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Seg 1 of: The Full truth and story of Lex Cage. all out. |
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*It's been over two years since I've had to write this. I've....gone through it again for the first time since and...There's alot here that probably isn't necessary anymore. It was written to vent. Now..I think a simple historical piece is good enough. Edited for and Slander, Excessive language and or other Extreme content*
Kay. might as well just jump on in then shall we?
Whole damn thing starts at the age of 4. Holy s**t huh? Almost 20 years of build-up to now..Kinda puts the reasoning into perspective a little doesn't it? 4 seems kind of young though. Why? Well...this is why.
My family has...always been a little...erm...off. Who's isn't i know. But not in the conventional-dysfunctional way. Mother was the 9th of 12 kids. Each one more ******** up then the next. Mental retardation, gold-diggers, filthy tramp whores, liars, thieves...the list goes on. You name the issue, i can find a related name to match. The closest of the group to my mother, is my aunt june. a 300 pound behemoth of refrigerator destruction. Watching her eat gives you one hell of a sympathy for people like that. It's very sad. In any case, before she hit the heavy hundreds, she was married to a guy named Brian. Brian, was and is, a complete bum. Mooching off any living creature he can find. ANY. By some random chance, they managed to have my closest cousin, who i grew up with like a sister for almost...6 years every single day, Melissa.
Melissa was a bit of a wild kid. Temper when she was made to eat vegetables. Granted i was no prize in the behavior catagory either..I was just as much of a prank disaster then as i am now. We've had a number of crazy like adventures together, one including a dramatic run-away from home plan that was an...interesting affair..
Both June and my mother were single by that time as june divorced brian but still had him watch melissa and myself since he was such a sissy he wouldn't say no. they were wanting to go out partying some nights. Not regularly everyday, but at least twice a week. And so, i'd end up staying the night every so often at his house while my mom searched for a relationship.
Brian had alot of issues after the divorce. He developed a drinking problem among other things. However, he was not...and i really mean NOT...able to handle his alcohol in anyway. One beer, and wham. nothing in the world will wake the man up. He is out rock hard cold and that's that. He also made alot of untrustworthy friends throughout his searches for a free ride. One of which was named charlie. Charlie...Is single-handedly responsible for the ruination of my life.
Every fear i have is owed to him. Only two really...During a christmas party charlie was invited in by brian still with june at the time, And he'd been drinking quite a bit. He chose to pick me up out of a kiddie walker and dangled me by one ankle over a staircase. Why? Who really knows. Something about learning something apparently. that's all anyone was able to catch from the slurring. Meanwhile, I'm screaming my a** off..
I remember it perfectly well. And because of it, I have a very...very...veryvery strong paralyzing fear of heights. I cant even enjoy a ******** fair with rides that go up with my friends because of that son of a b***h. But no, of course thats not enough of an impact. No...no reason to stop there.
One particular day, My aunt june wasn't feeling well. both she, and my cousin were pretty ill that day, so she wasn't able to watch me. Mom happened to have a date that night so she had to look for another sitter. That sitter just happened to be Brian. She dropped me off and left fairly quick. Never noticing the alcohol he had...or who he happened to be drinking with..
After about an hour, Brian was a breathing stone, and charlie had drank enough to alter his judgement. I, quietly playing in melissa's staying room was suddenly disturbed by charlie...
About a week later, my mother was still wondering why i was behaving a little odd. I was unusually quiet. Barely moved actually. She made me go a doctor for depression. She was really spooked. People don't just get depressed like that, but i wasn't answering any of her questions. My aunt june had some emergency that she needed my mom's help for. Mom was leary about letting me stay over there. Partly because it was after i went that i started acting odd, and partly because she was worried about being away from me.
My grandfather was dying. In a very nasty and dishonorable fashion thanks to another aunt. So, she was pretty wound up with that and agreed to send me to brian's along with melissa. I wasn't AS nervous as i thought i'd be. Probably because i had my cousin with me so i felt safer. We were playing like things were fine. From that point right there, My perminent memory started. I can tell because from that time, i remember every second of the rest of that day..and every other.
