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 Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 6:20 pm
We took the baby in for her two week check up yesterday and she's doing GREAT! She's grown 2 1/2 inches and put on PLENTY of weight. She was born at 8 lbs 12 ozs, went down to 8lbs 4 ozs before we came home (the dr assured me that was perfectly normal) and at her two week check up... she was up to 9 lbs, 9 ozs! They say that the baby's doing well to get back up to his/her birthweight by the two week check up... So she's doing really well!
Anyway we see a family practiconer (not a peditrician--so the dr. sees us all, not just the kids) I got put on some anti-depressants. I've got post partum depression. I've been on and off anti-depresants since 9th grade, though this is the first time in over 4 years that I've been on them. The doctor told me that post-partum depression is different from depression, but it's still a struggle.
Anyone else delt with depression and parenting? Be it post-partum or otherwise.
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Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 9:30 am
After my first daughter, I had the "baby blues" (er whatever you wanna call 'em) for a little while, but they went away within a month or so.
After my second daughter was born, I felt pretty good at first. And then by the time she was 2 months old, I needed to be on antidepressants. All I would do is get up, make sure the kids were fed and .... that's it. I would sleep all day. I was always tired. Nothing that wasn't absolutely imperative was done. After I was placed on Prozac things changed. At first I was able to go back to my normal lifestyle, but I didn't feel anything. I wasn't sad usually and when I was I was completely unable to cry, and I wasn't happy either. I just.... sort of existed and did what was expected of me. Then my doctor increased my doseage and I was actually able to feel again.
It was then that I realized that part of the reason why I was so depressed was the relationship that I was in. Before, I would cling on to the idea of getting married and I would beg him to spend more time with me. He was one of those guys who wanted me to take care of the kids, do all the housework, do all of the cooking and hold down a job as well. He just wanted to be able to enjoy the finer parts of having a significant other and a family without doing much of the work. After I was able to function decently I started being more concerned with what made me happy rather than what made him happy. We ended up breaking up because he was really too concerned with himself to give a damn about my feelings. (in fact, at the lowest point of my depression - when I had run out of pills and had no way to refill them, thereby having to stop cold turkey - I had a massive migrain and I was suicidal. His response was to take the kids somewhere and leave me alone until I was done "throwing my tantrum" as he called it.)
Now, I'm in a relationship with a truly wonderful man and I couldn't be happier with him. I have three beautiful daughters and my baby is very healthy and not very demanding. I have no real reason to be depressed and yet I'm still having trouble being happy. When I do feel better it never lasts very long and I'm usually in a fairly bad mood (although I'm calm and I make sure to smile a lot so noone thinks I'm mad at them). I really hope that Post Partum Depression isn't sneaking up on me again... confused
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Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 3:13 pm
I've been fighting with depression since I was 11 or so. I was so happy about Chelsea, that I didn't have post-partum then. After Nicol, I was a wreak (sp?). I gave her to her family the day after she was born, and I still haven't completely got over it in 7 years. After I left Nicol's father, I started getting worse and worse, and lost Chelsea to my mother around the same time. I ended up together with the guy that showed me what Nicol's father was doing to me, and I got pregnant with Ceightlynn. I was still getting worse, and I was on a really high dose of anti-depressants that I was assured wouldn't effect her. After she was born, I might as well have been a 6 year old child. I did what I needed to do to take care of her, and that was it. I was really hard on her father. I put him through hoops like you wouldn't believe to either make him leave, or make him stay, whatever my mood was, and that changed, literally, every 5 minutes or so. I was extremely unstable, and no medication that my doctor put me on was working. After about 2 years or so of that, I got pregnant with Brianna, and I convinced myself that I would be better once she was born, and that it was all hormones. I acknowledged where I was, but at the same time, I didn't try to get better. I was suicidal, and I tried to hurt her and myself a number of times. I was hospitalized for a lot of the pregnancy because my body was breaking down from the stress of my emotions and the pregnancy together, so nothing bad happened. After about 7 months, I finally started eating again (I had lost over 40 pounds in 3 months from throwing up all day) so I started getting more healthy, and that's when I started convincing myself that I would be better when she was born. Emotionally, I hated her. With everything in me, I hated her. I had to be induced, but the second I saw her, that all changed. I could physically feel the change in me as I looked at her, and fed her the first time. She was a very small and frail baby (she still is, at 2) so I had to be extra careful with her, and from the very start, she was *my* baby. It took my body a long time to get over the pregnancy and birth, and in that time, I pulled myself out of my depression. It was hard, but I knew that I had to change. I couldn't blame it on anyone else, and no one could help me.
I kept making changes, and growing up more and more as she grew too, and when she was about a year, I realized that the only reason I was with her father is because I was. I didn't love him, and I'm still not sure that I ever did. He saved my life (literally) and I think it was because of that that I was with him. I took the girls and left, and he still hasnt' got over it. That was about a year ago, and it's been the first time that I haven't needed to be on medication for *years*. I had a job that I loved, I was supporting the girls myself, and I have a boyfriend that I know I love, and that he loves me too.
