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 Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 3:37 pm
Rated R for the usual. Swearing. Drug references. Sex references and such.
*Sigh*
I know whatcha all thinking. YET ANOTHER Gee-Rad Fanfic by T.
But don't think that. Cuuuus it's a Frerard.
And I like to have more than one fic going at once. Gives me a little choice as to what one to update and such.
We're Gonna Go To Hell Together
I don't wanna give any of the storyline away. So chaa. I won't waste any time and will get right off to Chapter One.
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Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 3:45 pm
Chapter 1~
Gerard's PoV
It was our first year anniversary.
And she was crying again. She never seemed to stop these days. But you want to know what really scared me? What really, really terrified me? It was the type of crying. It wasn't the loud, noisy sort... no, that wasn't the sort that scared me. It was the silent type. It was the constant type. It was the '********' type.
She wouldn't even try to explain how she was feeling, either. All I got was a blank wall with her. She'd never been mentally stable... the Bipolar made sure of that. And it... frustrated me. I wanted to be there. I wanted her to tell me why she wouldn't stop crying.
It was a Saturday. Mid-day. The sun was high in the strangely blue New Jersey sky. The calm before the storm? Hopefully not. Hopefully just the calm. She was still curled on the couch; exactly where she'd been since 9am. I finally gave in to the ache in my heart and knelt beside her on the floor of our cramped apartment.
"Erin? Are you hungry?" I heard myself ask in this weak, pathetic voice. She merely shook her head, her eyes as wide and unseeing as a corpse's. I let a loose sigh brush past my lips and I brought up a hand to graze softly across her cheek. Getting back to my feet, I returned to where I'd been sitting, smoking for the day.
I let a Malboro Red dangle from my lower lip as I lit it with the flame from my lighter and let that familiar, sweet smoke fill up my lungs before evacuating from my nose. Without so much as footsteps, I caught sight of the pyjama-clad form that was Erin Mackenzie. Her dressing-gown hung over her almost skeletal figure... already several sizes too big. The sleeves hid her pale, slender hands and she raised one to her lips briefly to worry the material with her teeth like a little girl.
"Gee? Are you angry at me?" she asked slowly. She always spoke slowly when she was having a down day. ********. Every day was a down day lately.
I tapped away the ash from the end of my cigarette and shook my head gently.
"Of course not," I told her.
"I haven't forgotten..." she mumbled, her sleek raven hair hiding her gaunt face.
"I know, darling," I replied with a slight shrug. She moved forwards, somewhat shyly.
"I wish you'd talk to me like you used to," she told me.
"What do you mean?" I asked, eyeing her through a curtain of my own, less-sleek, unwashed hair.
"I mean," she said, her eyes glazing over once more as tears threatened to fall, "we never talk anymore..."
I couldn't explain it. I didn't know why, but suddenly anger exploded in the pit of my stomach and I got to my feet, making the chair I'd been sitting on scoot back violently.
"Maybe that's because you're too busy crying all the goddamned time to notice anything!" I spat. As soon as the words were out, I regretted saying them. I regretted even thinking them. Her already fragile self seemed to crumple right in front of me, and I stepped forwards, lifting her hair from her face gently.
"I'm sorry, Erin..." I murmured, "but believe me... you're not going through hard times on your own."
To be honest, I don't think Erin even knew about the alcohol. About the pills. I mean, if she did, she hid it pretty well. I sighed gently as she pulled away from me and returned to her seat in the living room, curling back up on the sofa. I returned to my cigarette, and my thoughts.
Things were different when we met. Erin was different. Or, at least, the Bipolar was. Maybe that was because I only really saw her on good days. But the good days couldn't really be classified as such. She'd be jumpy, nervous as hell. She couldn't concentrate on anything much, and the shaking... geez.
But she'd been on meds. Things were great some days. Other days... well. Let's just say, it almost killed me watching her go through it all alone. That may have been why I'd been so quick to ask her to move in with me. Who knows.
Anyway, my band had only really been going for about half a year. That's right... my band don't I just feel like the bee's knees? Don't worry. I won't say 'bee's knees' again.
We were My Chemical Romance. We were, in my honest opinion, amazing and we were going to change the world. I hope.
My biggest fear is that I'll have been nothing and have done nothing worthwhile by the time I die. I want to bring hope to people. People like Erin. People like me. People like my band...
Everyone needs hope.
And hope can be found in the strangest of places...
***
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 8:05 pm
I like it, MORE!!! bee's knees
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Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 10:55 am
Oh hem gee. Here is chapter three. ((EDIT: Three? Uhm... I mean, two...))