See, brian neglected to mention a little 3 person party he was hosting that evening as well. Him, some guy i never heard of or saw again, and charlie. We (me and melissa) didn't even know they were coming...Or even there, until the nameless guy went to the washroom across her door. We were startled by the strange face so we went to go look why the weird dude was there, and who else may be in the place. And then i saw him. I took off like a bat outta hell and hid in melissa's room. Like a coward.
She came after me and asked what was wrong. I still have a hard time going into details on what happened. As you'll notice i bypassed that totally leaving it to imagination. I did the same when i explained it to saku originally.. its not that i cant. writing it in words feels worse somehow..idunno. I explained it all to her (melissa)..and it took awhile to do, especially then after it essentially just happened. She got angry. So much so that she decided she was going to go off and give him hell for it.
She started calling for him. Got up and stormed off toward where they were. I freaked out and bolted for the now empty bathroom. I forgot to mention the nameless dude had left by the time i finished telling. Brian and charlie were still there and had been drinking. I was hiding in there when i heard her yelling at charlie. Typically on cue, Brian passed out. And charlie knew it. So he got more gutsy. He grabbed her, and she pulled away. She tried to wake up brian but he was totally done. So she did the only thing she could think of. She ran back to her room. She was trying to get help from me.
He caught up to her. I heard yelling but was too scared to really look. until i heard crying. Then i had to. And...after what i saw, i fell even farther from a "normal" person. I felt so much anger..Guilt..hatred..everything bad that a person could possibly feel emotionally all together at one time. Events like that..when they all mix together in the same moment, cause severe damage. You wouldn't think so, but emotions are an equally lethal weapon.
I ran in and started hitting him unable to thinkof anything at all. I stopped being me from that moment, and became something else..He got angry and tried to grab at my throat. I backed off and just stared for a second at the blood everywhere as he came after me. I just turned and ran, and i could feel him behind me. I knew i had to get better help, so i picked up the phone in the kitchen. He knocked it out of my hand and held me off the ground...semi-sitting on the countertop as he had both his hands wrapped around my neck trying to take me out. I couldn't think of anything else, I picked up the knife while he stared at me and said i'd never interfere again...i cut his throat.
Yea....this is about the point when i stop bothering to talk..simply because of the fact that the look i get is extremely tiring. Yea. I get it. Monster. demonic murdering child. Whoopdee. Any idea how many people have said something similar...? if not exact? I've gotten over it. At least it's easier in print..
He dropped down holding his throat..blood pouring down all over. I was frozen in shock... I was both surprised and pleased he was hurt back. A neighbour had heard the screams and cries and called the police in concern. I went to melissa and she was curled up in the corner. All i could do was apologize. The fact that she was hurt at all was because of me. If i wasn't a coward hiding for my own benefit, she wouldn't be living with the same ..mindset that i am. From that point on, i promised that i would never let cowardess keep me from doing what was needed to protect against something like that.
Then the police busted in, And that was pretty much that. Since i was only 4, and our laws prevent minors from being charged in such a fashion, especially since it was classified as self-defense, i got "away" with it. I was however assigned to a psychiatrist for any possible traumas.
Melissa was never the same after either. She became very meek and quiet and has been ever since. She says she doesn't blame me but she should. It's my fault she was hurt at all. Maybe he wouldn't have done anything at all that day if she didn't know and didn't say anything. That's the theory that's kept me quiet for such a long time too. That talking about s**t like that makes things worse than better. Irrational maybe, but considering how things went i don't think it's very far from the truth.
This is where my wish to become a psychiatrist comes from. They do alot of good if you get one that knows what they're doing. It's funny...I get called alot of things...Considered the "anti-christ" from my friends..jokingly and not....and yet, the main goal i have is good. Why is it suddenly wrong to do the right thing just because the route to that good is a little darker than a church likes?
Whatever.
End of part one.
ShadowCurse · Sat Aug 11, 2007 @ 09:54am · 0 Comments |
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