|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 9:14 am
I'm in college now (specifically Hobart and William Smith), and the experience is...mixed. By which I mean there are a scholarship's worth of reasons why I shouldn't complain, but things suck.
I'm dealign with emotional trauma of self-loathing and repressed rage. The more I feel aimless tepid ill-will, the more I feel like some self-pitying pain-sucking passive agressive retch.
Somebody in my resident hall keeps scribbling obscene taunts on the whiteboard on my door (such as a p***s drawing with the phrase "lock and load"), and this adds to my frustration in that I can't respond to the anonymous tormenter. My roommate's girlfriend kept me up late at night with extremely noisy sexual activity that got through my earplugs, but the embarassment keeps me from complaining or in any way adressing the issue. As a result I overslept and was late for my first class, (Creativity: Myth, Mystery, and Mind). I've made some casual friends, but I'm not sure how to continue contact with them (is it socially acceptable to just show up at somebody's dorm?)
Are these feelings normal? Has anybody here experienced similar emotions and situations in their college, and how have you adressed them? Any tips or pearls of wisdom would be appreciated, and feel free to share your own university woes.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 4:47 pm
When I started at college I developed panic attacks. I would wake up many mornings feeling like throwing up and crying, for no reason. They got worse to where it was every day, and various times throughout the day. I would get dressed so my roomate would think I attended class (my roomate is very motherly and I'm a pushover a lot, so she'd lecture me and take care of me when I wasn't taking care of myself). The panic attacks got so bad I had to withdraw my second semester to save my gpa, after pretending to go to class for a whole semester (which also ruined my ability to recieve financial aid, so now I'm having to take semesters off to save up in order to go back).
Right before I withdrew I was informed that they have counselors there which are free to people getting financial assistance. I don't know how it is at every college, but I don't suggest letting it build up, I'd try to see about talking to your college's counselor's. I didn't know what to do because I knew my mom would refuse to believe I was anything other than lazy, she still insists I was just lazy and that I'm lying when I still use that excuse 2 years later... if your parents aren't like that, and pretty understanding, I'd suggest talking to them. My counselor informed me that college is such a major thing in a person's life, and such a major change, it's been known to bring out schizophrenia in people, so I really urge you to try and talk to your counselor. I don't want anybody to make the same mistakes I did about putting it off.
My next door neighbor's in the dorm my first two semesters enjoyed drawing penises on the whiteboard on our door, and they enjoyed it even more when it got to my roomate. She could not stand it, I didn't care. I've had a rough life while my roomate was protected and sheltered, I imagine that had part to do with the difference in our reaction. Honestly, and bluntly, get over it. There are going to be jerks all your life, and letting them get to you is letting them win. So what if they're drawing a p***s on your door? They're immature, this is going to hurt them in the future, not you. What real reason does it have to bother you, other than you know that they mean it offensively? I'd never seen a p***s in real life and I was seeing them on my door every day, I imagine you have... I know they aren't super pretty, but it's really not hurting anything just being there.
But maybe I just didn't care because as an artist I appreciate the human body, even if I don't find it attractive. It's not something I get offended over.
I'm a huge pansy and pushover, especially when it comes to friends (which I was with my friend before we were roomates)...so I'm not so great at sitting people down and saying "look, here are the rules." My roomate insisted on keeping the TV on all day until she went to sleep, which is why I don't watch TV anymore myself. I hate it. You have to judge when it's excessive (you're never going to be 100% happy with a roomate). For sexual activity, he should be the one embarassed. Not only is it rude, it's inconsiderate to you, and his sexual activity with this girl should be something special between them. Sure, my friends and I would gossip about how so and so down the hall was heard doing it, and since we had a class with her she knew we knew and it was a big joke, but she had a private room so she wasn't putting anybody out. Tell your roomate to get his own place, apartment or whatever if he wants to do stuff with her. I don't know if you have a curfew, my dorm did by which time members of the opposite sex had to be out, but even if you don't I'm sure if you talk to him and he ignores you then you can go to your RA and let him know the problem. You shouldn't be embarassed about it. One of the neighbors I mentioned earlier actually lived with a lesbian who was dating another girl at her school, and she insisted on doing stuff with her girlfriend in my neighbor's room. My neighbor just found other places to study, laid out the law, and got a guy to draw two penises in love that she hung on her wall as payback. It's all really up to you how you want to handle it.
And if you've met these people randomly, you'll likely run into them again. Especially if you go to a small school like I did, but even if you don't... if you happen to be at the same place at the same time once then you will be again. If you live in the same dorm, you'll run into one another in the halls. You can invite them to hang out, but I don't think I'd show up at most people's dorms uninvited 'til I really knew them. Hell, some of the people I met randomly turned out to be crazy and I didn't want to hang out with them but didn't want to hurt their feelings later.
