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 Posted: Sat Jul 15, 2006 7:05 pm
anybody wanna post any jokes relevant to jazz? i got one:
When this musician dies, he goes to hell. No sooner does he arrive than the devil comes up to him and asks, "Hey, i see you're a musician! Wanna join Hell's Big Band?" when the guy said sure, the devil took him to this chamber where they could hear music. the guy went into the chamber, busted out his sax, and just joined in on the song. 'this isn't so bad,' he thought. so they played the chorus and took the repeat, played the chorus and took the repeat, played the chorus and took the repeat, played the chorus and took the repeat, played the chorus and took the repeat......
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Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 5:57 am
Hell is about two hours drive from my home. Seriously. They've got a bluesfestival called "Hell Blues Festival". Hehe, Bob Geldof played there...
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Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 6:02 am
A few band-related jokes...
How do you know a drummer is at your door? The knock gets faster.
Why don't sax players like Soprano? No place to hide the drugs.
How do you get two piccolo players in tune? Shoot one.
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Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 12:35 pm
My drummer told me this one:
Guy goes on a tropical vacation. When he gets off the bus from the airport, the first thing he notices about his tiny village home is a loud rumbling, like thunder.
He asks the bus driver what that sound was. The bus driver said, "Oh, that's the natives playing the drums. They say that if ever the drums should stop, something awful would happen."
Sure enough, he investigates and sees hundreds of people beating on these giant drums.
* * * *
One night he wakes up to an unsettling silence. When he rushes outside, he hears people screaming. There are bodies thrown into the gutters at the side of the road and children screaming.
Quickly, he grabs a boy and asks him what happened.
The kid says, "Sir, the drums, they have stopped." The guy tries to get the kid to stop crying long enough to ask him exactly what that meant would happen next.
Suddenly, a new rumbling starts from the west. The boy looks up to the guy in a flurry of tears and says:
"Bass solo!"
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Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 6:50 pm
DrkMerchant A few band-related jokes... How do you know a drummer is at your door? The knock gets faster. Why don't sax players like Soprano? No place to hide the drugs. How do you get two piccolo players in tune? Shoot one. lol i liked the piccolo one
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Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 6:53 pm
Ash Rail My drummer told me this one: Guy goes on a tropical vacation. When he gets off the bus from the airport, the first thing he notices about his tiny village home is a loud rumbling, like thunder. He asks the bus driver what that sound was. The bus driver said, "Oh, that's the natives playing the drums. They say that if ever the drums should stop, something awful would happen." Sure enough, he investigates and sees hundreds of people beating on these giant drums. * * * * One night he wakes up to an unsettling silence. When he rushes outside, he hears people screaming. There are bodies thrown into the gutters at the side of the road and children screaming. Quickly, he grabs a boy and asks him what happened. The kid says, "Sir, the drums, they have stopped." The guy tries to get the kid to stop crying long enough to ask him exactly what that meant would happen next. Suddenly, a new rumbling starts from the west. The boy looks up to the guy in a flurry of tears and says: "Bass solo!" that one is funny, too. i'll tell my band teacher it when i get back to school.
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Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 9:10 pm
You're walking by a playground. How can you tell which kid is the child of a trombone player?*** They can't use the slide and don't know how to swing
What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?*** With a drum machine, you only have to punch in the information once
How many trumpet players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?*** 3. One to screw in the lightbulb, one to find a fingering chart for it, and another to make as much noise as possible
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Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 6:15 pm
MagicKnightKenshin You're walking by a playground. How can you tell which kid is the child of a trombone player?*** They can't use the slide and don't know how to swing What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?*** With a drum machine, you only have to punch in the information once How many trumpet players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?*** 3. One to screw in the lightbulb, one to find a fingering chart for it, and another to make as much noise as possible lol i love the trombone one.
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Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 7:05 pm
There was that one story I posted somewhere else here about my director hearing me say "James Carter," thinking I was talking about the president.
I in turn heard him saying something about "the president" and thought he was talking about Lester Young. : /
It wasn't actually that funny, but only jazz people would get it.
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 11:43 am
Ash Rail There was that one story I posted somewhere else here about my director hearing me say "James Carter," thinking I was talking about the president. I in turn heard him saying something about "the president" and thought he was talking about Lester Young. : / It wasn't actually that funny, but only jazz people would get it. dude... i think you might have killed my thread. jk xd
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Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2006 2:44 am
Some Jazz Mathematics for you:
If a trumpet is counting into a 12/8 bar and the drummer is drumming at 240 b/m which is rapidly declining at a rate of 25b/m, will the saxophone miss its entry?
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Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2006 11:21 am
The_Winter_Wolf Some Jazz Mathematics for you: If a trumpet is counting into a 12/8 bar and the drummer is drumming at 240 b/m which is rapidly declining at a rate of 25b/m, will the saxophone miss its entry? um... i don't know... yes?
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Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2006 12:34 pm
saxes NEVER miss their entry!
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Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2006 9:03 pm
MagicKnightKenshin saxes NEVER miss their entry! oh! stressed uh... ha ha lol ... um smile ... yeah! represent saxophones!!! lol
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Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 9:03 pm
How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, but he'll break ten of them before he gets it JUUUUST right.
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