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 Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 3:01 pm
~ Three Cheers For BDD ~
~*~*~ A Story of Body Dismorphic Disorder ~*~*~
Rated PG-13 for the uh... 'expletives'. Again. Hurray for fanfic number four!
Cads’ PoV
Clutching my towel close, I eyed the door in front of me… preparing. Every muscle tense, listening… waiting. The coast was clear… I think. Opening the bedroom door silently, I slipped out. No-one. Breathing a sigh of relief, I relaxed and moved stealthily towards the bathroom door.
“Hey, Cads…” I jumped. And I mean physically jumped. Who wouldn’t? Well… everyone, I guess. Frank Iero, eyebrow raised, was watching me quizzically. I automatically reached down, attempting to lengthen the towel I was wrapped in. Why’d they make these damn things so damn… small?
“Uh, hey, Frank.” Silence. My cheeks were blazing, I just knew it, and I felt a tremble run through the hand that clutched the towel together. I looked down at the knuckles that were white from the grip.
“Do you know where that boyfriend of yours is?” he asked calmly. How dare he be so calm!
“Gerard?-”
“Nuh, the other one, dear,” he interrupted with a sarcastic tone, smiling nonetheless. I giggled to humour him, continuing with my sentence.
“He’s at the store…” I was inching backwards, ready to dart to the steamy safety of the bathroom. Frank nodded, now smiling warmly. I didn’t mean to run; I’d been telling myself to walk calmly, but in the end I’d dashed, slamming the ebony door shut behind me.
The Way bathroom was neat; just like the rest of the house. Dark décor, only a small window, and black curtains. The only thing I could remark on was… well… the mirror. It was big, ominous and shiny, showing every single flaw. It was cruel, as mirrors often were. Turning away with a shudder, I flicked the switch of the shower.
Frank’s PoV
I watched the bizarre girl go, slamming the door shut. I didn’t usually have that effect on girls. I mean, of course, the fans… they’d more likely be running towards me wearing very little. This made it very difficult indeed to find a girl who was serious about me and not just ‘omgitsfrankiero!!!1’. I’m not being full of myself here. It’s happened before.
Sighing inwardly at the news of Gerard’s departure to the store, I trundled downstairs.
Bored. Bored… Bored.
Damn you, New Jersey! Get the hell into the interesting lane, already! The others were busy, as usual. Writing some music, playing some music… writing some more music. Don’t get me wrong; this band means as much to me as it does to Toro or Bob, but they’d crossed the border into the boredom lane a long long time ago. I was still holding up hope that somehow Gee would be willing to give it a rest for the night.
The state of the Way living room: Bombsite. Sheets of paper shattered over the couch and floor, along with a tired-looking Raymond Toro who appeared to be taking a nap under a sheet of music-paper. Fighting off the urge to draw on him, I threw myself onto the couch beside him, rustling a few sheets and almost succeeding in ripping out a chunk of his fro.
“O-huh?” he mumbled, snapping awake and sitting up.
“Ray-mond… were you sleepy?” I asked in sing-song voice.
“No s**t, Franklin,” he replied, scowling. Aw, Ray was shitty. “Now shift, you’re crumpling my work.” I rolled sideways, only managing to roll over more sheets of paper. Ray let out a short-tempered growl and poked me sharply in the ribs, before giving up the hard-guy act and tickling my sides.
“Gerroff!” I heard myself squeal, trampling more paper with my frantic struggle for survival. The front door opened and closed again, a bemused Gerard watching from the doorway.
“Orgy, much?” he asked with a snigger. I grinned, violently happy at the return of our vocalist.
“Ssh,” I hushed to Ray, “he’s just jealous… maybe it’s because he didn’t get fan-glomped on the way home…”
“I didn’t actually… but I was wearing shades. And I had my hood up. And I was wearing a sign at the time that read ‘Gerard Way? Not me’…” he returned, entering the living room.
“Cads is acting weird again, Gee… have you noticed?”
“No…” he replied slowly, setting his purchases on a nearby armchair, reaching in and taking out a can of soda, “weird how?” I shrugged.
“I dunno, she’s all secretive and hides whenever she’s going to take a shower… maybe it’s a new-found religion and telling us would only infuriate her uber-god?”
“I… don’t think so, somehow, Frankie. Maybe she just didn’t want you guys perving over her, maybe,” he smirked. There was something about his unsure tone that I didn’t believe.
~*~*~*~
Okay, Comments?
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Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 3:22 pm
I like this. xd
You're very good, and I can identify with the girls thoughts, which makes it awesome.
