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I was confused.
thinking i was alone in this cold black world.
I was selfish.
I thought that I was the only one that felt the things I do,
that I was the only one with problems.
Why I thought that I don't know, I'm not sure.
I'm not sure of many things in this world and I'm a fool for it.
I hated this pain that i caused myself.
So why do I keep coming back for more?
People would try to open me up, but I would push them away thinking
"They can't possibly feel anything that I feel."
I hated how i held on to the past and couldn't move on to the future.
I just couldn't stand what I am, and what I've done.
I hated the people that caused me pain.
I hated myself for that very same reason.
I caused myself so much pain that sometimes I feel that i just need to curl up in a ball and being distant from everyone in this world.
I was a fool, I was confused.
I know now that there are people that care for me.
People that love and trust me...
even if I didn't see it before.
I wasn't looking close enough I didn't pay attention, but because of that I also caused pain to the people that care for me.
confusion, anger, hate, lust, power, greed, pride, envy....
all these things...
they bring out the worst in a person, but they can also bring out the best.
I was all those things...
and i hated me for it...