They ended up screwing me at work, putting me on a night shift that I couldn't do, and they knew it, and I started getting depressed again. I'm back on medication for it, but I couldn't stop the panic attacks every time I had to go to work. Not because of the job itself, but because of the hours they were making me work. I saw the kids for about an hour, each morning, while we were getting ready to leave for daycare, and I didn't see them again until the next morning when I woke them to get ready to go. I tried getting a different shift, for 3 weeks, I tried, but no one would switch. I was getting worse and worse until my doctor said that he was going to give them a note telling them that they had to, by his word, change my shift. I ended up quitting the job because I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm still a wreak, but that's just more how am I going to pay the bills and take care of the kids stress then anything else. I've been looking for work, but I haven't heard anything back yet. It's been hard not going back to the way that I used to be, but Harley's there, helping me and keeping me strong. smile
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Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 7:09 pm
It really looks like you've gone through a lot.
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Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 5:30 pm
I guess. smile I look at it this way. Some people have it better, a lot of people have it worse, and it's all made me who I am today. smile
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Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 2:49 pm
Hiya -
I was never diagnosed with post-partum depression because we couldnt afford to keep me insured after the babalicious one was born. I had an increasingly difficult time handling normal events after her birth. Finally, when she was about 18 months old I found myself repeatedly bangin my head on a door as hard as I possibly could I finally realized, whoa, this has gotten out of hand.
I did as much as I could with online communities and changed a lot of things in my life. I stopped breastfeeding so that my hormones would get back to normal (I had hoped to breastfeed til age 2, but the cost became too great). I also stopped the family bed after the babalicious one got used to not being breastfed (maybe 3 months went by I think). The family bed wasn't causing any problems [and I did a great deal of research (even turned it into a research project for my college degree) so that we would all be safe], the problem was that I am a light sleeper and my lil one did not sleep thru the night til she was almost 4 years old.
My hormones have never returned to pre-pregnancy status, but I feel really good, really healthy these days. I am just so grateful that a disaster did not happen because, frankly, there was a whole lotta potential for nightmare scenes.
Its really good you're taking the meds, sanity is hell to lose. You obviously have been keeping yourself honest enough with yourself to talk with the doc about it. Thats really, really wise.
Good luck heart
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Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 10:00 am
I think I'm definitely having a depression problem now. Whenever my Creepy's not home it's quite a big struggle to force myself to do anything that isn't necessary. The housework is seriously suffering. I want to get on my roommate (the uncle) to help, but I'm not sure how well that will go.
It really feels like much of my life has been taken away from me. I miss being able to go out and do something. Anything! I even miss having my job.
Maybe it would be better if any of my friends had children, too...
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Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 6:41 pm
kasumi_ocada: Have you talked to your doctor about getting on meds? I'm dealing with things a LOT better now that I'm on the meds. The low dose has been working fine and I've been able to take care of my two girls. Don't get me wrong, it's not like the meds just made having a baby magically easy or anything, but I'm dealing with things.
As far as the roommate/uncle thing goes, what harm is there in at least asking?
I know what you mean about it being easier if your friends had kids. I haven't talked much to my best friend since I had my daughter, but at the same time I've made new friends that have kids--not that I get to see them all the time, but... I've also made some friends here on Gaia and that helps me to have people here to talk to too.
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Posted: Mon May 29, 2006 8:21 am
Yes. It is nice to have other parents to talk to online. I guess I just wish I could take my friends and fast-forward their lives a little until they have children, too. Sometimes I think that they look down on me a little because my clothes and hair don't always look as good as theirs and my house is always a mess (not that their's is perfect, but it's like they expect me to somehow be superwoman all of a sudden...). And my best friend has been trying to have a child of her own for almost a year now. She really wants to have a baby and it's almost as if I can feel the jealousy emminating from her when she's around.
I just wish she would realize how jealous I am of her freedom.
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Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 10:24 am
kasumi_ocada Yes. It is nice to have other parents to talk to online. I guess I just wish I could take my friends and fast-forward their lives a little until they have children, too. Sometimes I think that they look down on me a little because my clothes and hair don't always look as good as theirs and my house is always a mess (not that their's is perfect, but it's like they expect me to somehow be superwoman all of a sudden...). And my best friend has been trying to have a child of her own for almost a year now. She really wants to have a baby and it's almost as if I can feel the jealousy emminating from her when she's around. I just wish she would realize how jealous I am of her freedom.Can I be honest with you. My Hubby and I have been trying for two years! its hard not to be jealous of people who get pregnant at the drop of a hat. Talk with your friend and tell her that you are sorry she is having a hard time getting pregnant and that you are there for her. Explain to her that you can understand that she may be jealous and you are on her side! You hope the best of her! Its hard not to be jealous, I know, I've been in her shoes for a year longer. I wish you luck with your friend, just please try and remember that she is hurting A LOT!!! She may feel like a failure (like I do), she may hate the world, there are many things she might be feeling. The best thing to do is try and talk with her but never accuse or say anything about her being anything negative. (failure, etc.) Good luck and Ihope you and your friend can work together and give EACH OTHER the support you BOTH need!! smile
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Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 11:02 am
I have tried to talk with her about this a few times, but she always acts like it's really not a problem even though we both know that it is.