I am a poet and I wasn't even aware of the fact =O
***
Gerard's PoV (Continued)
I'd already managed to smoke a packet of twenty in one sitting. Surely this wouldn't be good for my voice. I ground out the last in the box and stood, stretching out. I moved towards the living room to see that Erin had fallen alseep, her chest rising and falling gently.
Her dressing-gown had parted slightly, and I could just make out the scars that marred her chest, criss-crossing everywhere. Feeling a shudder of empathy run through me, I slipped into a leather jacket. Dialling a number on my cell-phone, I waited for my best friend to answer.
"Hello, New Jersey Morgue, how can I help?" came the familiar voice. I stifled a snicker.
"You really are immature as ********, Frankie," I told the twenty-year old. Not many twenty-four-year-olds would hang out with someone three years their senior. But hey. I didn't exactly have a cool-kid reputation I had to maintain.
"I thank you, Gerard, my dear," he teased, "what can I help you with?"
"Just wondering if you'll be at the show tomorrow night," I asked, pushing back my hair as I shot a glance through the half-open doorway at Erin who was still sleeping soundly.
"Damn straight, I am," he replied, enthused.
"Good," I mused. Frank spoke once more, this time sounding serious.
"Uh, Gee? Can I see you now?" he asked. I narrowed my eyes, somewhat confused.
"Okay? I guess so. Erin's... alseep at the moment," I murmured, "so, uh, yeah. I'd wanna get back before she wakes up."
"No problem," Frank said, "I just need to tell you... some stuff."
"Stuff you can't tell me over the phone..." I stated, curiousity already beginning to creep its way through my head.
"Yeah," he mumbled, "I'll meet you in West Hudson Park in five?"
"Sure," I shrugged, and hung up, sliding my cell phone back into my pocket.
With one final glance at Erin, I slipped out of the front door.
***
"Gee-Squee!" came the familiar, excitable voice that belonged only to one Frank Anthony Iero. His short stature and impish, angled features made it physically impossible to be annoyed at him. Okay, okay. Sometimes he was a little too excitable for his own good.
"Hey," I greeted with a weak smile. Frank stopped short a few inches of colliding with me and eyed me with apparent concern.
"You're not sleeping, are you, Gee?" his tone was somewhat motherly and caused a smile to etch itself onto my features.
"Not right now, Mom. I'm talking to you at the moment."
Frank's PoV
"Not right now, Mom. I'm talking to you at the moment." He had that gorgeous, smirking smile on his face... that devious... beautiful smirk that made me melt like ice-cream ********. This wasn't normal. It was definately abnormal to be thinking of your best, male friend like that. His hands were placed casually in his pockets, his long, carefree locks of ebony hair being caught and tossed around by the wind... his hazel orbs, outlined in almost girlish eyelashes.
I stirred myself from the thoughts that I knew I would've stayed locked inside all day, and spoke.
"Uh, Gerard, can we walk for a moment? I just need to have a word and it's less sort of... intense if we can walk at the same time..." I heard myself mumbled, unaware that I was doing so. I found myself shrinking under his friendly gaze and bowed my head.
"What is it, Frankie?" he asked, and I gestured numbly for us to walk. He nodded and we started strolling.
"Gerard..." I sighed, pushing back my hair as I nuzzled deeper into the denim jacket I wore.
"Yeah, Frank?" he was watching me with an apparently amused smile. I knew right then that I had to tell him. I had to be with him... I had to be the only one in his life because right now... it seemed as though he was the only one in mine.
"Gerard, uh... how're you and Erin getting on?" I asked quietly. All of a sudden, Gerard stopped in his tracks.
I could see his hands form fists in his pockets. Angry fists. He let his breath escape from his lips in a frustrated sigh.
"Erin and I... I dunno, Frank. Things are rough. She's not the girl I fell for anymore and it's... it's rough," was all he murmured. I hesitated before placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Is there anything I can do?" I asked softly. He shook his head.
"That'd be asking you to cure manic depression, Frank. And that doesn't seem all that likely... no offence..." he gave me a grim smile and shrugged. I lowered the hand that had touched his shoulder and dragged it through my hair.
"I'm here, okay? Just in case you want to talk to me. I'm here..."
Gerard's PoV
"I'm here, okay? Just in case you want to talk to me. I'm here..."
My gaze paused on the short, twenty-year-old. A dawning realisation took place somewhere in my brain and I felt my jaw drop. I don't know whether it was that my heart was beating faster than usual... or whether it was that I couldn't name a single feeling I had towards Frank... but I knew I was in trouble.
