respond* Pfft, how would it be fun with them here?
All the other guests: *give a hearty laugh*

Act 2: Party Conversations

John Adams: *standing beside his son talking to both George Bush Sr and Jr* So your son also became president of the U.S.? Impressive, you two are probably the first father and son to both be presidents... *stops* Oh wait. *is obviously jeering the Bushes*
John Quincy Adams: We did it first! *laughs along with his father*
George Bush Jr: Well at least I served two presidential terms, unlike you losers! *laughs*
George Bush Sr: *to his son* Hey! Screw you! *walks away angrily*
George Bush Jr: *realizes he's insulted his father as well and tries to walk on after him* Oh come on dad, I didn't mean it that way.

Abraham Lincoln: *says glumly among a group of guests, sitting at the bar while drinking a beer* Yeah, I was assassinated, that really sucked.
James A. Garfield: *drinking rum* Hey, at least you had one term under your belt. My assassination cut my first term of presidency short.
William Henry Harrison: *has several empty shot glasses at his corner of the bar in front of him and says in drunken sarcasm* Oh boo hoo. My heart weeps for you. *drinks another shot* And here I was thinking my troubles were bad, I mean, I was only president for about a month.
John F. Kennedy: *cleary drunk* Wow, you got assassinated too?
William Henry Harrison: No, I got sick.
All the others at the bar: *they laugh hysterically*
William Henry Harrison: *walks away* You guys are jerks!

Jimmy Carter: *arguing with two other guests in another area of the ballroom* I tell you, mine's bigger!
Barrack Obama: No! Mine's bigger, and better too.
Andrew Jackson: *says enthusiastically while arguing* You're both wrong, mine's the biggest, and... *does a pelvic thrust after each word* it knows how to get the job done! *Carter and Obama give Jackson an odd look*
GL: *walks up to the them, PGS alongside him* What the heck are you three arguing about?
Jimmy Carter: They think their presidential jets were bigger than mine.
GL: Oh come on guys, it's Christmas, are you three really going to... hey wait a minute. Jackson, you were president before airplanes were even a mode of travel in the U.S.
Andrew Jackson: *says somewhat embarrassed* Oh, I didn't realize we were talking about jet sizes here, my mistake. *walks off*
PGS: *has a confused look on her face* Wait, I don't understand, what did he think they were arguing about?
Bill Clinton: *appears out of nowhere* I'll show you.
GL: *shouts* Bill!

Act 3: A Nice Christmasy Finish

*As the guests finish the Christmas dinner, and dessert, and the night comes to a close, GL and PGS take a microphone*

GL: Well everyone, it's been a delightful evening.
PGS: It's truly been a pleasure to have met you all, Bill quit winking at me. stare
GL: But it's getting to be that time everyone for the party to come to a close... *says quickly* Harry S. Truman, no! Put the A-bomb down, this is the White House, you drop it, and that would be considered terrorism.
Harry S. Truman: Awww... *puts the bomb back into a box wrapped in Christmas wrapping, the label reading: "To: Japan."* Can't we at least it with a brawl like the last one? (Journal #23 reference)
GL: What's their to brawl about?
Theodore Roosevelt: *to Jefferson* Hey Jefferson, I just wanted to take this moment to tell you, you're the best president of the U.S. --
Thomas Jefferson: *interrupts him before he finishes* Why thank you...
Theodore Roosevelt: ---of U.C.K.
Thomas Jefferson: *says bewildered* You su-- *realizes what he means* Hey! *attacks Theodore Roosevelt, several of the other guests start brawling as well for no apparently reason*
Harry S. Truman: Now we're talking!
Franklin D. Roosevelt: *rolls up in his wheelchair, apparently having been in the restroom, he askes Truman* What's going on?
Harry S. Truman: *breaks a wooden chair onto F.D.R.* That's what's going on!

PGS: eek *watching the brawling going on from a distance along side GL* Are all U.S. Presidents like this?
GL: *sighs* Well... *stops his eyes fixed above them, he then smiles* Well, how about that.
PGS: What?
GL: *points above them at the hanging decoration.* Mistletoe. heart *A large set of Christmas lights spark up on the wall behind them reading: "Merry Christmas."

---The End---

That... is... all!!!