But most of your feelings are very normal.
Sorry if I sounded rude or too harsh, I'm a big believer in tough love...but I usually try to sugar coat things. My 14 year old dog had to be put to sleep this morning though, so I'm not in a sugar-coating mood and I'm sure I'm not as eloquent as I'd like to be right now.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 5:46 pm
Honestly, I didn't find any of your words hurtful or abrasive. Hearing your experiences makes me feel a lot better, and it's nice to know I'm not just overreacting.
I'm fortunate enough to have a wonderful family, and pretty much every time I hear about somebody else's relatives I come to appreciate more. I'm sorry that your mother has such a problem accepting the reality of your past stress, and that you had such an inwardly tormenting time.
I don't think the p***s's and insults really get to me, it's just an annoyance I've been listing, like going to the wrong class. I'm sorry if I seem whiney, I just vented all my frustrations and that was one of them.
Thank you very much.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 5:59 pm
Fuzzy Necromancer Honestly, I didn't find any of your words hurtful or abrasive. Hearing your experiences makes me feel a lot better, and it's nice to know I'm not just overreacting. I'm fortunate enough to have a wonderful family, and pretty much every time I hear about somebody else's relatives I come to appreciate more. I'm sorry that your mother has such a problem accepting the reality of your past stress, and that you had such an inwardly tormenting time. I don't think the p***s's and insults really get to me, it's just an annoyance I've been listing, like going to the wrong class. I'm sorry if I seem whiney, I just vented all my frustrations and that was one of them. Thank you very much.
I don't think you sounded whiny at all.
When I'm in school I attend the University of Montevallo and I'm always pissed off with their administration for various reasons. I was hoping to have money to attend while living at a friend's house this semester, but my financial aid was denied from when I'd withdrawn at their suggestion.
I like their classes for the most part, though. Just not enough since it's a smaller college than the one I wanted to attend but wasn't allowed to by my mom (Auburn University). I'm a big school kind of girl, and it's tiny. The one thing I enjoy most is the ghost stories, it has tons whee
But they took terrible care of their students. I'd get sick off their cafeteria food, some dorms are so moldy that people get sick, student workers don't get paychecks, midnite toilet cloggers gonk
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 6:05 pm
Yeek. >.o
I definately got a better deal as far as colleges are concerned. My dorm is nice and clean and brand new. The cafeteria is quite nice as well.
The people in question aren't in my dorm, but I'm sure I'll meet up again later.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 9:07 pm
Oh Lord, my freshmen year was horrible. I had to room with this girl that was uber skinny (like 115 lbs and most of that was in her breast. Seriously this girl had the largest d-cups I have EVER seen), In short she was very attractive and more intelligent than I. as I spent time on campus the little bit of self-esteem I had gained over all these years was sucked right out of me. Not to mention my boyfriend at the time was being a hoe bag because I wasnt in the same state as him anymore. I was miserable but just like you Fuzzy, I had a honors full ride that prevented me from being able to b***h. I am the type of person to not say anything anyways....I tend to bottle stuff up. >< I know not good but whatever, it has worked for me all these years so why change. Anyways, I made 1, yes just ONE, other friend on this campus my freshmen year and I am fine with that.
Basically What I am trying to say is you have a right to be upset, some of us dont just adapt to college life like others.
If your looking for pearls of wisdom all I can say is dont be afraid to be who you are. As for social edicate, when you next see that person ask them when there lunch hour is so that you two might be able to go togather.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 2:53 pm
AWW poor fuzz, im sorry!!
i've never been in college so I cant really say anything... sweatdrop
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2006 9:08 am
I've never been to college, but here's my advice when it comes to making friends: be yourself. There's no better way in weeding out who you really want to know and whom you don't want to know. If they can accept you for who you are, they're going to be good friends. Just about the scariest thing to do is being yourself, but in the end it gives the best results.
And when it all becomes too much... air in here a bit! I'm sure there are many voices of support for you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2006 11:39 pm
I just started college... I don't know how I feel yet. I have a ton of ups and downs. Everyone I've met so far is really nice to me, and I get along with a ton of people. I don't know. It's just... my roommate's mom is really bothering me. She's being super obsessive and overprotective and like. mean to me. because we're sharing a fridge and therefore sharing food. um. big deal? I guess SO. she's treating me like an ungreatful mooch. any advice? just grin and bear it?
ANYWAY, Fuzzy. I'm sure college will improve for you. People say these are the best years of our lives. So... they just might be right.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2006 12:16 pm
kristinarr It's just... my roommate's mom is really bothering me. She's being super obsessive and overprotective and like. mean to me. because we're sharing a fridge and therefore sharing food. um. big deal? I guess SO. she's treating me like an ungreatful mooch. any advice? just grin and bear it?
