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*sighs and cries quietly* i wish i could right now

yeah ive thought that for i dont know how long. Feeling sad useless and all that. I use to depend on my 'drug' and it helped a bit. But now its getting a bit better now. I am off my 'drug' i still get really depressed and feel that way buts thats only when i blow up. THen after i feel better.

Yah I've had those fits of depression. But the way I see it, I'm not given the world the satisfaction of improving by me not being around. Never thought I'd be better off dead though. Dead to the world, yeah but not actually dead.

Not so much anymore, but last year and a couple years before that, I thought about ending it a lot. I was too much of a wuss, though, so I just cried most of the time I was alone.

Now my moods change so much that I tend to forget about what was making me sad in the first place. And sometimes I just get really numb and I don't care.

No. Never went across my head. My depression was the kind that just made me close upon myself, and lose contact with the world.
Later, when I got better, I read some articles about it, and wondered why people do it.

I just ask: Please, dont try it. You are not ending your pain, you are causing pain in everyone that knew you... sad

If you need to talk, I'm here around twice a day.

very much so. stare Have some consideration please.

thank you all ive just had a real hard few weeks and to my friends heres the explaination since i have been very closed about the recent events that have happened, i apologize.

PART 1 (bad): i broke up with my bf after a huge fight, where i stayed an hour after my curfu with him so i could resolve the fight but he spen the time talking to some 34 year old chick with two kids the rest of the time i was there then got pissed off at me for beign mad at him. so we started fighting again he told me to shutup and ******** off and i said if ******** you too i dont desirve this. but i was still upset i did love him.

PART 1 (good): the after i brok up with him my girl friend, collette, introduced me to her friend Bob aka Fox, he treats me like an absolute princess and i am so thankfull to have him. Not to mention, if he hurts me collettes fiance, who is a very big, muscular, guy and who treats me like just like he treats his soon to be wife, collette herself threatened him adn so did a friend of mine, vince aka shyguy2, thank you hunny!

PART 2 (bad): got to see Bob for two days straigh he helpped me buy my prom dress, hes goign with me. not the bad part had a wonderful time holding him and him holding me every once and a while kissign my hand gentaly, but apearantly my mom thought it was inapropriate, which it wasnt, it was inocent afection, but later me and her got into a fight and she called me a whore. Cried hysterically.

PART 3 (bad): a friend of mine died from dificultys during sergery. she had cancer adn hadnt been in school for a few month when all of a suden i found out she passed away due to complications during sergery. crying

PART 4 (bad): another friend of mine, to remain respectful no names given. was locked away in an institution because of brign a shot gun to school. he was one of those real quite out spok3en guys, very nice and funny, but kids gave him a hard time and look what happens. kids are just down right cruel and i hate seeing them treat people that badly that they think the only way to feel better is to kill them off. they treat me like that a school too, thats why i took it so hard. needless to say my friend was expeld. *sigh*

lifes just gone to hell

Wow. it sure took downhill, Bebe. I'm so sorry for so much bad things to happen to one person sad

And my feelings for you friend that passed away, and your friend that had problems with the law.