"Hello,Matt." I whispered in my raspy,weak voice.
"Sonny...Oh,Sonny...Are you all right?" He pratically screamed in a rapturous voice,as he nearly jumped out of his chair,at the sound of me awake in my hospital bed. Looks like I've failed again.
"Well,waking up in the chemical recovery center of the hospital was the highlight,and cherry on top of a wonderful life..." I got out in a slightly sarcastic tone,as I sat up in my bed,with a pillow propping up my tailbone.
"You really scared us,man...You really did...I..I found you..Why..Why'd you do it,Sonny? Why? You didn't even leave a note..You didn't even leave an explanation of why you were going to leave us..Of why the light of my life was going to go out so early...I want to know. And I deserve to know."
"You want to know the God's honest truth? You want to know how I was feeling? You want to know what was running through my head when the two thousand millagrams of sleeping pills ran from the hand that feeds,to my mouth? You really want to know?" I asked brushing a strand of hair behind my ear,and running my toungue over the holes my snakebites belonged in,but were taken out when what was probably ambuelence staff pumped my stomach of the killers I took in such desperate need.
"Yes..I need to know...I..Want to help you,Sonny..I do. I'm your best friend..I love you..And if I would have lost you..I would've...You have no idea,you really don't...'' I could tell ,Matt was trying to keep it together,but was failing by the sound of his voice. I could hear the tears in it,begging to stain his cheeks in a manner I'd seen them so many times before..I lightly smiled at him about to break down,because it let me know that someone would needed me if I would've done the job right,and finally bothered to off myself. I can't even do that right. Shows what I'm worth,now doesn't it?
"It was everything,Matt. I've told you of my past..It haunts me..I've told you of the trouble I face when I dare to give in to the deathly poison of staring myself in the mirror,and picking at what I despise,flaw by flaw,inch by inch,blemish by blemish...I've told you I can still see the herione coursing through my vains. I've told you,that I can still feel what it was like to lay on the bathroom floor,full of ecstasy of the cuts that decorated my legs,that were always covered by cliche Hot Topic merchandise...I've told you I can still hear her screaming for me,just to have her scream unanswered and silenced,as she was slowly crushed by metric tons of metal,piercing every single inch of skin,every vain that pumped blood through her,and the heart that I did not know what felt for..The heart that was like no one elses. I've told you I can see her looking at me in the mirror,not forgiving me for the sin I have done,the impulse and indulgance I have seen,and the life I took,the secret I've held deep inside,for only you to see..I've told you how I feel all life and love given to me is but something I should not indulge myself in,and just a dirty trick played on me by God..I've told you how every twist has left me choking,every morning is a day closer,and every night is when I come alive with the spirit that haunts my soul,awakens and coldens me...I've told you,Matt...I've told you at least a million times.."
As I finished my statement,I folded my hands and took my gaze away from the moon that so beautifully hypnotized me,and fixed my gaze upon the wonderful creature that sit beside me in awe. He was left speechless,and astonished by the words I so tenderly spoke,and did not do much but swallow,and looked at me with the eyes that always seemed to ache with sympathy. I took this as a signal to continue.
"I've told you how every single minute is unbearable to face,and every night just leaves me more ravoneous for the taste of my grave,the sweet smell of pine the I will be enclosed in whilst six feet underground,and the feeling of the worms eating my flesh off my bones..I've told you,that I must starve myself,because she needs me to..She needs me to maulnourish myself and become the filthy animal I was the day she shook hands with her fate..I've told you how the screams enrapture my art ,and paint them all over the audience that are all left blinded by what they think it just teen angst. I've told you how I wish I was but a souless existence of the dark,called disgusting,and hated by those who dare see day..I've told you all of this. And still you ask why. Still you question my motives. Still you wonder why I great the stage so hungrily,but as I've told you..It is..The only place I can...I can..Live..Still you bring me to a hospital instead of the morgue I want to be in so badly..Why won't you leave be,Mathew,and let me seal what I have been destined for since the day of my birth,the day I struck the world with the disgusting annoyance of my existance? Why won't you do God's will,and encourage me to destroy myself? Why do you continue to give me a reason to live..Why do you give me the love I pray is a lie,because I am so undeserving? Why? And you must answer me,Mathew,for I have answered your question adequetly and I expect the same decency to be done to me."
