Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

So lately I feel like my life doesn't have a purpose that I'm wasting my time.
I question why I'm still alive, why does God keep me alive?
I'm in love with someone that lives 1,500 miles away from me.
And I don't know what to believe these days because of my past.
Lately I've just been living in the past, trapped in my past of chaos.
I miss my mother so much right now.
I wish I could be with that person that I love more than anything in this world right now.
I'm so sick of being hurt.
I'm so sick of doubting and hating my life.
Why do I still exist in this world?
Does my life really have a purpose?

Listening to an old song that is 8 years old... things just really hit me.
Last Resort by Papa Roach.
And the part that really hit me was this:

"It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself and no love for another
Searching to find a love upon a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils

Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine"

When will I finally be at peace in life?
When will I finally get a break from chaos?

To Christina,

I do love you more than anything on this earth.