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((This is the log of the roleplay up until now. Colours and font sizes not saved. XD; ))

It was quiet. It was quiet and he was alone, that much he knew. That much he remembered. That was how it always was - quiet, and alone, punctured with moments of pain and uncertainty. He didn't remember them - he didn't remember anything, except who he was, what he was... no, he didn't even know that any longer. He didn't know where he was, when he was, what he was... he knew only that he was who he was. And he knew that there was something wrong, something he couldn't quite place, but something wrong with what he was, somehow. But with no memory to prove it, how could he be certain? Perhaps it was nothing. Perhaps it was only his imagination. Perhaps he wasn't even 'him' at all - perhaps he was just a dream, a floating little concept in an endless sleep of something greater.

The lonesome creature flattened his ears then, the sensation of doing so seeming odd to him, though he didn't know why. Vincent let out a soft whuff of air, an almost-sigh, and lifted himself onto his feet to pad away from the waterfall he'd woken next to. So this was his life? This was the beginning of something he had no true grasp on? He didn't know why he was there - couldn't remember how he'd gotten there, or why. All he knew was his name, and he knew that he'd woken with a thin layer of water covering his clothes and his fur - his fur? It rang a little bell in the back of his head, but he didn't understand.

He wasn't a complete blank - Vincent knew his name. He was Vincent Valentine. And he knew he'd done something important, one upon a time. Long ago, in a faraway place, when he was... different? Different. With people he didn't know any longer. People? Creatures. Something. He wasn't sure. And he knew the smell of gunpowder and the exhiliration of flight; he knew the terror of things hidden within, the fear of rejection and hatred. He knew heartache, and he knew pain. He knew the Lifestream and materia and - and something infecting them, something killing them. Something they'd defeated. They? He didn't know 'they.' He knew he'd known once, but no longer. He'd forgotten. Long since forgotten, like somethine precious buried at the bottom of the ocean.

Vincent shook his head, lifting his ears to listen to the sounds of the forest around him. He didn't know why he was here - but he knew that he needed to find somewhere to go. He was cold, and his stomach growled in protest of being so empty. He needed to find - shelter, food, people? People. He wasn't 'people' was he? People didn't have four legs and long ears and tails. So why couldn't he shake the inclination to think of himself as 'people?'

Either way, he set to following the small stream bubbling away from the pool that the waterfall caused. It had to go somewhere, at least, he hoped.

---

Ember rested once more by the stream, contemplating nothingness and eternity and himself. Water was a good conduit for thinking, perhaps because of it's tranquil habit of ever-flowing, and he found it helped him concentrate without other pesky thoughts and (more often) worries crying out for his attention.

He'd found that a little fear of its depths kept him alert, as well. He was very aware that if he fell in and could not stand, he would most likely drown. And so, the water was quietly dangerous, and useful, and he loved it as long as he kept it at a safe distance. He'd purposefully been making a habit of coming here when he wanted to think, but his last visit had proved that even here, he could be confronted by his worries, his fears- the worst of which being his anxiety of displeasing others.

As he thought this, his ears perked. For there, beneath the soft murmur and burble of the creek, came footfalls. Rather nearby, he supposed, heaving himself up into a slightly defensive pose with a sigh. If he was to encounter another, it was always best to be on your guard.

---

There was a sound - a little crack, a noise, something of the sort. It brought ears up almost instantly, a reflex more than anything, as their owner stopped in his tracks. Vincent's nose twitched unconsciously - these smells, the way he moved, it was all familiar, but wholly new. He couldn't understand why that would be so - if this was what he was, shouldn't he be accustomed to it by now? But he couldn't say that this was what he was, could he? He couldn't say anything right then, except sharp ears had caught the sound of something moving, and trained muscles had gone taut in readiness for whatever was to come.

Vincent's eyes caught sight of what it was soon enough, and they narrowed shortly after, staring at this new creature rather suspiciously. It - it looked like him, he supposed, didn't it? But it struck a nerve in him, something he wasn't supposed to feel familiar with - he wasn't supposed to look like that thing. He wasn't supposed to stand on all fours, wasn't supposed to have fur bristling and ears lifting at sounds. But these were things that were true about himself, weren't they?

Maybe he was crazy. Heh.

