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 Posted: Tue Apr 11, 2006 7:05 pm
Ok, so today Torri (who just turned 6) came up with another good one to add to her rap sheet. She was playing alone in her room. As far as I knew, everything was fine. She had just gotten over a time out and I asumed that she would be coming out to play with her sister or watch tv with us soon...
Our house is kinda old and the closet in the girls' room is really big. There are hooks for coats on the left side and a small window (<-- don't ask me, I have no idea why there's a window in the closet! xd ) on the right (which happens to be just behind where her clothes hang).
So... Torri decided it would be a good idea to use the clothes rod in the closet as part of a jungle-gym. She was apparently swinging from the clothes rod and kicked and/or kneed the window. Broken glass everywhere! We're having trouble finding a way to make the room safe for them now, because we can't take the window out and there's still a bunch of jagged pieces in the frame. We've put a hook lock on the top of the outside of the door until we can safely get all the pieces out of there.
This brings up a problem for me, though. Obviously, this is a big deal. She could've gotten hurt and/or hurt her sister (who, thankfully, wasn't in the room with her at the time) and of course she caused some damage to our apartment - which just gets added to all the other damage she did to her room (ripping the wall paper off, drawing on the walls, gouging a hole in the wall.....) and we only RENT this apartment! sweatdrop My problem is that I'm trying my damndest to come up with a decent punishment for it. Lately I've been doing a pretty good job keeping my cool with her (and today is no exception) no spanking, and minimum yelling (yay! go me!) But I'm just flabberghasted as to what to do about this! Nothing seems to get the point across with this child!
We were going to be having a pretty big birthday party for her now that the baby's finally home. I'm seriously concidering taking that away from her now. Although, I do have to wonder if that's a bit too extreme...?
What do you think?
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 2:35 am
My oldest being 2 I didn't really know what to say, so when I caught my mom online tonight I had her take a look.
Here's more or less what she had to say:Quote: Time out corners and refocusing all that energy. She needs to be talked to about what is good energy and what is bad a lot of different times when there is good bonding already taking place. A child really does need to be taught socially as well as intellectually ...Over and over and over again Some children are so much more impulsive and the more redirecting into positive things you can do the better Don't talk about how "cute" or "bad" it is in front of others and don't label the child. The action and the child should have a different focus. The child is not bad, the behaviour is. Remember that negative attention is more desireable than none, and to always let the child know your love is not based on their behavior.
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 10:19 pm
What does she value? Does she have a favorite activity or toy she really values? that is what you need to take away until she earns it back. If she really enjoys the TV then she needs to have no TV time... etc etc If others in the family are having TV time (or ??) she needs to be reading. Also I would make her do extra chores on an age appropriate level to earn 'money' to help pay for the window so she learns the monetary value she has damaged. Take her to the hardware store and look at prices of windows... then make her a chart showing her earnings coming off. That should be done with EXTRA chores.. not her normal household. She could wipe baseboards, dust, clean mirrors and windows etc. You can also help her focus her energy by having her sit and read a book that you have made a 'quiz' about. After she reads, give her the quiz and talk about it with her. This gives her quiet, constructive time plus time with your attention which it sounds like she is really craving right now. Best of luck and keep us posted! heart *hugs*
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Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2006 12:05 pm
Punishments need to be custom made to fit the child, based on their level of understanding and their impulsiveness. It is hard to make a specific suggestion. That said however, my Grandpa once said something insightful about punishing children. First, the punishment should come soon after the incident. If punishement is given too long afterward the child will not fully associate the punishment with what they are being punished for. Also all punishments need to be accompanied by an explanation, such as "The broken glass could cut you." This reinforces the association between the offense and the punishment and also educates your child that rules are made for reasons and not just because you like bossing them around. My daughter is only two, but usually if Jen or I explain that something can cause her "owies" she won't do it anymore. Not all children are the same though, and not all are as concerned about "owies" as our little girl. Whatever you decide though be sure to be firm in sticking with your decision so she knows you mean business. Well that's the best I've got. Hope it helps.
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Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 9:52 am
I want to thank everyone for their input on this.
We actually used a method much like what LadyElara explained.
Torri really is quite impulsive and pretty fearless. She might know that something could hurt her, but it won't always keep her from doing it. Sometimes I just want to rip my hair out with her, especially because she's sharing a room with her 2 year old sister now!
Oh, well! I guess I should chalk it up to a learning experience! xd
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Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 5:28 pm
When all is said and done, what's really important is knowing that, when she's older, you can tell this story to all her friends and dates. whee You've already punished her as best you can. Sometimes kids need to learn something a few times before it sinks in. At least she's starting on this kind of lesson now instead of waiting until it involves a brand new drivers license and reckless driving. Also, of course, there's the Mother's Curse. Feel free to invoke it at any time, and reap the glorious benefits. Repeat after me: "I hope you have children exactly like yourself." You don't even have to say it out loud, although it adds weight. And believe me, if she has children, this will come true. It always does. So when she calls to vent about how her own 6-year-old just tried to swing from a ceiling fixture by hanging from an umbrella on the rim and jumping off a stool, and now there's a big hole in the ceiling and there's a hefty electrician's bill coming...you get to sit back and listen with the biggest smile on your face and remember that, this time, it's cute because it's your grandchild and you don't have to build character.
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Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 11:06 am
rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl
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Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2006 11:53 am
yeah each kid responds differently to punishments...anthony only responds to time outs, where as jake only responds to spanking, ive tried everything with him, but spanking his butt once seems to put him in his place, wheras anthony you could do it all day long, and he will just smile and giggle at you, time out works on anthony because for some reason he hates being put somewhere and being left alone, and when he goes to timeout we all sit in the kitchen until its time for him to come out then i go in the living room and i talk to him one on one...
i just hope as they geet older jake will respond in a better manner to time outs, maybe even taking away privleges, but he is still too young to understand too much...
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Posted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 3:38 pm
When our 7 year old son broke our window, we revoked all of his stickers for the month. (That's our reward system; a sticker chart with a month on it. If he earns so many stickers for helping around the house, getting good grades, etc., we take him to do something fun at the end of the month.) If you don't have something like that going, I'd just have her do chores for a while.
Good luck, and I hope things improve for you. 3nodding
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