<center> A Trip To The Mall </center>
It was Saturday, and I was happy. After an exhausting week, I finally had a day to rest, watch cartoons, and hang out with friends. But then my best friend showed up and ruined everything with six simple words: "Let's go to the mall today!"
<center>Part I: Can We Go Home Now?</center>
And not just any mall. No, my friend was going to ruin my day in style, by suckering me into going to the biggest monstrosity of a mall in the entire state of Texas . . . Grapevine Mills Mall.
The very name of this massive merchandising maelstrom makes girls swoon and guys cringe all across the lone star state. Never before had I seen such a wide variety of completely worthless stores gathered together in the same sprawling structure, with enough neon signs on the outside that it is rumored that the building can be seen from space. Why anyone in space would want to see it is beyond me, here I was standing right outside the main door, wishing I was looking at something, anything else. But once again my friend was able to persuade me with yet another six simple words: "There'll be hot chicks here, man."
<center>Part II: Like A Virgin. </center>
We were "greeted" by a creepy mechanical voice who announced "You are now entering Neighborhood 6 of Grapevine Mills Mall" as we walked through the door. Talking doors. Please.
Our first stop was the huge (everything there is huge actually) Virgin Records Megastore. The only decent store there, the Virging Records Megastore not only contained a huge (see what I mean) selection of anime - everything I was looking for was out of stock, grrrrr - but also sported wonderful pricetags that read: "Virgin on Sale $17.99". Needless to say, I gave in to my inner nine-year-old and peeled one of said stickers off of a DVD and stealthily applied it to the back of my friend's shirt. Heh. Sucker.
<center>Part III: White Boys Can't Dance. </center>
Next it was time for some entertainment. Steven Speilberg's Gameworks was the place. A huge (here we go again...) housing of all the hottest video games, this dimly lit whirlpool of wonder was packed wall to wall with punk-a** teenagers; we fit right in.
And there they were. Like a vision of two hot chicks bumping and grinding away, we saw two hot chicks bumping and grinding away. Er, on the DDR, of course. Suddenly I was filled with a very false sense of confidence, and I jumped up on the machine next to them, and proceeded to make a complete fool of myself. It's true, I danced like Mr. Magoo on rollerblades with anvils tied to his legs. It wasn't pretty, but I did make the girls laugh. Not with me, at me. Long, and brutal. At least my friend was there with the encouraging words: "Way to go, Dance Dance Retard." Ah, what are friends for?
<center>Part IV: Tastes Like Chicken. </center>
No trip to the mall is complete without a visit to the Food Court, and this particular Food Court was huge (tell me you didn't see that one coming). Dickie's BBQ, Popeye's Chicken, Chili's, BK, Pizza, Wings, this place had it all. We opted for chinese, from a very authentic looking little chinese place, but since the girl at the register spoke very little english and we spoke even less chinese, we really had no idea what we ended up ordering. And once we got our food... we still had no idea. But hey, it was good! And I got a fortune cookie that said something about making a great impression on a new friend. Must've been referring to those DDR babes...
And then it was back out to the cruel and cut-throat world of consumerism. Actually, the only thing I bought was a calendar that was on sale for four bucks. I'm a big spender.
<center>Part V: Still A Virgin... </center>
Of course we had to go see the crocodile. Yes, there's a crocodile in the mall, and yes, it's a huge crocodile. Everything's huge in Texas. Oh, and just so nobody forgets they are in Texas - there is a store that only sells bikinis and cowboy hats. But what else do you need really?
"You are now leaving Grapevine Mills Mall" the robotic voice informs us as we exit. Gee, ya think? Thanks for the update. Talking doors. Please.
So finally I got to go home and rest and watch cartoons. And I was happy. Until I was getting ready for bed that night and took off my shirt and saw on the back of it a little label that read: "Virgin on Sale $17.99".
What are friends for?
<center> End. </center>
Marc the Maniac