The cloaked kitsusagi turned then, peering down at the stream. It wasn't so deep, not to him. There was a rock... After a few moments of unconscious calculation, the creature lept nimbly, landing on a rather small stone in the center of the stream, then bounding again to the other side. There - they were on opposite sides now, no harm done, right? He continued along the sandy bank, lifting his head to cast a brief glance at the thing he had nearly encountered. He was... almost curious. Almost. But not enough. And soon enough his head drooped and his tails sagged again as he continued his blind trek to nowhere.

---

Ember flinched as the other examined him, ears flattening against the sides of his head. He could almost taste the scorn that he held for Ember already, and he hadn't even spoken one word! That wasn't really fair, Em thought sourly, watching as the cloaked one bounded across the water that he had just been pondering, and continuing on as if he hadn't even seen Ember.

He should be relieved, right? He had always grumbled and worried at confrontations with other kitsu, always blabbered like an idiot, always wished he'd not had to deal with his social skills- or lack thereof. But now, he found himself ruffled, because he'd been ignored. What was up with that?

Perhaps he wanted practice, to improve himself? But no, as of yet no amount of talking to other had helped him in the slightest in calming himself. It had to be something else, but what? He was a self-admitted nonconfrontationalist, and antisocial on top of that! So why was he so miffed?

As he considered this, the other kitsu was quickly moving away, and Ember made a decision. He followed the other, hopping across the stream and padding as silently as possible after him. Perhaps if he just talked to him and proved to himself that yes, he was still a blathering idiot, he'd be able to go back to staring at the stream in peace.

---

Vincent had hoped beyond hoping that the little creature he'd caught sight of would just leave him alone. Would that be so terrible, to be left alone? To be given what he wanted? Apparently, it would be - because quiet as the other may have been, Vincent had spent such a long time in silence and darkness (not that he remembered when, or why) that those slight movements in the brush caught his ears. Still, he tried to ignore them - tried to deny the fact that there was someone or something trailing on his heels, tried to pretend that someone wasn't stalking him for whatever reasons they may have come up with.

But the loner's nerves caught up with him sooner than he'd expected, forcing him to whirl around and plop himself on his haunches, crimson eyes staring at his follower. His face was mostly hidden behind the top of his cloak, his ears flattened and half buried under waves of ebon hair, but his gaze was still visible. Oddly, he didn't look angry or irritated or even really interested in the least. There was only a mild spark of recognition in his eyes, and a dull, bored sort of glazed effect resting over them. It was obvious that he wasn't interested in fighting - or much of anything, for that matter.

He'd stumbled across someone by accident. That did not mean that he had any interest in paying them any mind. There were more important things - like trying to figure out what he was, why he was, where he was... Trying to figure out why there was so much pain within him. He knew things, but not enough things - he knew he was alone, knew that was how it was suppoed to be. He knew he was a monster, though he didn't know why - it was simply a lingering recognition. He wasn't normal. He wasn't supposed to be. He knew all these things, but in truth, he knew nothing - and that was what he needed to combat.

Not whatever this thing was following him.

"What?" The fact that he could speak surprised him - but somehow, at the same time, it didn't. It was speech, but it wasn't speech. His mind told him it was speech - but it wasn't what he'd expected to hear. It held the same meaning, but it wasn't the same. Didn't feel the same. Felt wrong. Foreign. Left an odd taste on his tongue.

---

Ember hesitated as the other turned to sit back and stare at him. He would be scared, but the the kitsu's eyes held no malice, no contempt...nothing, really, at all. The red-cloaked kitsu he had been following seemed as though he was empty, his eyes blank and hollow, and Ember felt a twinge of sorrow, for something truly awful must have happened to make his eyes that way.

That was why he was bold enough to draw close, sitting in front of him, and experianced only the smallest bit of anxiety. Sympathy for this creature wiped out even his ever-constant worry that others wouldn't like him.

As he was questioned, Ember started. He had almost forgotten that the other was there, so wrapped up was he in being convinced that the other had been wronged, or..or hurt, or something. How ironic. "I..." Ember started, then paused. What could he say? That he had been bothered because the kitsu hadn't acknowledged him? No. What could he say? "I...nothing, I suppose. Just got the idea into my head to follow you, talk to you...and, well, acted on it. I'm Ember."

Well, he thought, maybe not the smoothest of cover-ups, but it was much better than he usually did. And he hadn't stuttered once!

