One thinks one's in control, life seems fine, everything falls into place, there's nothing going all that badly... or is there?
This year I have lost two of my best friends...
First I lost Roxanna, my girlfriend's sister... I met her way before I met my girlfriend, she was my other best friend's girlfriend (both women, by the way) They had issues, broke up, and ever since keeping both friendships has been difficult for me. Ever since I got involved with her sister, things have gone far worse... Roxanna and I barely talk to each other anymore, and she looks at me with despite when I'm near.
Then I lost Denex, My old friend, I've met him for longer than half my life, 12 years to be more precise. Not long ago we split for reasons I'm not really willing to tell, but it was not pleasant at all.
Today, the day that marked the decay of my life, My last best fiend, Daniela, Told me she could not get over Roxana, That she was told by her mother to make new friends and leave everything related to Roxana in the past. This past, it seems, included me, she just told me this and said goodbye... not even an "I love you, take care" neither an "I'm sorry" just a crappy and hurtful "Bye".
I sent her a latter... I was mad, I wanted to jell, I felt used, dispensable, not worth enough... Now I feel sad, lonely, lonelier than I have ever felt before...
Friendship has always been something quite important to me, I look to my friends as family, sometimes even more than family. I, periodically, get to realize how useless and unworthy friendship is, and even if it does feel good while alive, it is still, at least for me, something that leaves deep and painful scars.
I'm in need of affection, I do have my girlfriend, of course, I love her and she's the most important person to me, but I have always needed my friends by my side, and even thought I know this isn't the end of the world, I still would have liked to care less about them (specially Daniela, for whom I cared the most) I wish it wasn't this painful to be left alone by those I cared, and I wish I can still feel this love, the love of friendship, when I've been hurt so many times in so short a time.
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(,.·'·.,)(Chronicles of my madness(Imedos' Life))(,.·'·.,)
My life for you to see n_n
Some people say it is interesting... Read it and find out for yourself o.O
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Imedos
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