Very interesting weekend
I am back from being in the hospital for the weekend. I was placed under the care of doctors and nurses who knew how to handle my psychological issues. When I had discussed my problems with the councilor, he was able to interpret my feelings into a summarization of what exactly I am going though in my mental breakdown.
It is apparent that I have no self esteem whatsoever. I feel as if I am not acceptable by any means unless I have some type of relationship. Another factor that my councilor pointed out to me was that my living situations, such as my parents restricting me and whatnot, are depressing me even further. College and work is continuously taking my time, my grades are depleting, and I feel as if I have no control over my life. From what he concluded, it is not that I WANT to commit suicide, it is just that I feel like I have no other option to turn to. I am clasped within this compressing boundary that, no matter what I do, I will get hurt.
He told me that, in order to make progress in the field of improving my negative enviornment, I have to choose whether to move out or stay with my parents. This decision is not an easy one to make, and both of the options have pros and cons that could affect me greatly.
As for my self-esteem, I am going to have to do something to get that fixed. I cannot do it on my own. I am probably going to have to attend a group program to help me on along the way.
While I was there, a guy that was my age was there. He was my closest friend out of all the people there. What I noticed about him was how he had always wanted to be with his girlfriend. He even cried when he was worried about her. His love for his girlfriend just made me feel even more lonely. Why can't I have someone like that? Why am I alone?
~*Whispers of a Dream*~