---

"It isn't safe to follow things that you don't understand," came Vincent's slow, long-suffering reply after a few moments, followed by a shake of the head. What was it - a kid? Obviously not that bright. Or not too concerned about his own safety, something. Whatever it was, it might've stirred some sense of pity in the dark-clad creature's own long-dead heart. Might've, if he wasn't so dead and hollow inside. It was hard to feel pity when you yourself were nothing but a hollow shell.

Vincent let out a soft sigh, closing his eyes briefly and shifting, scratching absently at the ground with his gauntlet. The sharp edges of the metal-covered claw dug easily into the soft soil of the ground, making little ridges in the dirt. Funny, funny how easily something as stalwart as the earth could be broken apart with the right tools. Funny, in an odd kind of way. A way that reminded him of something he couldn't quite be reminded of yet.

"Valentine," he said after a few silent moments, opening his tired eyes again. "Call me Valentine."

---

"Valentine..." Ember repeated the name, nodding once as he filed it away for memorization. He made no comment to Valentine's warning about following things he didn't understand, but frowned slightly. He knew this; of course he knew this, he spent enough of each day worrying about what was safe and what wasn't that he couldn't have not known this...and yet he'd followed this strange, sad kitsu.

"I understand that all is misunderstood," he finally replied, watching the other dig his metalic claws into the dirt. "and that the only way to understand something is to know it. I care more for curiosity and understanding than safety, if I am to be honest with you."

This wasn't completely true, of course. He cared for his emotional and mental safety, if not for his physical safety quite as much as he should. However, he would let Valentine draw his own conclusions as to what he meant...

---

"You speak in pretty riddles, but you say nothing at all," Vincent murmured dully, soft, rather gruff voice muffled slightly behind the length of cloth from his cloak that covered his mouth. Vincent was more than capable of speaking poetry - his own mind had adapted to such things over time, allowing his words to flow eloquently, his thoughts to wriggle out like a stream of beauty and crystalline purity. But this was not something he wished - this was not something he sought, something he desired. He wanted only to be left alone, to not speak at all. He wished for the void, for the end of everything, but he knew, for some reason, he would never find it.

And these creatures - anyone who would dare approach him - why would they not leave him in peace? There were things he needed to do, though he knew not what they were; there were sins to atone for, sins he knew should've been gone but were just as present as the day they were formed. Sins he knew nothing about but could feel eating away at his heart anyway.

"But if that is how you are, then there is nothing that can be done - we set paths for ourselves and we follow them as we will. But let me tell you, 'Ember,' that my path is not one that you should seek to follow nor to understand; you cannot possibly comprehend something that has lost itself, nor should you want to delve into the pain of another's rotting heart. You would be wise to keep your concerns to yourself - seeking to attach yourself to another will only lead you to fall into ruin."

Closing his eyes, Vincent lifted himself up onto his feet again, turning to pad away from the one who had approached him. There was a twinge of sadness - there always was, when he turned others away. He didn't know how he knew, but it was familiar. However, it was his fate, his destiny - that which he created for himself when he first stepped into the inky void of sin.

---

Ember shook his head, sighing softly and falling into step beside the other. "Sometimes it is easiest to say little with many words, or much with few, or none at all." He wasn't trying to use 'pretty riddles', as Valentine put it. He was thrilled, after all, just for the fact that he wasn't stuttering like a fool! But perhaps no matter what he said, Valentine would find some fault with it. He didn't care. For one reason or another, he found that he wanted to know this forlorn and hopeless kitsu...perhaps it was that he felt much the same, a lot of the time.

"I would rather fall to ruin than to be alone.." he murmured, watching the ground as he walked beside the other. "I have long since lost my path, and though I may not ever truly understand the heart of another, I am no stranger to pain. Whether or not I 'should' follow your path, it is more interesting than having no path at all, just remaining the same, always the same..."

At his own words, he winced, scolding himself for opening even that much to a stranger. But somehow...he didn't think Valentine would tell anybody what he said. And if he did, well...it wouldn't be the first time, or the last, that he was scorned.

---

"Then your desires are much different than mine. I desire nothing more than to be alone. I have seen enough to know that the company of others leads to nothing but ruin. Friends are nothing more than a farce, a beautiful word to hide the fact that everyone wants to use you for something. And when they're done with you, they leave you to your own devices, leave you to melt in your own personal hell."