I don't think that she feels like she's a failure. It's just that she's impatient (she says so herself). I explained to her that it took me years of unprotected sex (of course this was utter stupidity on my part because I didn't want to have kids at that time! xd ) for me to become pregnant with Torri (my oldest).
Her grandmother died of Ovarian cancer. Her mother then had some issues with her ovaries and had to have them removed. I think she's really worried that she's going to develope a problem like that, too. I guess that's the main reason why she's hurrying into having babies.
She hasn't been with the would-be father for very long, though, so it's probably for the best that she hasn't had a baby yet....
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Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 1:34 pm
kasumi_ocada I have tried to talk with her about this a few times, but she always acts like it's really not a problem even though we both know that it is. I don't think that she feels like she's a failure. It's just that she's impatient (she says so herself). I explained to her that it took me years of unprotected sex (of course this was utter stupidity on my part because I didn't want to have kids at that time! xd ) for me to become pregnant with Torri (my oldest). Her grandmother died of Ovarian cancer. Her mother then had some issues with her ovaries and had to have them removed. I think she's really worried that she's going to develope a problem like that, too. I guess that's the main reason why she's hurrying into having babies. She hasn't been with the would-be father for very long, though, so it's probably for the best that she hasn't had a baby yet.... a lot of times people ask me if I'm ok, its easier to say that I am fine then to admit that I am dying inside! But again thats just me! I hope the best for you and your friend!! Good luck!
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Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 9:33 pm
Destiny05 kasumi_ocada I have tried to talk with her about this a few times, but she always acts like it's really not a problem even though we both know that it is. I don't think that she feels like she's a failure. It's just that she's impatient (she says so herself). I explained to her that it took me years of unprotected sex (of course this was utter stupidity on my part because I didn't want to have kids at that time! xd ) for me to become pregnant with Torri (my oldest). Her grandmother died of Ovarian cancer. Her mother then had some issues with her ovaries and had to have them removed. I think she's really worried that she's going to develope a problem like that, too. I guess that's the main reason why she's hurrying into having babies. She hasn't been with the would-be father for very long, though, so it's probably for the best that she hasn't had a baby yet.... a lot of times people ask me if I'm ok, its easier to say that I am fine then to admit that I am dying inside! But again thats just me! I hope the best for you and your friend!! Good luck! Oh, I know she's faking it! I've been friends with her for over 10 years, now. I always know when something's bugging her. I think she feels kinda embarrassed and also kind of guilty for feeling jealous of me. I wish there was some way that I could just magically make her (and you!) pregnant! She would be such a good mother. She's always so wonderful with my daughters. I feel so helpless... sweatdrop
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Posted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 8:51 am
kasumi_ocada Destiny05 kasumi_ocada I have tried to talk with her about this a few times, but she always acts like it's really not a problem even though we both know that it is. I don't think that she feels like she's a failure. It's just that she's impatient (she says so herself). I explained to her that it took me years of unprotected sex (of course this was utter stupidity on my part because I didn't want to have kids at that time! xd ) for me to become pregnant with Torri (my oldest). Her grandmother died of Ovarian cancer. Her mother then had some issues with her ovaries and had to have them removed. I think she's really worried that she's going to develope a problem like that, too. I guess that's the main reason why she's hurrying into having babies. She hasn't been with the would-be father for very long, though, so it's probably for the best that she hasn't had a baby yet.... a lot of times people ask me if I'm ok, its easier to say that I am fine then to admit that I am dying inside! But again thats just me! I hope the best for you and your friend!! Good luck! Oh, I know she's faking it! I've been friends with her for over 10 years, now. I always know when something's bugging her. I think she feels kinda embarrassed and also kind of guilty for feeling jealous of me. I wish there was some way that I could just magically make her (and you!) pregnant! She would be such a good mother. She's always so wonderful with my daughters. I feel so helpless... sweatdrop Its hard not to feel jealous...you shoudl just let her know that if you were in her position you would feel the same and know another person who IS in her position and I do feel jealous of pregnant women and women who can have babies at the drop of a hat. (I come to this guild because it helps me to deal with my jealousy, I'm not jealous of any of you, I'm just HAPPY for y'all!!! smile ) Its natural to be jealous really, I know a lot of ladies who are going through infertility, and they all feel that way. We're on our way to having a baby, we will resume trying next month after taking a month off for a Rubella vaccination. I am currently on clomid. Has your friend spoken to her doctor about her inability to get pregnant after a year?? At this point her regular doctor can refer her to a Reproductive Endocronologist or a fertility clinic that can assisst her. Good luck with your friend!! smile Take care!!!!!
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Posted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 11:45 am
Thanks for the advice!
As far as I know, Jen hasn't seen a doctor about it yet. I suggested that maybe she should get a simple ovulation tracker but she keeps mentioning not having the extra money for it.
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