Anyway, that's a part of college. If your roomate is the one paying for it, it's none of her mom's business. If her mom is paying for it, and you're eating her food, just make sure not to. I'd suggest talking to your roomate about it, especially if you're both eating each other's food. Tell her you don't mind, you enjoy the system, but maybe she needs to talk to her Mom about it in case she hasn't noticed it. Or maybe her mom is like that with everyone and so it's really just a problem with the mom that you have to grin and bear.
I tried grinning and bearing a lot of problems that I had with various aspects with my roomate, and it was rough... I don't suggest it. At least not without first trying to come to some sort of compramise.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2006 1:59 pm
I've got some good personal news. Last night one of my roomates friends remarked upon the fact that me and my roommate are more or less polar opposites, and let me know that there was a single open. After the minimum 2 weeks with my roommate, I'm going to request a transfer to a single room that's opened up recently.
Huzzah!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 12:08 pm
I just started college to, but in all honesty I love it. I love being out of my home where my mother controlled every last breath. I love being able to go hang out with people without having to ask for permission. I love getting home and doing my homework and then going off to chill with people. My first Wednesday here I didn't get any sleep at all so the people I was with decided to go to IHOP at 5 in the morning to drink coffee until our 8 am classes, it was so much fun!
But then again the living situation at my dorm is alot different. We have apartments for dorms. Yes apartments. I have my own bedroom (with queensized bed) and bathroom and my roommate has her own bedroom and bath. I think it makes the transition easier. So I think you should go into the single, it'll probably help.
Oh yeah, about the rage bit. I'm having a really bad anger problem myself here. I don't know why but I'm just pissed off and impatient. Like I was at Walmart with my mom going grocery shopping for my dorm and this old lady cut me off....I was ready to beat her head in with a can of Chef Boyarde. Of course I held myself back, but the urge was sooo strong, I could even feel the tingling in my arm as my muscles wanted to hurt this old lady. But I've been going through alot of s**t such as my mom has been out of work for almost a year and my college just informed me that even though I have a fullride I owe them $1700 from fees and such. That might not sound like alot but when my mom and mine accounts total only $2000 it's a stressful situation.
Bleh, I wish my college had free counseling, but it's small and we don't even have a cafeteria that's open on weekend or dinnertime.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 10:01 pm
WEll, I'll be off to collge in a few years.. and i have no intention of sharing.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 12:54 am
Congrats to the Fuzz for getting into college. I'm sorry it's so painful though. *hugs* I know your pain trust me...not the dorms though, I've never stayed in them for that reason.. Every since I've been in college though I've had issues worse than ever.T.T If you need any advice or just want to rant you can PM me though, even if I'm not here muc hI still check them. heart
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 4:09 am
Update on College Situation:
I'm in my own home again on "medical leave". In college I made some really stupid decisions, and I'm paying for them in triplicate.
Back when I was with a roomate, this party showed up in my room late at night, and I assumed they were invited over by my roomate (In fact, they just wanderedin and started partying when I left the door unlocked). I don't do well in social situations at the best of times, much less parties invading my privacy in close quarters. I got really freaked out and I saw this tall redheaded kid with glassy eyes standing a foot away from me, staring in my general direction, holding my pair of big scissors, waving them and snapping them. I asked him twice to give them back and he didn't respond. I flipped out and I started throttling him. A friendly guy from down the hall broke up the fight, and redhead told me that if I ever tried something like that again, he'd kill me. I susequently ran down to the first floor and locked myself in the bathroom and had a controlled breakdown.
A couple of weeks later, I did something even stupider. I had this little sign duct-taped to my door, nothing of great sentimental value, just some vaguely amusing engrish I got in the mail. However, I came out of my room to see that somebody had moved it. I accused the guy, who was standing right under it, of moving it, and he denied the accusation. Now, here's were I make my mistake. Since somebody moved it, obviously they want to mess with me. It doesn't mean much to me, so I should have taken it inside. Instead, I moved it back to my door. Now, later, I hear the sound of duct-tape peeling. I run out into the hall, waving a pair of big scissors, and accusing everybody around in angry shouts of messing with the sign on my door. In the process, I realize I've locked myself out and cool down.
Later, I hear from the area coordinator, and I talk about the scissors incident. I get refered to a councelor, who talks to me, and in unravelling past events I tell her about the former of the two incidents. Then, I go to the dean, and talk about things with him, and he refers me back to the councelor. I take a "personality test" that's reeealy long with some blatant are-you-crazy questions, and the shrink tells me that she'll recommend to the dean that I be removed from college on medical leave for the safety of the other students, but it's the dean's decision. The dean asks me if I'm happy hear at HWS, repeatedly, and then says that he's going with the councelor's decision.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
