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 Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 1:30 pm
Well, I met a really great guy before coming to BYU, and he moved with me. The thing is that even though the guy found a way to support me after marriage, I feel like the life I want for myself has come too easy. It doesn't feel like I'm really participating in my own destiny. I love the guy, and am proud of what he has done so far, but it seems like I'm just a player in someone else's game, if that make sense.
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Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 1:54 pm
I hope I can help. I just got married in May myself.
I don't think I've heard enough of the story to understand though. Is he asking you to get married right away and leave school? Does it just feel too early? Do you feel that his current job isn't stable enough to support you in later years when you're raising a family together? Are you planning for temple marriage?
and finally,
How do you feel when you pray about this?
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Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 8:30 pm
Obviously, I do not know your situation enough to be of TOO much help. But if it were me, well, I place a very high value on self-sufficiency. He may be able to support you now, but what if things change? What if he is hurt and can not work? I reccomend working on a career... not to the detriment of your future family, but especially before you have children. Your family comes first. I am not advocating anything different. I am just saying, at least get the SKILLS you need to have a career even if you never need to HAVE one. A marriage is a partnership... and both people need to be able to be ready for the unexpected.
Maybe then you will not feel so much like a "kept-woman" and more in control of your destiny.
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Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 5:00 am
Sometimes blessings come without earning them first, and then afterwards, the trials come.
Sometimes you feel like you don't deserve the blessings you receive, but you really do deserve them which is why you receive them.
But, I suggest fasting and praying to see if he is the man you should marry. make the decision first, then ask if it's right.
....I thought a "kept woman" was a mistress(lover aside from wife)????
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Posted: Fri Sep 22, 2006 1:30 pm
I get mixed answers when I pray. He's so sure that this will last that he isn't really worried on his education, he wants me to get my degree, but I don't want to be the only smart one in the relationship. I can't help but worry that no matter what, there will be problems when we have kids, like if not financially, the kids will be born with a disability. I'll love them no matter what, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to handle it.
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 6:20 pm
go to college, work hard, get a degree, then get married.
This ensures that if your husband ever goes out of work or you both need to work, you're all set.
any feelings of inadequacy that you have are superficial and will hopefully pass when you begin working hard at being a homemaker.
and from what I've heard, being a homemaker is no picnic. you gotta work at it.
just because he can support you, doesn't mean you get to sit at home and watch soaps all day while eating bon bons. you gotta work hard as well!
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Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 7:02 am
dersephy go to college, work hard, get a degree, then get married. This ensures that if your husband ever goes out of work or you both need to work, you're all set. any feelings of inadequacy that you have are superficial and will hopefully pass when you begin working hard at being a homemaker. and from what I've heard, being a homemaker is no picnic. you gotta work at it. just because he can support you, doesn't mean you get to sit at home and watch soaps all day while eating bon bons. you gotta work hard as well! Hey! I plan on having a career too. I just meant that I felt that I didn't feel like I was making any decisions in MY own life.
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Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2006 2:17 am
Samantha_Grey dersephy go to college, work hard, get a degree, then get married. This ensures that if your husband ever goes out of work or you both need to work, you're all set. any feelings of inadequacy that you have are superficial and will hopefully pass when you begin working hard at being a homemaker. and from what I've heard, being a homemaker is no picnic. you gotta work at it. just because he can support you, doesn't mean you get to sit at home and watch soaps all day while eating bon bons. you gotta work hard as well! Hey! I plan on having a career too. I just meant that I felt that I didn't feel like I was making any decisions in MY own life. i'm not gonna touch this one, females often get irate when i ask them what their going to do when they have kids... those darn feminazis... lol
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Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2006 2:20 pm
dersephy go to college, work hard, get a degree, then get married. This ensures that if your husband ever goes out of work or you both need to work, you're all set. Just because you have a degree doesn't mean you're all set. Sure, it gives you an advantage over people who don't have their degree, but that's about it. It really depends on what you get your degree in, and who you know in the business. And If I understand correctly, Samantha is concerned that her potential fiance is taking a gamble on who he knows in one business in a job that will not likely support a family, and he has no intention of getting a degree of his own. She can't raise the kids and have a full time job, and it could easily come to that. dersephy any feelings of inadequacy that you have are superficial and will hopefully pass when you begin working hard at being a homemaker. Woah, woah, wait a minute. You're saying that even though being a homemaker has got to be one of the most underappreciated jobs in this country, that pushing yourself just a little harder will make that feeling go away? Gads, no wonder depression is so rampant among mormon women. dersephy and from what I've heard, being a homemaker is no picnic. you gotta work at it. just because he can support you, doesn't mean you get to sit at home and watch soaps all day while eating bon bons. you gotta work hard as well! Yeah, try being almost painfully nausiated every waking moment and throwing up three times a day for about three months straight. I lost something like ten pounds. And I'm not even technically a mother yet.
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Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2006 2:49 am
stare
alright, let's just totally destroy dersephy. talk2hand
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Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2006 9:23 am
kittylin dersephy go to college, work hard, get a degree, then get married. This ensures that if your husband ever goes out of work or you both need to work, you're all set. Just because you have a degree doesn't mean you're all set. Sure, it gives you an advantage over people who don't have their degree, but that's about it. It really depends on what you get your degree in, and who you know in the business. And If I understand correctly, Samantha is concerned that her potential fiance is taking a gamble on who he knows in one business in a job that will not likely support a family, and he has no intention of getting a degree of his own. She can't raise the kids and have a full time job, and it could easily come to that. It also depends on the TYPE of degree that you have: bachelor's, master's, doctorate . . . Also, I agree, having a degree does NOT ensure your chances of having a good job (or having a job, period, for that matter), nor does it ensure that you'll be able to take care of your family. kittylin dersephy any feelings of inadequacy that you have are superficial and will hopefully pass when you begin working hard at being a homemaker. Woah, woah, wait a minute. You're saying that even though being a homemaker has got to be one of the most underappreciated jobs in this country, that pushing yourself just a little harder will make that feeling go away? Gads, no wonder depression is so rampant among mormon women. I love you, kitty. Hence, the reason I don't exactly want to be a full-time homemaker. I also want to have a career of my own . . . translating manga and anime from Japanese to English sweatdrop ((Seriously. I plan on studying Japanese and English.)) kittylin dersephy and from what I've heard, being a homemaker is no picnic. you gotta work at it. just because he can support you, doesn't mean you get to sit at home and watch soaps all day while eating bon bons. you gotta work hard as well! Yeah, try being almost painfully nausiated every waking moment and throwing up three times a day for about three months straight. I lost something like ten pounds. And I'm not even technically a mother yet. At least I know one male who actually acknowledges that fact. Thank you, dersephy, for doing so. However, I think most of us have the jist of that.
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Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2006 9:25 am
dersephy stare alright, let's just totally destroy dersephy. talk2hand Okay! biggrin Just kidding. We love you, dersephy. Just not guys who talk about this stuff like they know what it's like first-hand, and we don't, etc. I think most of us just take things the wrong way. It's really easy to do that over the internet. However, do not in any way excuse my feminism.
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Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2006 2:09 pm
Well, something happened, and everything's a mess, I'm sure things will turn around, and I know that he knows a little of what I was trying to say to him. I hope that he doesn't try to go home because of what's happened, because I'd fall apart without him here.
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