|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 9:36 pm
<.< I have some other stuff lying around... It's old... The haikus aren't right, I know, and they mean stuff to me, even if they don't mean anything to anyone else. Bleh, whatever. Here.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 9:36 pm
"Night"
Night so soft and cool
Protecting and magical
Is what I so love.
"Rock to Sky"
The sky is a rock
Speckled with brilliant smart
Clouds that laugh at us.
"Autumn"
That is Autumn the Wolf
She dances from her heart on whims
and sings soulful howls.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 9:40 pm
"The Tow"
Standing on the drop,
Arms spread out wide,
Back to the fall,
Close my eyes,
Plummet.
Water crashes and rumbles around,
Sinking,
Giving up, submissive to the Tow
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 3:14 am
glorybaby "The Tow" Standing on the drop, Arms spread out wide, Back to the fall, Close my eyes, Plummet. Water crashes and rumbles around, Sinking, Giving up, submissive to the Tow Ooh! I like this one, very nice emotional portrayal! Flows nice too, I like how it seems that you feel as if you're standing on a cliff edge and then jumping, the shortening of beats gives an emergent falling sensation and the slow realization or that third long line that makes you feel like you hit the water. Most excellent! the Demon
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 6:11 am
Desert_Demon glorybaby "The Tow" Standing on the drop, Arms spread out wide, Back to the fall, Close my eyes, Plummet. Water crashes and rumbles around, Sinking, Giving up, submissive to the Tow Ooh! I like this one, very nice emotional portrayal! Flows nice too, I like how it seems that you feel as if you're standing on a cliff edge and then jumping, the shortening of beats gives an emergent falling sensation and the slow realization or that third long line that makes you feel like you hit the water. Most excellent! the Demon I agree. I like the imagry (I hate spelling.)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 10:53 am
I also agree on "The Tow". I like the title, it fits to the rythimic poem/haiku. I remember doing haikus in hich school. Never was good at them, I don't know why I think I have the know-how to critique yours. All I can say is I liked it. biggrin
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 12:59 pm
*agrees with all the above* wink
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 7:24 pm
Good job. I used to write a ton of haikus before.... Before a lot of stuff happened.
Now I find them to restrictive, and care more for the sheer passion of well-executed freestyle.
Vale,
~Valens
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 8:35 pm
eek *faints at all the nice comments* @.@...woooow....Thank you!
Haikus are restrictive, but they're about limiting yourself to just a fleeting moment in time, like water running down a stream, just a flash of something. I think in Japan they were (maybe still are) about the beauty in nature. It's been awhile since I "studied" haiku...I was homeschooled at the time, so I did it alone gonk I wish I had someone to teach me real poetry. I suck at syllables ~.~;;;
Also, there is nothing wrong with simply saying, "I liked your poem/story/etc." and saying why ^.^ We don't all have to be critics. Besides...critics don't have big hearts, and writing is supposed to speak to the heart.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 9:12 pm
I don't agree with that last part, Glory. Not a bit.
I think that sometimes, it is easy to say that some people have bigger hearts than others, but if they do, it is because they fill it with the richness of Love. Some people may make us wonder if they even have hearts at all, but within even the cruelest lies a tiny seed of Goodness.
I believe that critics hold a unique good. Even if their comments sometimes hurt, it is always in the best interest in the writing--and as an extension--the writer that those words are spoken.
That someone cares enough about another to try and better them, to attempt to bring greatness from goodness, makes me hope for more, strive for more. It is a unique Love, but perhaps one of the truest.
So, on the contrary to your comment, I believe that critics, Demon perhaps chief among them, have bigger hearts then they often let on. Sometimes...we must look a little deeper into a person to see the shape of their Goodness, Glory, but I promise you that those glimpses into the human heart will leave you a new person--a better person--each time.
And people like that...they deserve a harder look, because they gifted you with their own.
Love and Vale,
~Leavaros Dapple
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 11:52 pm
I'll show you the size of my goodness...
I don't really resent the remark at all since it was pretty well aimed at me since I wasn't all that nice to her story. I've been insinuated worse than simply not having a heart, cripes I take that as a compliment.
I can be one of two people:
The first person I can be is the idiot who simply says: Yay good job I lookz forward to seeing more! A nice pat on the back but generally most authors hate these people.
The second person I can be and am is the one that says if I like it or not and why. For some reason, if I didn't like it, you and everyone else would want to know why, if I did, no one would care why. But just because I like something doesn't mean there isn't something wrong with it. I'd rather give someone reason in both cases because then I've done my job as a respectable and credible reader and editor.
It's solely for my own piece of mind and ritual habit.
the Demon
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 11:49 am
*mumbles* Been letting my mouth run again...*sigh*
o.o I wasn't talking about you, Demon, at all, or even Leavaros. I wasn't even thinking about you when I was typing that response. I don't even remember what you said blaugh Glory sleepy...tee hee hee!
I'm actually quite the critic myself <.<;;; Go to my other writing guild and see all my critiques in the Poetry subforum. They're much better than the ones I post here. I'm shy here...I blame Leavaros *points a finger at him* He scares me ;_;
But I actually meant critic in the sense of a professional critic, those guys who usually have little good to say about anything. It seems that way to me anyways... Those kind of critics seem more like they want to nitpick a story merely because it is something that has an error, not because they want to make it better or the author better. I'm generalizing, I'm sure. But do you see what I mean about critics having little heart from that perspective?
Blah blah, mostly I was letting my mouth run...I tend to do that a lot...Sorry...-_-;;;
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
