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Here's a short story I've written. It's based off of something larger so there maybe holes sweatdrop sorry.

Saeed stared out the window of the station, motionless. The two planets hovered before him in the blackness. The larger one, Darson, was blue and green with water and fertile land. The other, Leviel, seemed like a dead moon bathed in blood. At least that was how it seemed to Kelvie, who stood behind Saeed hiding in the shadows. To the tall stately man, like a precious stone that once belong to him but now sat in a pawn shop window. The prisoner watched the captain for an hour before anything happened.
“Lovely view isn’t it, Kelvie?” Saeed asked still looking straight ahead. Kelvie flinched. She didn’t realize that he knew she was there. She wasn’t even supposed to be out of her cell.
“I’m not causing any trouble or nothing,” she explained as she stepped into the light. “I just...” Saeed cut her off.
“I’m not accusing you. I am just trying to make small talk,” he calmly stated as Kelvie continually came closer. “Besides, I told the guards that it was okay for you to get out. After all there are other ways to keep you from misbehaving than just a force field. You don’t really think that the only purpose for the collar around your neck is to identify you as a prisoner, do you?”
Kelvie remained silent to hide her ignorance. It was then that she noticed something unusual about Saeed. His eyes were only one color like hers. “You’re not a Levielian!” she gasped. It was known fact that all Levielians had a second ring of color around their irises.
“You’re very observant, though I consider myself to be one.”
Kelvie could not believe what she was hearing. “But, you’re a Dars! How could you forget your home land and be on this ship with these dirty kawoks?!” she swore in her native tongue.
Saeed looked at her in a cold manner. “I’ve never been to Darson, so I could not call it my ‘home land’. Also, it would be wisest to not to use such language on this ship, especially when it is so crude,” he said like a teacher disappointed in their favorite student.
“Is that even possible?” Kelvie asked. “I mean, Leviel has been a forbidden planet forever.”
“It hasn’t been banned for even 40 years yet,” Saeed pointed out. “My parents were researchers and had me when they were on Leviel. It was afterwards that all Dars were ordered to return to Darson and to leave any child who couldn’t remember the ‘home land’. I was an infant.”
“That makes sense keeps other children from being corrupted by Levielian ideas,” Kelvie pointed out.
“Hmm. Anyways, that brings me to why I allowed you out of your cell.”
“You had a reason? I thought you were just crazy or senile or something,” she interjected casually.
“No, no I’m not,” he argued cooly. “The reason, as I was saying, is simple, but,” a smile spread across Saeed’s face, “I think I might wait til the next time speak to tell you that. Now, I believe now is when I notice the prisoner has escaped and call for guards to take her away in a rough way. Unless said prisoner would like to go to her cell quietly without any fuss.”Kelvie got his message and left. “That went well,” Saeed mused to himself and turned back to watching the planets.

Okay....Um, I don't think it really stands well as a short story. It seems more like it would be some kind of epic scifi thing. Ummm...First thing...why do I care about these characters in the beginning? You didn't really give any background on them, so I have no reason to care. Also...dead moon bathed in blood sounds extremely cheesy.

Wow, this was just for a contest and I wasn't planning on continueing it at this time, but I might if you really think this is a keeper.

Got it. wink xd

I liked it ^_^ I agree that it doesn't seem like a short story, more like an opening scene. I'd like to see more like everyone else. Mostly, I think, it needs some overall refinement and it'll be good ^_^

The only thing that really stood out to me was:
Saeed stared out the window of the station, motionless. The two planets hovered before him in the blackness. The larger one, Darson, was blue and green with water and fertile land. The other, Leviel, seemed like a dead moon bathed in blood. At least that was how it seemed to Kelvie, who stood behind Saeed hiding in the shadows. To the tall stately man, like a precious stone that once belong to him but now sat in a pawn shop window. The prisoner watched the captain for an hour before anything happened.


It's not a sentence and it confused me. I didn't realize what it meant until now xp Maybe try somethin like, "To the tall stately man, Leviel seemed like a precious stone that once belong to him, but now sat in a pawn shop window."

Oh, and spaces between paragraphs ~.~ One of the top killers of fanfiction.

Yes, it does sound like the beginning of something, and I'm sure you'll find a few errors here and there, but it's a very good start! Don't make your "short" story too short, cuz I wanna read more! blaugh