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Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 11:41 am
Update time ^^
***
Gerard’s PoV
Cads was acting weird again. Cads was acting weird again… please not again. The last time she’d been acting weird it’d been serious. I couldn’t bear to see her hurt like last time. Even now I couldn’t stand hearing the words ‘suicide’ and ‘attempt’ in the same sentence. Or in different sentences… either way. I turned to my comrades and spoke quietly in an attempt to sound subtle.
“I’m just gonna put this stuff away,” I murmured, picking up the brown paper bag and transporting it to the kitchen. Within a few more seconds I’d scaled the stairs and was standing before the dark bathroom door, my fingernails tapping gently on the surface.
“Cads… sweetness? Are you okay?” I asked, fighting for a level voice. The shower was shut off and there was a slight movement in the bathroom. The squeak of wet skin on tile. The unlocking of the door. The slightly flushed face appeared between the tiny crack of the door.
“Are you okay?” I heard myself repeat.
“Yeah…” she replied, her eyes growing wide in confusion. It has to be said… her eyes were the things that brought me to her. Clear blue and not out of place on the face of a cherub, they projected so much emotion it must’ve made her facial muscles jealous.
“Promise?” She knew I was probing. She also must’ve known the true meaning behind my question.
“I’m fine, Gee. I promise,” she told me softly.
“Good… and you’d tell me if-”
“Gerard, I’ve promised and promised again to tell you if anything’s bothering me, sweetie… and I will…” she pouted. I suddenly felt so dumb that I wanted the ground to swallow me up and squish me into goo. Gently pushing the door open a few more inches I planted a soft kiss on her nose. She smiled happily. God, how I loved that smile. Cads pushed the door shut slowly, leaving me standing alone in the hallway. A few moments later she emerged, dressed in a baggy black hoodie that bore the Aiden logo in electric pink and an even baggier pair of dirty-look jeans. On her still-wet hair was a plain black beanie-cap. I smiled at her.
“You’re still here?” She asked, perplexed but showing a small smile.
“How could I not be?” I replied, wrapping her skinny figure up in my arms. Cads… her nickname sprung up when she had wandered up to me shortly after we’d first met. She’d confessed later that she’d been high as a kite at the time and had spent several hours ranting about why anyone would ******** name a chocolate company ‘Cadburys’. She seemed to regard me with interest before bringing her hand up to push my hair out of my eyes.
“I love you…” she spoke simply. Those words sent a pleasant chill right through me, scattering them all through my spine and causing me to shiver them off. But not from just everyone... they had to be from her.
“You know I love you too,” I told her, my lips pressing to her’s.
Cads’ PoV
How can you love me, Gerard? How can someone like you tell me they love me without laughing? Sometimes I think you must be blind.
It wasn’t my fault I was… big-boned? Overly-round? Endomorphic? Oh, let’s face it: I was fat. Enormous. It was a wonder nobody ever says anything about it. I don’t know why Gerard would look at me twice. Why didn’t he just drop me and find someone better-looking? It wouldn’t exactly be difficult. I’d asked him that a few nights ago and his answer… ‘Cads, you’re skinnier than Mikes.’ Now that… that had made me giggle. I hadn’t stopped until I couldn’t breathe.
I looked up at his pale features as he broke his kiss and wanted to shrivel at his gaze… his penetrating hazel eyes, taking in every little thing about me. He held me until I couldn’t stand it… he must’ve been the most iron-willed guy alive to have held someone like me for that amount of time. Pulling away, I rubbed the end of my nose gently… a sign I was anxious. It was one of the worst habits of my life (well, unless you wanna count the pot and the cigarettes). Gerard knew my ticks and traits… most of all that particular one.
“What’s up,” he asked me simply, making my cheeks flush.
“Nothing… honest.”
“Liar,” his voice was cool and he feigned a hurt look.
“It’s nothing, Hon…” I told him firmly. He, on the other hand, raised an eyebrow. I couldn’t lie to that face.
“Do you think I should lose weight?” I blurted before I could trap those words in.
“Lose weight? You? You have no weight to lose, Cads… seriously…” This time I didn’t giggle, just let out a short laugh that sounded more like a bark, before pulling my hoodie up a few inches and pinching the flesh below.
“What about here? And here? Oh, and this bit here…” I let the material fall, hiding my belly.
“Cads… that’s skin…” Gerard looked concerned. I knew his concerned face like the back of my hand.
“It’s not skin. It’s hideous. You don’t deserve to have to look at it…” this was the most truth I’d ever spoken on the matter to him. His perfect eyes grew wide.
“Baby… I love you… more than anything. You have no need to lose weight. At all… and I wont let you diet cause you barely eat as it is,” he finished, a tone of finality in his voice. For him, I decided not to pursue the matter. If he wouldn’t admit it, I’d just have to make him see it for himself.