Frank is my best friend. Frank is a boy and I, as far as I know, am straight. Frank is four years younger than me. All of these things contributed to the dread that was now spiralling through my mind.
"T-thanks," I mumbled, tearing my gaze off of him and shooting it towards my battered Chucks. He didn't like me in that way.
He couldn't...
***
Comments?
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Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 11:58 am
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Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 9:04 am
Yes. Update. I love your stories.
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Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 9:13 am
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Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 11:35 am
Hooray for Chapter three!
***
Gerard's PoV (Continued)
Having settled my mind on the fact that it was just lack of sleep that was making me feel like this towards Frankie, I turned to him as I checked my watch.
"Uh, dude, do you wanna come back to my place?" ********. I did not just say that. I couldn't have just said that... he smiled nonetheless and nodded.
"Sure. Can't stay for long, though..." he shrugged.
***
Frank's PoV
The apartment was quiet as Gerard and I stepped inside. I slipped out of my jacket and hung it beside Gerard's. The smell of food lingered in the air and I shot the older guy a confused look. He shrugged in reply and raised his voice.
"Erin? Are you okay?" he asked. The young woman appeared from the kitchen and smiled lightly.
"Yeah," her hands clasped together in front of her, somewhat nervously, "I uh... I made dinner." Gerard's jaw dropped slightly before a wide smile touched on his features.
He moved towards his girlfriend and kissed her. Oh... ********. This was everything crashing and burning right in front of me. I turned my head and tried to steady my breathing... and the urge to strangle poor Erin Mackenzie.
Murderous thoughts were never a good sign.
Gerard turned back to me and gave me one of his smiles... a wide one that made my insides squirm. He'd turned to Erin once more.
"So you're feeling better?" he asked. She shrugged.
"A little. I just figured you des-"
"Gee, I'm gonna jet..." I cut her off, bowing my head and causing my long black fringe to fall jaggedly over one eye.
"Jet? Why?" Gerard asked, and I could see in his eyes that he was hurt. He may not have wanted to show it, but seriously... I could read him like a ******** book.
"I've got stuff to do," I shrugged, "I'll call you later about the show tomorrow." With that, I turned and stormed through the front door. The light, summer breeze hit my warm face, cooling me of my anger suddenly. I sighed, a long, wistful sigh and started on my way back home.
***
Gerard's PoV
She must've been feeling better.
Otherwise she would never have been able to cook anything. But here it was... fresh, homemade grilled cheese. It may not have been anything fancy... but right now, I didn't give a ********. I let my hands trail vacantly through Erin's hair as we reclined on the sofa after eating.
She stretched out on my lap and I felt yet another smile curve the edges of my mouth upwards. For the first time in a long while, I saw hope on the gloomy horizon. Hope for her. Hope for us.
But then there was Frankie.
Right now, I hated him. Wait, that wasn't right. I hated how I felt for him. I wasn't supposed to feel anything for him except for friendship. I knew that, in the end, that's all I could ever show him.
But he was... beautiful. And... smart and funny and... and I hated him. How dare he make me doubt everything I had with Erin? How ******** dare he?
Erin looked up at me, a little wry smile on her almost wolfish face.
"Gee?" she spoke. I nodded vaguely.
"Yeah, honey?" I murmured.
"Gee, remember this morning? You said that I wasn't going through hard times on my own?" she questioned. I nodded, still not sure where this was meant to be going. Erin sat up, looking me dead in the eyes. "What did you mean by that, Gerard?"
"Uh..." I stumbled, thinking quickly. Excuses, excuses... where the hell were my excuses? "Uh..."
"Gerard's it's alright," she murmured, "I know everything..."
"Huh?" I asked, eyes suddenly widening, "what do you mean?"
"I know about the booze... and the Xanax, Gee... it's alright... well, it's not alright, but... I know," she trailed off, bowing her head. We sat in silence on the couch for several minutes. My heart was the only thing I could hear as it send the blood pounding through my ears. Finally, she reached over and took my hand in hers.
"Talk to me?" was all she said.
"What about?" I sighed wearily.
"About how you're feeling," she mumbled with an offhand shrug.
"I'm feeling tired..." with that, I got to my feet and made to go upstairs. I shot one more glance over at Erin, and saw she was crying again. She never seemed to stop these days...
***
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Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 5:46 am
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Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 10:26 am
Update soon please. heart
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Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 11:58 am
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 7:18 am
Enjoy!
***
Gerard's PoV (Continued)
I don't think Erin came to bed last night.
I don't think she even slept. When I emmerged from our bedroom, she was just sitting on the couch. Her eyes were fixed on the TV as it burbled quietly away to itself, but I knew she wasn't watching it. She was staring through it. I sighed and sat beside her.