"Sonny...Oh,Sonny...Are you all right?" He pratically screamed in a rapturous voice,as he nearly jumped out of his chair,at the sound of me awake in my hospital bed. Looks like I've failed again.
"Well,waking up in the chemical recovery center of the hospital was the highlight,and cherry on top of a wonderful life..." I got out in a slightly sarcastic tone,as I sat up in my bed,with a pillow propping up my tailbone.
"You really scared us,man...You really did...I..I found you..Why..Why'd you do it,Sonny? Why? You didn't even leave a note..You didn't even leave an explanation of why you were going to leave us..Of why the light of my life was going to go out so early...I want to know. And I deserve to know."
"You want to know the God's honest truth? You want to know how I was feeling? You want to know what was running through my head when the two thousand millagrams of sleeping pills ran from the hand that feeds,to my mouth? You really want to know?" I asked brushing a strand of hair behind my ear,and running my toungue over the holes my snakebites belonged in,but were taken out when what was probably ambuelence staff pumped my stomach of the killers I took in such desperate need.
"Yes..I need to know...I..Want to help you,Sonny..I do. I'm your best friend..I love you..And if I would have lost you..I would've...You have no idea,you really don't...'' I could tell ,Matt was trying to keep it together,but was failing by the sound of his voice. I could hear the tears in it,begging to stain his cheeks in a manner I'd seen them so many times before..I lightly smiled at him about to break down,because it let me know that someone would needed me if I would've done the job right,and finally bothered to off myself. I can't even do that right. Shows what I'm worth,now doesn't it?
"It was everything,Matt. I've told you of my past..It haunts me..I've told you of the trouble I face when I dare to give in to the deathly poison of staring myself in the mirror,and picking at what I despise,flaw by flaw,inch by inch,blemish by blemish...I've told you I can still see the herione coursing through my vains. I've told you,that I can still feel what it was like to lay on the bathroom floor,full of ecstasy of the cuts that decorated my legs,that were always covered by cliche Hot Topic merchandise...I've told you I can still hear her screaming for me,just to have her scream unanswered and silenced,as she was slowly crushed by metric tons of metal,piercing every single inch of skin,every vain that pumped blood through her,and the heart that I did not know what felt for..The heart that was like no one elses. I've told you I can see her looking at me in the mirror,not forgiving me for the sin I have done,the impulse and indulgance I have seen,and the life I took,the secret I've held deep inside,for only you to see..I've told you how I feel all life and love given to me is but something I should not indulge myself in,and just a dirty trick played on me by God..I've told you how every twist has left me choking,every morning is a day closer,and every night is when I come alive with the spirit that haunts my soul,awakens and coldens me...I've told you,Matt...I've told you at least a million times.."
As I finished my statement,I folded my hands and took my gaze away from the moon that so beautifully hypnotized me,and fixed my gaze upon the wonderful creature that sit beside me in awe. He was left speechless,and astonished by the words I so tenderly spoke,and did not do much but swallow,and looked at me with the eyes that always seemed to ache with sympathy. I took this as a signal to continue.
"I've told you how every single minute is unbearable to face,and every night just leaves me more ravoneous for the taste of my grave,the sweet smell of pine the I will be enclosed in whilst six feet underground,and the feeling of the worms eating my flesh off my bones..I've told you,that I must starve myself,because she needs me to..She needs me to maulnourish myself and become the filthy animal I was the day she shook hands with her fate..I've told you how the screams enrapture my art ,and paint them all over the audience that are all left blinded by what they think it just teen angst. I've told you how I wish I was but a souless existence of the dark,called disgusting,and hated by those who dare see day..I've told you all of this. And still you ask why. Still you question my motives. Still you wonder why I great the stage so hungrily,but as I've told you..It is..The only place I can...I can..Live..Still you bring me to a hospital instead of the morgue I want to be in so badly..Why won't you leave be,Mathew,and let me seal what I have been destined for since the day of my birth,the day I struck the world with the disgusting annoyance of my existance? Why won't you do God's will,and encourage me to destroy myself? Why do you continue to give me a reason to live..Why do you give me the love I pray is a lie,because I am so undeserving? Why? And you must answer me,Mathew,for I have answered your question adequetly and I expect the same decency to be done to me."