Gerard’s PoV
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I was right when I’d told her that she had no weight to lose; not even my brother was that skinny.
As we both emerged downstairs I heard a wolf-whistle thrown from Frank’s direction.
“Take your time, Mr Way…” he waggled his eyebrows suggestively. Glaring at him somewhat playfully, I changed the subject.
“So what’re the plans for tonight, then?” I asked, causing Frank to shrug.
“I ‘unno. How about a movie?”
“Oh! Oh! Monty Python… I’m in a Pythonish mood,” Cads exclaimed with a grin. Ray gave her a thoughtful nod.
“Good choice…”
“Damn straight. ‘And Now For Something Completely Different’?” Frank chimed in. I remember movie nights when I was a kid. It was just me, Mikey and sometimes Frank and Ray.
Oh yes, tonight would be fun.
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Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 12:12 pm
I think it's interesting the way she sees herself as really fat when everyone else sees her as skinny - of course thats what Body Dismorphic Disorder is. And you write it so well! I love reading this!
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Posted: Wed Nov 01, 2006 3:05 pm
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Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2006 4:22 am
Still Gerard’s PoV
With the band (and Cads) piled into the lounge, the lights were shut off and the TV switched on. Frank and Mikey were sprawled on the floor in front of the couch and Bob, Cads, Ray and I were tangled together on the three-seater. I couldn’t help but feel a little twinge of worry as Cads declined popcorn with a nervous giggle and a playful ‘do you know how many calories are in that?’. Returning my attention to the screen, I watched as the movie began.
~*~*~*~
Looking down at the sleeping form whose head rested on my shoulder, I smiled faintly. The movie had ended an hour ago and I didn’t have the heart to wake Cads up. She murmured something unintelligible and shifted, burying her face painfully into my shoulder. God this girl slept like the dead. I flicked the channel of the TV, my nose wrinkling in distaste. No wonder I never watched TV. Cads stirred once more and looked blearily up at me, scowling suspiciously.
“Why s’it dark?” she slurred. I giggled slightly girlishly.
“That’s what happens when the sun goes down.”
“What time is it?” she sat up, rubbing her eyes.
“About seven. Are you hungry?”
“Not really,” she replied all-too-quickly as her stomach gave a loud grumble. I narrowed my eyes slightly.
“Sure?”
“Yeah…” she replied, her voice slightly softer. I gave her a crafty smile, standing and moving around the sofa into the kitchen. I found the chocolate I’d bought earlier and returned to sit where Cads was still watching me.
“Well now, it’s a pity you’re not hungry because… stupid me… I’ve gone and bought the biggest bar of chocolate I could find…” my hands unwrapped the foil, peeling it off slowly, sensually… sexually. Chocolate was her weak spot… and I damn well knew it. Once left with the unwrapped bar, I snapped off a corner, waving it tantalizingly under her nose. Her eyes narrowed, following the candy. Suddenly pulling it away from her, I slipped it onto my tongue, smiling in euphoria.
“Y’know, I think there’s happiness or sunshine or something woven in here…” I mumbled through the chocolate. Cads looked almost horrified, and her glance found the remaining bar, her stomach giving another grumble. Bingo. Snapping off another large hunk, I offered it to her. She gazed down at it, biting her bottom lip before suddenly darting to her feet and thundering upstairs.
Cads’ PoV
Why doesn’t he get it? Everyone else would’ve just let me diet… but not Gerard. I shut myself in the bathroom; the only door with a lock. My eyes reluctantly found the mirror and I suddenly became entranced by my own, hideous image. The concentration was shattered by the sudden knocking on the door.
“What?” I asked, a little ruder then intended.
“Cads, I’m sorry… please unlock the door,” his voice sounded so anxious that I almost obliged.
“No,” I sat resolutely against the door, folding my arms. It was safe in here… there was no food.
“Please? For me?”
“Gerard, you can’t play the guilt card… you know it always works. It’s an unfair advantage…” I whined.
“Aw, Cads… please come out… it’s chaos out here without you - Frank! Put those scissors down! Hey, Mikey! Matches aren’t toys!” I found myself giggling and immediately afterwards cursing myself. “See, you’d better get out here before - Toro! Quit eating that!”
“Alright, alright…” I slid the bolt on the door open and slid away from the door. Gerard entered the bathroom and shut the door behind him, sitting against it, opposite me.
***
I know it's short and ends on a cliff-hanger. . . but I've had the worst case of writer's block this week.
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Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2006 4:50 am
It just makes me want to hug her...aww. i really love this story.
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Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 7:25 pm
update please! i really want to know what happens!
