Today was a home match for my school and I was suppose to be there. I didn't think I would be needed for anything so I came home on the bus. I don't even have sweats or gear to wear cause I've never wrestled beyond the practice room, I'm a useless link on that team. Jacob (my wrestling partner) even told me so, by being JV (Junior Varsity) my winning or loosing doesn't affect the team's winning or loosing. Yeah ok that's good to know THAT I'M USELESS TO YOU GUYS!! I can't even win in the wrestling room against guys clear on the other end of the ******** weight scale! (That would be 112) I can just see the guys looking at me as I show up for school tomorrow with those accusing looks and Jacob's 'why didn't you come?' first thing when I get on the bus. I just wanna be told I'm important to the team.. that my winning or loosing counts for something.. and that I'm not wasting my nights after school for nothing. I know I'm special to my friends and family in different ways but I wanna be special to something other then them.. I wanna be useful to everyone.
I promise I'm not that mean little girl from Elementary school anymore.. I won't bite you.. I'm not that freak in the hall who won't talk to anyone anymore. I know I'm the freak who pulls her hair and hides behind a book.. but your stares and accusing glares hurt so bad. I'm pretty.. really I am.. I promise I'll smile more.. I'm tired of just being 'Kayce' to them.. Everyone in that damn school knows me for being a freak who pulls her hair, snaps and bites at people and snarls or runs from people who pick on me. They find my reactions funny.. they do it cause I don't know their being mean.. I won't fight back. I'm tired of pain, I'm tired of being alone and I'm tired of people telling me 'it'll be ok' or 'don't b***h, your life is better the mine'
Delicross Community Member 
|
|
