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As I lie here dying, I can't help but blame it all on that blasted tree...
I had awoken this morning to a delightful scene; snow on the streets. I've always loved winter, especially the snow. As I began building a snowman, I soon saw a line forming near the center of town. Curious, I approached a man with a gaily-wrapped gift box.
"Sir, excuse me?" He turned to face me and I continued, "Pray tell me, where does this line lead?"
"Ah! We wait to deliver a gift donation to the tree in the center of town." He smiled and showed me the box he carried. "I hope it goes to someone needy!"
"Hmm... That sounds wonderful, I think I'll go buy something to give." I immediately set out for the nearby shop, where there was also a line. "What's this?" I thought.
"It has to be worth at least five hundred gold to get a return gift, I hear." The man in front of me was talking with a friend. "Yeah, I hope I get those fairy wings I've heard about."
At this, my curiosity peaked. Fairy wings? I could sell those for quite a pretty penny... I formulated a brilliant plan. After a quick trip to the bank, I returned to the store and bought 50 clown noses and had them wrapped. With that many gifts to donate, I thought for sure I'd get multiple sets of fairy wings to sell...
So, I stood in line to give my gift. As I neared the front, the anticipation was killing me. But, as I donated my gift, I received a pair of slippers in return. "Slippers?!?! Damn this to hell." I thought. But, I got back into line with another clown nose. A half hour later, I got another pair of slippers.
"Maybe that girl recognized me?" I went again, this time in disguise. Again, crummy slippers. Thinking the disguise wasn't good enough, I bought some new clothes and tried again. This went on for some time, until I had no money left, and fifty boxes of slippers.
"Damn and double damn." I thought. So, I went home, wondering what I would do for money now that I was broke. I piled the slippers wherever I could, and finally managed to cram them all into my house. But, soon, I grew cold. Since I couldn't afford wood for the fireplace, I had nothing to keep me warm.
"Ah! If only I were all feet..." Then I had an idea. I ripped open a box and threw a pair of slippers into the fireplace, quickly followed by the box it came in. "This should last me till winter's end."
Soon, however, I had to add another slipper to the fire. I decided to take care of all the loose boxes, then work on the ones in my closet. Well, to make a long story short, when I opened my closet to feed the fire, all of the boxes jammed in there fell on top of me. I tried to get out from under the pile, but more fell on me till I couldn't bear the weight.
"Great," I thought, "what could possibly make this worse?"
That was when I smelled it... Some of the boxes had landed in the fireplace, and caught fire. Soon the rest caught as well. It wouldn't take long for the house to go up, taking me with it.
Oh, well... Guess I should have been more into the spirit of things. Bah Humbug.
This story was written for a contest back in December. One had to write a story about the Jolly Slippers. Well, My story sparked a rash of cynical comedic stories that followed. None were quite like the original, though. wink
 Lord Shishio · Tue Oct 19, 2004 @ 04:27am · 5 Comments |
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