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My so called Life--Entry 1
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with relationships, after today I really don't think that I will.
I've had the absolute worst date in history with a man that I've known for at least four years or so, though we've never actually dated for the fact we live nearly two hours away from one another. We've only seen eachother a few times in those four years, and for the longest time I thought I really felt something special for him, like there was a connection.
I don't see how I could have ever thought that, perhaps I was really desperate for some attention.
I don't believe that I've felt quite so bored in my life.
We were even at the mall, where I occasionally hang out from time to time to visit the bookstore and hang in the acrade, and he managed to make it boring.
The man never talks and holding a conversation is close to torture, I wonder how on earth he ever came to be a radio personality.
Even walking through the mall for three times didn't make me quite so mad as the fact that when I reached for his hand, having to wrap my fingers around his in order to actually hold it, he hadn't even acknowledged the fact that my hand was there-in his own. Its almost as if he's afraid of showing any type of affection towards me of we aren't behind a closed door in either of our bedrooms. He isn't even a very good kisser on top of that, nor with anything else.
It doesn't surprise me at all of the fact that he is twenty-five years old and hasn't even had a serious relationship with a woman, that I know of for the past few years.
I actually pity him, mostly for the fact that he talks to me more when we are on AIM messanger, than he does when we are face to face.
I mean, what type of normal human being doesn't talk?
I'm a class A internet junkie and I talk non stop on the phone with my friend nearly every day, and he can't even hold a single conversation with me.
Its like talking to yourself, only I could answer myself better than that.
This day has seriously caused me to change my mind about what I've been pursuing in my life as of lately, not to mention the fact of my last huge break up with my ex boyfriend has taught me quite a bit.
I believe that I've finally come to realize that I don't need a man, I don't need someone to make me feel good, to tell me sweet nothings and to have confidence in myself. If I can get through college with my head held high, make a few friends along the way and get an awesome career, then hell I think I'll be doing pretty damn good.
Life doesn't always turn out how you expect it, or how you envisioned it, but there is always a way to make it better.
I just wish it hadn't taken me nineteen years to figure that out.
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