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I've never had Japanese friends in America. I'm going to be attending a college that has about 30% foriegn students, and of course there are plenty of Japanese attending. I'm looking forward to making friends with them, already have chatted a little with them. But the vibe I get from them is that here in USA, they want to speak only English with you - wheather or not you know Japanese enough to converse with them. With other Japanese of course they will speak Japanese, but with anyone else it's strictly English. Even if you talk in Japanese, they answer in English.

I want to know, is this unconsious of them? Or is there a fine line being pushed whenever one person speaks something to the other? I don't want to let my Japanese get rusty, so of course I want to speak it with a native if I have the chance. But I get the vibe that they just don't want to deal with a Japanese-speaking person who isn't Japanese. Not not be friends with them, but just not have the time spent speaking Japanese.

Of course, the same thing happens IN Japan as well.. you speak Japanese, sometimes they only respond in English. I feel that it's just about bordering on.. rudeness, I wanna say? Because dear lord, Japanese is not some secretly coded language, or the most impossible thing to learn. I think Japanese have a sort of mindset that no one else can speak it right.

I want to know how far is too far or when too much is too much. I don't want to end up saying bluntly "Let's speak Japanese, ok?". Is there a balance to bilingual friendships?

While its true that Japanese often have a hard time comprehending that foreigners can speak Japanese, a lot of it has to do with your language level and the fact that you are indeed talking to students who have come over to study English and they probably have the same mind set as all you eager Japanenese learners.

I find that older Japanese people will answer you in broken English just about all the time no matter how good your Japanese is. I guess its kind of a politeness thing. But if you start throwing up some colloquial Japanese they tend to break down and start talking in the Nihongo

My brother is a big Japanese culture fan and apparently they are obsessed with the American/Western culture so it does make sense knowing that why they only want to talk in English and embrace the Western culture.

I had the chance of going to Japan and wasn't accepted and that was one of the things that I was really worried about. I don't speak a WHOLE lot of japanese. I can say that I'm fine and ask them how they are and maybe say my name is Megan . . . but that's it. So I was like OMFG I'm never gonna talk to people when I'm there. This actually kind of comforts me.

I've also heard about them being obsessed with Western Culture. For any anime watchers out there their anime is actually starting to look a bit like our old comics and vice versa . . . I think it's kinda odd how we're reversing roles almost.

that's what I say if I say konnichiwa I don't expect a hello.. I have some japanese students at my school but they won't speak Japanese to me but they will with each other... it's funny though when I get what they're saying and reply in Japanese. then they go eek "oh yeah we forgot you knew japanese" lol then they start saying a string of words really fast and I give up crying

In one point during my junior year, I remember we had a load of Japanese exchange students come in to my school which surprised me. I was only learning how to write in japanese and only read a few tutorials on the language, not enough to keep a good conversation though. Anyways, one of the girls was in my bus stop and we became pretty good friends. I remember one time though, I made her a mixed Jpop CD because she said she she forgot hers back at home. Anyways, she told me Arigatou ..but my problem was at that time, I didn't know how to say you're welcome she understood my situation and helped me out when ever I had questions and vis versa. It was pretty cool, I don't think they'd mind helping out with your studies if you explain your motives to them- in casual talk not straight up though. I mean I wouldn't mind them answering me back in english so long as I knew I was saying it correctly, but if I messed up, I'd expect them to correct me right away as I'd return the favor, if they'd like that is...

When I was in Japan recently (yay vacation =D), I found it naturally pre-wired to speak Japanese to Japanese, and English to, well, caucasians at least. Furthermore, if the situation were reversed, and I were in Japan and a Japanese person/friend always wanted to speak English with me, I would probably find it dull and boring after a short while. That's not to say I wouldn't be happy putting aside practice time to help them with their English, but that is a specific activity, as opposed to general day-to-day conversation. There is no better time or place to practice an adopted language than in a country with people who are native speakers talking in/about everyday situations. Consequently, giving up those opportunities on a regular basis by always speaking your own language is giving up on the best practice you'll ever get. Even if you speak the language grammatically very well, there is always more to learn to speak it like a native speaker would.

So, at the same time you're thinking "what a great opportunity to practice Japanese with these people" they might be thinking "what a great opportunity to get exposure and practive with real native English" To them, speaking to you in Japanese without the context of specifically helping you with the language, might seem dull.

If you've already made some sort of friendship or friendly connection with them, maybe you could ask them specifically if there was some time where you could get some practice speaking Japanese. That might give them a better context/framework to speak Japanese with you without feeling like they're losing their own exposure to native English.

and on a side note, while I was in Japan, I actually found that every Japanese I spoke too spoke right back in Japanese without hesitation. Not one person tried out any English with us. In fact, on two separate occasions, we couldn't get English out of them for all the money in the world. Once, an employee at Narita airport suggested to another employee to practice the English they just learned in a training class out on us and we told them we would be glad to help, but the second employee just kept on in Japanese, even though we started asking simple questions in English. Another time, a friend (of my husband while he was an exchange student) made it known another friend had speciallized in English but they only said (in Japanese, with mock terror) "Dont tell them that!" and kept saying how maybe they would speak it later >.> It was actually pretty funny.