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Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 5:35 am
Update soon I need to know what happens
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Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 5:55 pm
pleaseee update
i am in love with your writings.=]
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Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 10:49 am
dorkifiedchick I think it's interesting the way she sees herself as really fat when everyone else sees her as skinny - of course thats what Body Dismorphic Disorder is. And you write it so well! I love reading this! i agree with her....eneryone says i'm super skinny but every time i get on the scale i see that i'm getting fatter and i must diet and all the diets i've done don't do S**T for me ugh i'm really fat even if i'm only 147and 13 years old damn you cruel world!
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Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 5:53 am
Well, being a recoveing anorexic myself, I can identify with pretty much everything. I hope this has a happy ending- I've had too many friends who died because of anorexia.
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Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2007 3:11 am
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Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 7:04 am
Update!
~*~*~*~
Still Cads’ PoV
I gazed across at Gerard. He stared straight back. “Don’t give me that look…” I warned.
“What look?” he asked innocently.
“The look I can tell you’re about to give me…” I dropped my gaze, shaking my head grimly.
“I only give you that look because I know it works, Cads,” eek. It was that ‘I’m-deadly-serious’ tone of voice he only used when he wanted straight answers. I, metaphorically, buttoned my lip, but as he raised one of his thin eyebrows I felt the restraint fall down.
“Okay… I’m sorry if you’re worried, but I really need to lose weight… don’t go and tell me I don’t need to, because if I feel I do than I do…”
“Cads…”
“Don’t even go there, Gee. Don’t lie to me and tell me that I’m pretty. Just… don’t.” The figure sitting opposite me grew silent for a few seconds before speaking quietly.
“Okay. If you want to waste away by not eating, go ahead,” without another word he got up and left the bathroom, slamming the door roughly behind him. I was left in an anxious silence, sitting on my own. Breathing steadily to avoid tears, I finally got to my wobbly feet and eyed myself once more in the mirror with a grimace. I could’ve stayed in there all day if it wasn’t for the mirror. It was more than hate I felt towards that surface. It was a loathing, pure black and as deep as hell. I left before said loathing could boil over and something was hurled at that mirror. I retreated into the safety of my bedroom and curled up on the cold bed sheets. They were cool against my burning cheeks and I felt myself slowly falling asleep.
Gerard’s PoV
I stepped silently into the cool darkness of our bedroom. She was curled up and snoozing softly. I felt my lips curving into a fond smile, and my hands pushed a strand of hair out of her face. She murmured unintelligibly and rolled onto her back, frowning. I withdrew my hand and sat beside her sleeping form.
“I’m sorry I was a b***h,” I whispered to her, smiling grimly, apologising was so much easier when the person you were apologising to was asleep. They could still hear you, but the likeliness of them hitting you was much less. “And you’re not allowed to diet,” I added, mainly for my own satisfaction, laying down beside her. I didn’t mean to fall asleep… I honestly didn’t. But before long it was inevitable and I joined Cads in the land of nod.
That’s right. I said ‘Land of Nod’.
Cad’s PoV
My mood had improved since my dream of Gerard dressed in drag, calling himself a b***h. I blinked my eyes open, seeing the queen in question asleep next to me. I planted a kiss on his forehead and clambered subtly over him. With a faint smile on my face, I moved downstairs and into the lounge. Frank was sitting on the couch, guitar resting gently on his knees and his fingers strumming gently at the strings.
“Morning,” I greeted, sitting beside him. He grinned, looking up momentarily from the fret-board and then writing on a sheet of paper beside him. “How’s it going?”
“Not bad,” he replied, sighing, “but my creative juices need topping up… get me a soda?” he shot me a look as though butter wouldn’t melt. I grinned and got up, moving through the kitchen and grabbing Frank a can from the refrigerator and returned, handing it to him.
“Enjoy…” Sitting next to him again, I flicked the TV on and muted it… nothing to disturb my favourite rhythm guitarist. “Speaking of guitarists…” I smiled as Ray entered the room and Frank frowned slightly, confused.
“But no-one was speaking of guitarists…” he said bluntly.
Gerard’s PoV
For some reason my head was throbbing as I woke up, and my throat felt even worse. I groaned to myself, pressing a hand to my burning forehead. <********,” I stumbled off of the bed and succeeded in falling flat on my sorry face, “********.” I didn’t even try to crawl off of the bedroom floor. Every time I moved, it felt like a heard of elephants trampling over my brain. Someone’d be up any minute now to check what that thump was. Right? Oh Geez… “Uh, guys?” I called, as loud as my raw throat would allow me, “little help?”
~*~*~*~
Enjoy?
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Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 7:23 am
I lovers this! heart I need to know what happens!!!!
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