"Do you want me to make you some breakfast?" I asked softly. She just shook her head, her eyes never leaving the screen.
"I'm not hungry," she whispered.
"You have to eat," I replied gently. She just shook her head.
"No I don't," with that, she stretched and got to her feet. She wasn't crying anymore. I'm guessing that it was a good sign. But she wouldn't even look at me... not even a ******** glance.
"You know I have a gig tonight..." I sighed, watching as she moved like a zombie towards the kitchen. She nodded, her back still turned.
"Have fun," was all she said. I shook my head, despairing and moved up behind her.
"Honey, please talk to me..." I pleaded like a scolded puppy.
"And say what? That I condone you shoving pills down your throat?" she said angrily.
"I don't expect you to..." I mumbled, "I just want to know that you still love me..."
It sounded pathetic. I sounded pathetic.
"Gerard... I don't know whether or not that would be the truth if I said I loved you..." she sighed, "I just need some time. I'm..."
"You're, what?" I asked, my eyes starting to brim up. ********, I hated crying.
"I'm moving in with my mother," she shrugged, tears spilling down her own, gaunt cheeks.
"But your mother hates me!" I exclaimed, "she'll just... I dunno... brainwash you or something!"
"My final choice will be my own, Gerard. I just need some time."
***
Frank's PoV
He hadn't called. Why hadn't he called? I slipped my annoyingly silent phone into the pocket of my tight jeans and laid back against the pillows of my bed. My eyes went sprawling over the many, many posters that crept up the walls of my childhood bedroom. Yes. I was twenty... and still lived with my parents.
My phone suddenly vibrated against my leg, and Nirvana's 'Aneurysm' started blaring out. I wriggled around in an attempt to get my phone back out of my pocket. Damn you, tight jeans! Finally freeing the tickling, vibrating phone, I jammed it to my ear.
"Yello?" I greeted my caller.
"F-Frank?" I recognised that voice. But not how it was right now... clogged with tears and seeping with pain.
"Gerard?" I spoke, eyes wide, "Gerard, what's wrong?"
"Frank, it's Erin... she left me, Frankie... ********... can you come over?" his hypnotic voice trembled, "I'm gonna run out of booze..."
"Sure," I told him quickly, and hung up, dashing towards the front door. My mother barred the way. "Mom - it's an emergency!" I blurted, "I have to go see a friend..."
"Is your bedroom tidy?" she asked, planting her hands on her hips. I let out a low groan. What a time for a parental lecture. You'd think I was fourteen... not twenty years old. I turned and pelted my way back into my bedroom. Grabbing handfuls of unwashed clothes, I flew all the way back downstairs and dropped them in the laundry bin. Returning to where my mother waited by the door, I stopped, short of breath.
"Happy?" I asked. She nodded and gave me a motherly peck on the cheek.
"Have fun with your friend," was all she said, and let me dash out of my door.
***
After a very jerky journey (I'd only just got my driver's lisence), I pulled up outside of Gerard's apartment. Having caught my breath, I felt ready to lose it again as I began running, no, sprinting up stairs and towards his front door.
It wasn't locked and I let myself in. The apartment was plunged into darkness, the curtains drawn and the lights off. There was a familiar figure sitting in front of a muted TV screen. Gerard was wrapped in a duvet, his complexion made blotchy by tears and his eyes glistening. In one of his hands was a half-empty bottle of vodka. In front of him were his pills. Xanax. He picked one off of the magazine they were scattered on and popped it into his mouth before washing it down with alcohol.
"Gerard, what are you doing?" I gasped, moving towards him. His pupils were dilated. His breathing was ragged. I pulled the bottle away from his limp hand and pushed away the pills. He looked up at me and hiccupped.
"She's left me, Frankie..." he whispered, "she's gone..."
I sat down beside him and slipped a cautious arm around his shoulders.
"She'll be back, Gee. Once she realises what she's missing..."
"What is she missing, Frankie?" Gerard asked weakly, "a washed-up drunk..."
"No, Gee, she's missing the most incredible guy..." I stopped myself before I could say what I'd been longing to for as long as I could remember. But Gerard slumped onto me, looking up with those big, beautifully hazel eyes. They were rimmed with red from crying and they leaked yet more tears.
How I'd long to kiss away those droplets of salt-water...
How I'd long to just kiss him.
"Go on," he mused softly. I saw myself reflected in his eyes. Fear etched onto my expression.
"I think I love you..." I whispered.
Gerard's PoV
"I think I love you..."
