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Sooo~ today was a kinda... iffy day for me...

this guy i've been crushin on (not the guy in my first journal entry) forevers finally asked me out. I was so happy yesterday but today... i'm kinda sad.

Yes, i know i absoluty love him with all my heart. But the problem is he loves my best friend.

At first (before we started dating) i was okay with it, though highly jealous that he didn't likw me like that. But i did want them to date. As long as he was happy i'd try to be happy also.

Well, when he asked me out he made a twilight refrence (which was totally epic and sweet since most guys would just straight out ask you to date them but he had a long speech to go with it. It was so adorkable! lol i was freaking out during it xD.) and he was bella, my best friend was edward and i was jacob. Today, i felt like only a jacob to him. Like, how bella realized he loved both edward and jacob, only edward more.

One of my other friends told me that he went over to her house at 11 PM (which he never mentioned to me) and that he told her he wasn't mad at the guys that dated her but the guys that didn't date her. She had a doctors appointment out of town today and he was trying to get a ride to come with her. So it's like, he'd leave me in an instant for her. So when he wasn't here for the first hour of school i was literally freaking out on anyone. Then he showed up.... People told him i was mad, and he was super worried, but i really felt like how bella was just using jacob when she didn't have edward. Maybe i'm just thinking about it too much cause normally i wouldn't get mad like this. Or just cause of some personal problems but ...

I had a dream last night about all of us. Yeah, nothing in that dream made any since, but the point is still there.In my dream he was ignoring me for my best friend.... i'm scared that how people say that dreams can sometimes tell the future so i'm scared. I really don't want him to leave me...I don't know what i might do...