Vincent's ears flattened then, and he turned on the one following him with a low growl, teeth bared - but there still wasn't any feeling behind it. It was a reflexive move, a natural progression of sadness to anger - anger that he didn't really feel. Anger that he only told himself to feel. And soon enough the snarl disappeared back into numb nothingness, and the dark-haired kitsu sighed, shaking his head and speeding up, leaping a few yards away before settling into a slow lope again.

"Your want of contact is noble, but naive," he murmured, more to himself than to Ember, really. "It will only serve to rip you apart in the end."

---

Ember winced as Valentine growled, ducking his head in a subconcious act of submission. He didn't want to fight. But with the same quickness as Valentine's apparent anger had come, it went, and the other sped up, leaving Ember with no choice but to speed up as well.

"I am not offering to be your friend." Ember replied honestly, "though I would be that if you wished it." He could offer that, at least, for friendship was what one made of it. As far as his definition...well, he had maybe, maybe one friend. And even that was up for debate..

" You say this as if it doesn't already harm me, hasn't already harmed me." he accused softly, "I understand what I do to myself, and still I would not change to stop it. Allow me the false comfort of your company, and I will say nothing, that you may be alone. Allow me to walk with you, and I will not be there, but for in physical matter."

---

Vincent stopped then, turning to peer at the one following him quizzically, brows coming together under the band that hid them in serious confusion and contemplation. It was completely unheard of to him that someone could crave another's presence so badly, that they would harm themselves and offer to be nothing if only to be near another. It disgusted some part of him, made him want to scream and scratch and bite and tell this thing no, no, not to do this, not to be like that, not to offer to be nothing. He should never give up himself, never, ever lose who he was for another...!

In that moment, the dark-clad creature's ears drooped, and a glimmer of recognition sparked in the otherwise dead eyes. He didn't know why, but it lit something inside of him. A little flicker of pity - but that alone was more than he'd felt before. More than he could remember truly feeling in a long time. Before now, there was only pain, only sorrow, only hatred - even when he wanted happiness. Even when there were others who might've offered him happiness, he knew only pain. He could... feel it.

Valentine lowered his head then, and turned silently to the stream, bending down and pressing his muzzle into the water, slurping up some of the chilly liquid. After, he lifted his head, hiding his face behind his cloak again. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling of sorrow for the poor creature following him, and he snorted to himself as he licked the lingering droplets of water from his mouth.

"If you are to come with me, then you will be here. I will not have an empty shell sharing my space. But I warn you, it is your decision - I will take no blame for how I may harm you, however indirectly. You do not play with broken glass without being cut open." And with that he turned away again, continuing on his path of following the stream absently.

---


Ember nodded grimly, a sad smile creeping across his face. He understood this, that it would hurt, but he hoped it would be worth it, if he could manage to ease but a fraction of Valentine's pain. For that was what he could do- he'd long since forgotten who he was, and he was far too tired to care. He lived to please, and that meant living in pain. He would not have it any other way, could not have it any other way. He knew nothing else.

"I thank you." he murmured, falling once more into step beside and slightly behind Valentine. "For allowing me to exist with you." He nodded, and fell silent. Even if he was to exist, Valentine had professed a wish for solitude...and silence was the next best thing. He could give Valentine silence.

---

"You should not thank me for the gift of pain," Vincent murmured softly, shaking his head. He paused when Ember took up step behind him, turning to glance at the pathetic creature slowly. There it was, that spark of pity again - an emotion for someone else, something other than anger and hatred towards his own disgusting being. Perhaps - perhaps there was a reason for this. He knew he had sinned - he was sin - but perhaps there was something to all of this. He'd never tried to be forgiven - his punishment was far from over. But there was no reason to make someone else suffer on account of his own actions and hurt.

He remembered something like this before - something long ago removed. Doing that something important - he had been selfish then, done part of it in an attempt to rid himself of his sin. That was why he was still bonded. But there was something else, too - wanting to help, wanting to free another from pain. He wasn't cruel - he was simply broken. But even broken toys wanted to please their masters; it was simply a matter of being able to do anything but lay shattered on the floor.

Slowly, he stepped backwards, positioning himself beside Ember instead of in front of him. He reached over and grabbed at the other's shirt with his teeth, pulling the creature as he began to walk again. Soon he released his grip, but he hoped his message was clear enough. He didn't know how to express it in words - but he didn't want to walk in front of him. If he was to travel with someone else, he would do so beside them. He did not deserve to lead.