Those words... they cut through my drunken haze like a knife and left me laying in his arms, staring up at his beautiful face... dumbstruck.
***
Yayness for long updates!
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 9:21 am
More. More. Frankie and Gerard hottest couple ever!!!!!!!
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 10:00 am
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 12:03 pm
Here we are with Chapter Five =D
***
Gerard's PoV (Continued)
Dumstruck. That sure would describe how I felt perfectly. I was now staring up at Frankie's lips, considerably sober for how much I'd drunk within such a short space of time. I bit down gently on my lower lip. Frank's eyes were hooked onto my own and before long, his free hand touched on my chin. He slowly, unsurely, guided his lips to mine.
It seemed as though everything vanished when he kissed me. Everything just... ceased to exist. His cold fingers dug deeper under my chin and he pressed his lips harder onto mine.
Now let me clear something up. Kissing a boy, is very, very different from kissing a girl. I don't consider myself an expert on the subject, but even I could tell that Erin and Frankie kissed differently.
My thoughts seemed to be mangled up inside my head. Maybe it was the fact that Frank's tongue seemed to be working steadily deeper into my mouth... maybe it was the fact that there was this spot that Frankie had evidently missed whilst shaving, just above his top lip... maybe it was...
Every thought in my head seemed to just shut down on the spot as Frank's hand moved to my chest. He was climbing closer to me, a quiet, pleased noise escaping his lips, into my own. I wasn't about to seperate from this any time soon, but Frank had different ideas. He pulled away a few inches and cleared his throat nervously.
"I'm sorry..." he whimpered. I grew confused.
"What do you mean?" I asked him.
"I kissed you..." he told me slowly, as though I'd lost it.
"Yeah..." I shrugged, "but this time... I'm kissing you." With that, I pressed my lips against his once more. My hands found his cheeks, fingers tangling in his hair. I snaked my hands down, around his neck as I clutched him close to me. I couldn't let go...
I refused to let go of him.
My mind was boggling. I was kissing my best friend. I was kissing my best friend. I was kissing my best friend.
This mess was not gonna fix itself.
I don't remember the exact point when we stopped kissing each other. But the moment came and passed and we were left staring at each other on the floor.
"Wow..." Frank whispered. I felt myself smile.
"Yeah..." I replied.
"Are you so out of it you won't remember this tomorrow?" he asked, apprehensively.
"No," I shrugged and moved towards him, pulling him onto my lap. He curled up against me and wrapped his thin arms around my neck.
***
Frank's PoV
I fell asleep in the love of my life's arms last night. You don't get to say that everyday. But last night I even dreamt of Gerard.
He was still asleep when I woke up. I could hear him breathing softly in my ear and it sent chills through me. My fingers entwined slowly with his hair, causing him to mumble something in my ear.
"Hhnnghhrr... timesit?"
Not exactly the romantic nothings I'd expect from someone as creative as Gerard, but they'd do.
"About eleven," I told him quietly. Gerard let out a slightly girlish giggle and nuzzled into my neck.
"Guess what?" he mumbled.
"What?" I asked, smiling weakly as he started kissing my throat.
"I'm going insane," he stated, "I got off with my best friend last night. I must be losing it..."
I giggled gently and pecked my lips to the top of his head.
"If you're losing it, then I already lost it years ago..." I told him gently, "Gerard, you're not crazy." All of a sudden, he jumped up, causing me to tumble to the floor with a loud 'oof'.
"What?" I asked, ********!" Gerard groaned.
"What?" I repeated.
"I forgot everything about the gig last night..." his face showed pure terror and he checked his phone. "See? 14 missed calls. ********. I'm dead. Please say I'm dead... Ray's gonna kill me..."
"He won't if you tell him that Erin walked out last night, Gee-Squee..." I told him gently, in an attempt to calm him down. He took a deep breath and helped me up off the floor. His hands were immediately at my hips, his lips pressed to my jawline. I surprised myself with a soft giggle, before stifling myself with the palm of my hand.
"I love it when you giggle," Gerard pouted, pulling away and leading me to sit with him on the couch.
"Hey, are you sure you're okay about this?" I asked suddenly. He nodded with a shrug.
"I guess so... are you?" he asked. I gave him a sceptical look.
"Gee, I was the one who kissed you, my dear, what do you think?" I teased. He stuck his pointed tongue out at me and I ruffled his hair. He pounced on me suddenly and pinned me down to the couch.
Wow. Gerard really was frisky in the mornings.
His slender fingers wrapped around my wrists and pinned them above my head as his lips went back to work and kissed up my neck, to my lips once more.
***
Enjoy, m'dears.
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