Okay, so it's 4:00 am, you're tired but not tired enough to sleep, and your channel surfing only to find that the only things on are FREAKIN' PAID PROGRAMS advertising some new cleaning product or weight loss scheme or kitchen utensil. And you think to yourself, because you're tired and all, that you might really need something Billy Mays is yelling at you to buy.
But what makes you want it in the first place? Is it because you're a germaphobe who can't get your floor clean enough? Are you self-conscious about the way that chubby people like you are viewed in modern society? Or do you always make margheritas at 4:00 in the morning without a blender?
And what the ******** is up with the volume of the commercials when you actually find something decent to watch? You're watching some rerun on Nick at Nite and the happy ending is so soft you turn the volume up. It cuts to commercial and BOOM! Your whole house shakes and you get phone calls from what you assume are angry neighbors, but you can't hear what they're saying because the ringing in your ears was so loud, you need new eardrums. And what's worse is the last thing you heard when you went deaf: "AND THAT'S NOT ALL!! CALL NOW AND WE'LL DOUBLE YOUR ORDER FOR FREE!!!" But I suppose that's a good tactic if you don't want people to hear the announcer whisper, "just pay separate shipping and handling."
*Thank you, and please respond.*
Lorne Lovegood Community Member 
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