---

Ember shrugged, beginning to say something, then yelped in surprise as Valentine grabbed hold of his shirt and yanked him forward. He hesitated as the other started walking again, and again fell in step slightly behind him. It was reflexive, and he truly didn't know why Valentine had grabbed him.

"I thank you for the pain, if that is what comes with the company, whether I should or not." he replied apologetically, "There are worse things, and all such things are better and more easily carried when you ...when you have the company of another." He winced at his stumble of speech. He had been about to say something else, but it would suggest that he was somebody, anybody, and that he was not.

It was then that Ember realized he'd already failed at keeping silent, and sneered silently at himself. Even something so simple he could not do. He lived for others, and he did not even succeed at that. Pathetic.

---

"Quit it," Vincent snapped, his ears flattening against his head as he stopped again, then stepped back to stand beside the other creature. "I said I would not have an empty shell walk with me, but I will not have someone who values himself so lowly as that. There is pain, there is sin, but there is no reason to become such a glutton for the punishment of others. If you were so worthless, you would not desire the company of others at all. When you become nothing, you desire to be nothing with no one - so you are obviously not nothing."

The creature in the red cloak huffed, then grabbed at Ember's shirt again, pulling him up again and growling through the clentched teeth. "Stop thanking me for pain and anger," he hissed through his teeth, "And walk beside me if you are going to walk with me at all. I am not worthy to lead you. I am not worthy to lead anyone."

---

Ember again winced as Valentine snapped at him and fell back again. For one crazed moment, Ember thought that perhaps the crimson-cloaked kitsu would attack him, and he tried to make himself as small as possible, closing his eyes as he braced himself. But no attack came, and after a moment or two, he opened his eyes, Valentine's words finally reaching him.

"He who is nothing to himself is eager to cling to anything solid," he replied sheepishly, falling into careful step beside him. He was not nothing- even he could not manage that, nobody could- but he was as close to it as he could manage. It was easier to be unobtrusive that way, easier to please others when you had no opinions of your own. "I will walk beside you, but only because you wish it. I do not lead, because I do not know where you are going."

---

"I do not wish you to lead," Vincent said slowly, "But I cannot be said to be leading myself. You say you do not know where I am going - but in all truth, I do not know where I am going. I do not know where I am, what I am... I know nothing. I know only my name, and that is... shaky at best, I'm certain."

Vincent sighed then, letting his ears droop and the momentary surge of anger boil back down to nothingness inside of him, leaving a blank shell again. There was danger there, danger in being upset, danger in being upset, danger in letting his emotions get the best of him. Danger in having emotion. There was something wrong, something unright there - he was empty. The emotions were not meant for him; he was not a creature of feeling, but a creature of cold, heartless logic. But those flares, thoe moments - they would get the best of him one day. He knew it, somehow, and it made that much more reason for him to control them.

"...do as you wish," he murmured after a moment, turning his eyes forward and continuing on his way, blank and cold again.

---

"Where you are is here." Ember informed Valentine softly, his tails swishing uncertainly as he searched for an answer. "And what you are...I think is what you make yourself, and what others make of you." It had been a long time since Ember had seriously thought about who and what he was, and he automatically turned his thoughts elsewhere. It wasn't worth it to go in ragged circles around one's brain and be as empty as before when you finished.

As Valentine's eyes went dark and dull once more, Ember realized that there had been at least something of a spark in them, and unable to help himself, he gently nuzzled the other kitsu. It was only after he'd already done this that it occured to him that if Valentine wished for silence and lonliness, he probably would not welcome touch either. With a wince and a mumbled apology, he let his eyes drift, embaressed, to watch his paws as he padded- now a step or two further away- beside the other.

---

Vincent froze at the touch, stiffening a bit, fur bristling unconsciously. Thankfully most of it was hidden under his clothing, so it wasn't a visible 'poof,' but the effect was there nonetheless. Touch - he wasn't touched often, was he? He knew he wasn't. He didn't want to be. He could remember that much - others didn't feel comfortable enough around him to touch him, and that was what he wanted, even if it made him somewhat... more sorrowful inside. Actually finding himself recieving contact, though, left Valentine rather dumbfounded - he didn't know how to react, didn't know what he was supposed to say, or do. It left an odd little warmth inside of him - which he quickly shrugged off, settling himself back into the numbness inside of him.

