Is it just me or am i the only person who hasnt moved on? Least thats how it feels right now.
My supposed best friend decided to lead me on about moving in together till i had planned my life all the way down there and now she pulls out! I asked her if it was definate, she said yes. and now she backflips and tells me its not happening anymore? All so she can be with her amazing new boyfriend who she's already moved in with after 2 months, even though he's restricting her and stopping her from seeing friends. The only people who will be there for her when he dumps her sorry a**. Lets face it he's 16 and she's 18. He's her first boyfriend. Honestly how long do they think it'll last, its ******** young love, they're your world untill one day he decides your not good enough for him and leaves you. But no one will be there for her when that happens because by then she'd have unwittingly pushed them all away cuz bubsy wants it that way. And when that happens i'm just gonna stand back and laugh.
I'm ******** sick of people treating me like s**t and thinking they can ******** with my head and heart. What the ******** have i done to anyone?!?!? I'm told that im this great friend everyone loves but where's the proof? Lately people have been treating me like s**t and i dont care anymore. I've lost the two most important people in my life, my ex and my best friend. With them i was happy and confident that no matter what happens i'll always have them there behind me to help me or pick up the broken peices and paste me back together. And now what! i have no one. No one like them. No one i can share my deepest heartfelt thoughts and feelings with and know im not going to be judged or ridiculed. Just loved. And now they've both moved on and started their lives, without a glimmer of concern for the person they said they would always care for. And where does that leave me! Broken and dejected, forced to resign to a life of below par standards and misgivings. I thought we could face anything together....but i was wrong.
My ex seems to have finally gotten his life together and you know what? I hate him for it. Yep im that pathetic that i would hate someone for moving on without me. For ******** round with me till i was a ball of putty in his palm then throwing me against the wall till i scream ENOUGH! I CANT STAND THIS ANYMORE! All so it could be my fault. I still see his face and still feel his touch. I still dream of him and hold onto that jaded piece of hope that somehow........
The worst part is i cant stop any of it, i have to let it run its course and rip through me till all thats left is my core. I thought i had been through that, i thought i was over him but he just drags me back into the darkest corner of my mind to rot and wait.
And thats all im left with, the dark. The only thing that seems to be consistant in my life. The part of me that whispers evil thoughts and urges me into submission. And now im its slave.
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