|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Oct 20, 2006 7:09 pm
A while ago, I told my friends to give me a subject to write a poem about. They gave me the word lament.
2 months later, that poem finally arrives. Psychology class was really boring today. XD
For what is lost, I mourn
Inside, I am torn
The heart inside me broken
So many words left unspoken
The chance to say them, long gone
To yearn for things since past
Leaves a hole quite vast
A crack in the earth
A gigantic girth
Breaking with each new dawn
Day and night are all the same
For everything this life became
Alone in a galaxy where nothing cares
Challenging the one that dares
Forever question on
The first line, second stanza is on purpose.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Oct 20, 2006 8:32 pm
likin' whatever this stream of poetry is 3nodding
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 5:59 pm
Thanks, Kirby.
DAY AFTER TOMMOROW!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 6:09 pm
As I previously said, I love structured, and that is awesome... Actually I almost titled my novel God Of Laments (which is a synonym for Baldr in Norse Mythos), and that is one of my favorite words to use when writing... Very good.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 2:33 pm
[ In Nomine Satanas ] As I previously said, I love structured, and that is awesome... Actually I almost titled my novel God Of Laments (which is a synonym for Baldr in Norse Mythos), and that is one of my favorite words to use when writing... Very good.
Why didn't anyone point out that I had typed "galaxy" as "galazy"?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 2:51 pm
I liked this!!! Kudos! and cookies... eat them fast rolleyes
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 10, 2006 3:58 pm
A gigantic girth
try revising that line it doesnt seem to flow with the rest of it. Otherwise I quite enjoyed it.
Actually reading it over im not sure what you could do with that part.
I love the word lament. The spelling, the sound, everything.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 3:41 pm
I'm probably entering tihs as my third and final poetry entry for that contest.
So, commence with the "tell waffles every little thing that could improve this poem"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 6:31 pm
To yearn for things since past
Leaves a hole quite vast
A crack in the earth
A gigantic girth
Breaking with each new dawn
Day and night are all the same
For everything this life became
Alone in a galaxy where nothing cares
Challenging the one that dares
Forever question on!
Um, I'm a wordy syllable freak. It could maybe use a few more syllables here and there. The rhyming's good, and I love the concept though.
Breaking with each new dawn
That line's a little off.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
![[ In Nomine Satanas ]'s avatar](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/1b/c4/6aa1e08031c41b_flip.png?t=1244610061_6.00_01)
![[Hollow Point]'s avatar](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/de/fb/743c3911afbde_flip.png?t=1267651205_6.00_00)