Ears that had lifted for a brief moment settled limply again, and he turned his eyes away from Ember and back in front of him. He didn't snap this time though - he just didn't say anything, and kept walking. He said nothing because he didn't know what to say - there was nothing to say as far as he could tell. It was something that the other regretted - wasn't that why he was acting like he was? An accident. Something never meant to be. So it wasn't an action that he would dwell on, something he would allow himself to even think about. It was gone, a fragment of the past, one more thing that he didn't want to think about.

"...where does this stream go?" he asked dully after a few minutes, settling into a sitting position and turning his head to peer at the water bubbling nearby, tails wrapping around themselves absently. "I know not where we are in... many ways. Particularly locale or location."

---


Ember hunched his shoulders as Valentine stiffened. He'd offended him. Great. Idiot; idot! Now he probably would hate Ember even more, or worse, pity him in his pathetic needy-ness. With a mournful sigh, Ember prepared to be dismissed. Why was it so inevitable that he messed things up every time he met somebody?

But the dismissal didn't come, and Ember's heart did a curious twist in his chest. Hope? That wasn't good, only fools got their hopes up enough to risk having them broken, and he instantly tried to smother his response. So focus was he on doing this, that he didn't watch where he was walking, and ended up tripping over his own feet. He squeaked in alarm, quickly rebalancing himself, and glanced up at Valentine. Now, of course, he'd proved he was uncoordinated too.

"Uhm, the s-stream?" He asked, hoping to cover up his stumble by answering the other's question. "I haven't followed so much of it, actually..where you first saw me is pretty much where I've been."

---

"Hm."

Vincent stared at the stream, not paying any attention to Ember for what seemed like the longest time. For a bit, the water swallowed up his thoughts, enveloping him and washing them away and leaving him blank and empty as he'd ever been. It was hypnotic, the gurgle and burble of the stream, the splash of liquid over the bank, the occasional little fish or floating bit of rock or debris... Something one could watch forever - stare and gaze at, wonder at, dream of and lose oneself in. That... that was...

The creature shook his head suddenly, backing away from the stream as though burned; he nearly tripped on his cloak, but he stumbled and regained himself almost gracefully, nostrils flaring and chest heaving at the sudden fright. He wasn't sure what scared him - if it was how easily he'd fallen under the hypnotic sway of the water, or now much he wanted to just lie down and keep it that way. Soon his eyes averted from the flow, ears flattening tightly against the sides of his head.

Ember certainly must think him crazy now. Heh. Maybe he was.

"Perhaps we shouldn't follow it then. If nothing else, water leads to.. inevitably, to people. To creatures I do not wish to associate with," he said, voice almost a growl from his still present fear. "Perhaps it is best if I do not go anywhere at all." And he pounced away a few feet, only to land himself between two roots of a rather large tree. He plopped down there, burying his nose under his tails and curling up into a rather tight ball.

He didn't know why he'd suddenly been so afraid - but those thoughts scared him, almost painfully so.

---

Ember blinked anxiously as Valentine stumbled back from the water, growling something about people and staying here and dashing to curl himself into the roots of a tree. He looked scared, but...of what? Surely not something Ember had done...?

Trailing after the now tightly-curled kitsu before him, Ember again felt a pang of sympathy. At this moment, he wanted nothing more than to make Valentine smile- that would be his goal, for now, he decided. However, he also wanted to offer comfort to soothe whatever had distressed him, and he had no idea of how to do this. He only knew what made him feel better, which was the presence of another.

Swaying indecisively from side to side, Ember nodded and sat next to Valentine, again snuggling against him in what he hoped was a comforting manner. After all, he argued silently, if Val didn't like it, he'd say something, and Ember would know for the future not to touch him. He couldn't blame Ember for trying to help, right?

---

Valentine stiffened, and Ember almost pulled away, anxious to please and not to offend- but then the other shivered in apparent terror and he found that he really didn't want to. And so, hoping that Valentine would forgive him, Ember curcled more tightly around him, murmuring soothing words, both to calm the terrified creature he was curled around, and to quiet his own anxieties about Valentine not wanting to be touched, which lingered still, crouched in wait for him. The moment he let them, these anxieties would leap at him and tear him apart, he knew, and he would break down again. He only hoped it would not be in front of Valentine.

"What's wrong?" He asked cautiously, not wanting to tread into forbidden territory when he'd finally come to be on at least semi-decent terms with Valentine. However, he reasoned, if he didn't know he couldn't help. And oh, but he wanted to help. He would make Valentine smile for him if it killed him.

