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 Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 4:31 pm
"What Matters Now"
Everything is different now.
If I try--really try--
I can feel the wind pulse,
And the sap flow in a tree,
And the rhythmic breath of someone near.
But they think everything is the same.
They must--because still they chatter,
Squabbling over the little things,
As life's majesty passes them by.
But not me. Never me.
I embrace the steady beat of Gaea's heart,
And Celestia's steady breath,
And the orchestra of a thousand souls,
Human and Beast and Wood,
And Stone and River and Mountain,
And Cloud and Sun and Moon and Stars,
And all that is.
Everything else,
All the little trivial matters
Matter not.
Not anymore.
Never again.
~Valens
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 8:39 pm
*Applauds and wipes away a single tear*
Very nice Varos, I don't think the end works very well with the change is positioning, I actually missed those last four lines. The 4th last line and the 3rd last are a little too awkward, you use Matter too frequently and it throws off the rhythm and makes you double take which detracts from the last two lines.
Just some thoughts, time to go write my own poem, stupid freak inspiration... I want to go to bed...
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 9:14 pm
Kk, I thought it might be a bit too much on Gaia. I'll cut out the alignment property.
Thanks,
-Valens
P.S. By the way, umm..I'll try to fix the lines, but I'm not sure how. It sounds fine and rhythmical when I say it, and those lines are supposed to cut the rhythm anyway. Well, goodnight, Dearest Demon.
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Posted: Fri Dec 15, 2006 6:32 pm
The switching lines distracted me as well... But if you can't fix it, then my opinion on it doesn't really matter. sweatdrop
The poem though, is very well done. I read it thrice, that's how much I enjoyed it. 4laugh
~Kiyo
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Posted: Fri Dec 15, 2006 8:48 pm
Thrice? Gods, Kiyome, that's more than I've read it!
-LD
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