Something he couldn't remember...Ember had moments like that too, where he felt he should remember something, but didn't. It was annoying, yes, but he'd never become so scared by something he couldn't remember. He wondered what Valentine had forgotten...

"If you don't remember what you're afraid of, then you have nothing to be afraid of at all..." Ember crooned, gently nuzzling the other in hopes that he'd stop shaking. "I don't remember things I should too, but you can't let it distress you...it's just a part of life. Nothing to worry about, Valentine..."

Ember felt unhappily helpless against Valentine's fears, and that too sparked recognition in him of something that had happened long ago. And suddenly he growled, biting into his own flesh. He was furious with himself, though he barely knew why, and he had to take it out. Had to make the hate stop.

Ember snarled in distress, looking at the mess he'd made, and how he'd upset Valentine, and emitted a high-pitched whimpering sound. He couldn't help it, he'd messed up everything, even more than he usually did. Now he had hurt himself, non-remembered something, and upset Valentine. He was good for nothing but trouble and sorrow, apparently. Worthless to anybody.

Slumping, his ears drooped, and he whimpered again, this time the sound loaded with grief and regret. He was a fool, a fool, a fool...from somewhere in his mind, a voice whispered 'idiot', and he recoiled, wanting to remember and not wanting to at the same time. He found himself wanting to cry out for somebody, but he didn't know who, never knew who.

He had to get a grip. He was nothing. Valentine was more important. And so.."I'm sorry..." he whined softly, belly-crawling until he lay at the other's feet. "I d-didn't mean...to distress you." A wave of exaustion crashed over Ember, and he suddenly felt very old. "Forgive me."

As Valentine lapped at the blood, Ember froze, his eyes going wide in fear. His mind cleared, and he too whined, terrified. It was all he could do not to simply bolt- but he would not upset Valentine farther, and if this was what he wanted...But no. NO. He couldn't, he couldn't...! He'd make himself hurt himself again if he let himself remember things.

"V-Val..." he pleaded in a choked whisper, "S-s...stop, please...Y-you'll...you'll make me lose it again, a-and...that...I..." he trailed off, whimpering and curling in around himself.

He needed to hurt still, but it was controlable now. He'd failed in everything he'd wanted to accomplish. Valentine probably hated him now that he saw what a weakling Ember was, tearing into his own flesh in self-anger. He'd never make Valentine smile. He couldn't even help the other to stop shaking, no- he'd gone and made it worse, not better. He was a fool. A fool.

Him...pain...what? What was Valentine talking about? It was Ember that brought pain and destruction wherever he went, not him..As Ember started to say so, however, Valentine turned away, and Ember stifled a cry of dismay. why, why? Every time he found somebody he liked, wanted to help, or something of that nature...he made things worse, always worse. Why?

Barely bothering to pick himself up, Ember dragged himself over to Valentine, tentatively nudging his shoulder, and then leaning against him, though he was still facing away, on his side from Ember."I apologize..." Ember murmured, his voice shaking, "Please, please...Valentine, forgive me. I didn't mean to upset you. It was but a fault of my own, and if I have pained you, please feel free to inflict that pain onto me. I'll bear it gladly, if you'd forgive me..."

Ember recoiled at such a voice, such emptiness, such loss that is seemed to leech away from him as well...and then bopped Valentine sharply over the head. "You are not nothing." he hissed, "If I cannot be nothing, then neither can you. So you have sinned; who has not sinned? You say you cannot remember yourself- so what was this sin that you continually punish yourself over? You don't know, do you? You are needlessly punishing yourself. And you are not forgotten, for I have not forgotten you, nor are you unwanted, for the sole thing I've wanted since I met you earlier was to make you smile. I would be your companion, friend, and therefore you are not unwanted. I refuse to believe that you are destroyed. Damaged, perhaps, but I too am damaged. You're damaging yourself now! So please, Valentine...Get up. Forgive me, because I hurt you. And live."

"Make your life worth living..." Ember pleaded, ears drooping in sympathy and sorrow for the kitsu before him. "Please, Valentine, I beg you- if not for yourself, than for me. You stopped me once before, when I would have harmed myself further. Somewhere, deep within your downward spiral of self-pity and pain, you found a small piece of sympathy for me. So for my sake, please, please...don't give up. All sins can be forgiven, all life renewed..by those who you care for, and care for you. Love heals, even if it's just platonic love. Valentine, get up. Please?"