|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:47 am
Follows What's in a name?Takes place early July 2025
“Would it be okay if I used Harper for a middle name?” he blurted out as he dried off one of the pots that had been used for dinner. He’d worked out a whole conversation in his head, gone over the things he wanted to talk about with Evan all through dinner, and in the end, instead of casually asking Evan about things like names and what he preferred, Riker jumped to the end.
His ears burned and he dried the pot a little more aggressively than necessary.
“I mean, like, I was uh-- wondering what you thought about your name. Since I can pick anything.”
Should he have talked to Evan about all this first? Probably. His anxiety spiked a bit and he tried not to look at Evan to give himself away. The nap Julian convinced him to take helped, but now he was turning their cleaning of the kitchen into something maybe a little too deep. Evan hadn’t had a chance to rest. But he’d also said he wouldn’t be able to until the adoption papers were completed. And this was the last thing.
“Like, I know it doesn’t have to be final, but I was thinking… uh… it’s not that I don’t like your last name. And I want to be your son. Um…” Oh, he was making it sound a lot worse than he meant to. “I just know things have happened and I want something that’s just ours, I guess?”
He cringed at himself. Everything he’d talked to Julian about and worked out in his head made perfect sense. But now it was just a jumbled mess of nonsense.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:50 am
At first, Evan hadn’t even thought to mention how wet Riker had gotten himself while washing the dishes. Sure, sometimes the sink was disagreeable, but the state of Riker’s shirt was…impressive.
It took Evan a few seconds to answer, not because it was a difficult topic, but because he wasn’t sure what Riker needed him to say.
Slowly, he answered, “...Yes?” just to make sure there wasn’t a long silence. But he had to unpack the rest of the words to make sure Riker knew there wasn’t any doubt or confusion, so he shook his head. “I mean–sorry, let me–to be clear, yes, you can use Harper for anything you want. For your middle name?”
…Suddenly the state of Riker’s shirt made a little more sense, and Evan brushed his hands off on his jeans before moving to stand a little closer. He didn’t want to get damp but he supposed he could just change into his pajamas if he did.
“Riker,” he said softly, wrapping his arms around the teenager in a half-hug. “No matter what name you choose, you’re going to be my son. You should have a middle name you like–Harper’s good! It’s better than my middle name. Well,” he paused.
“Well, my middle name’s James. After my dad. So I think having a middle name after your dad is normal? But I hope you like me more than I like him. I’ll work hard so you do,” he promised, but the bar was low.
“You have a last name in mind, too?”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:50 am
Riker leaned into the hug, although he was aware enough to try to avoid getting Evan wet. Just because he flipped a pan over before it had been completely drained of soapy water didn’t mean Evan needed to also be soaked.
He fidgeted a bit, drying the pot a little more excessively than was necessary. It was already dry, but it gave his hands something to do. He was relieved that Evan was okay with Harper as his middle name, although he made a face at the thought of Evan having to share a name with his dad. What he knew about the guy, well… it was why he didn’t want to do something to remind Evan of his old family.
But… oh…
His ears burned when asked about the last name he had in mind. Of course he had a last name in mind, but he was suddenly very flustered. Not because he thought there was anything wrong with McCann! It was something he decided he wanted to help Julian protect and call their own. But he was also aware that… well, did people usually just take their best friend’s name? Was that normal? Probably not. Not that he cared what other people thought.
Except that he did care. And especially about the opinions of those he cared about.
“Well… Julian and I were talking about it,” he mumbled awkwardly, his voice a little hesitant. Evan had never given him the feeling that he would judge him, but Riker was still worried about where was the line?
“I know it doesn’t have to be permanent,” he explained, although those were mostly Julian’s words, not his own. He was just agreeing to make things easier. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t want to change his name again.
“But, um… I was thinking McCann. Like Julian. Uh, we’ll be able to sit next to each other at graduation?” As if that was the only reasoning he needed.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:51 am
Evan tilted his head just slightly, the same patient expression on his face that had been there for the last minute.
“You don’t have to keep saying ‘it doesn’t have to be permanent’. I mean, it doesn’t. But. It’s okay if it is. You don’t have to keep saying it like you’re afraid I’ll think you’ve picked wrong. If you like it now, that’s good enough. I like it. I think it’s a good idea. And it sounds good, Riker McCann? That rolls off the tongue.”
He shouldn’t have been surprised that Julian would have offered his name, nor should he have been surprised that Riker would have accepted it. Julian gave everything he had, and Riker treasured every gift offered to him.
It probably wasn’t about the two of them sitting together at graduation, but that was cute of them.
Truthfully, Evan didn’t know the exact extent they’d been through–he knew Riker much more than Julian, but he’d been around both of them for long enough to know they were just trying to figure out their place in the world and patch up the holes life had left in them. He was glad they’d found each other.
There was a camaraderie there he couldn’t–wouldn’t–comepete with, even if there was plenty he could empathize with.
“And when I need to call you both for dinner, I’ll only have to use one name,” he teased, as if Evan didn’t just go looking for them instead of shouting to find them. He gave Riker another half-squeeze. “I think it’s a good choice, I like it. Maybe I’ll change my last name to McCann too. No, I’m just kidding. I'm already overwhelmed by all this paperwork, I’m sure I’d start messing up if I did more. I’m lucky Zac’s been going over all of it with me. I mean, Soleiyu has too but Zac’s the one who helped me break all this down and get things together. He and Michael–Gallo, you know the one–have been really, well, you know. I don’t know if I could have–”
He hesitated and then shook his head. “No, I’d have still found a way to adopt you. But they made it a lot easier. I’ve still got a list of things I need to do but,” he exhaled and tipped his head back a little bit.
It was overwhelming, all of it. But Riker was worth it.
“Well, we’ll get this done tonight, and Zac’s going to help me make sure I’ve got it all together.”
Zac, who had been notably absent today. He was around, just always one room over. While Evan stood next to Riker, he pressed his lips together. He wasn’t trying to help with the dishes right now, like he was too distracted to split his focus into multiple tasks.
“He mentioned something I didn’t think about before. I don’t know if I want to say it.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:52 am
Riker’s hand stilled as he pressed the dish towel to the already dry pot. He kept his eyes fixed on the counter, unable to look at Evan for a few moments, hoping that he could keep himself steady by avoiding his too knowing gaze. His chest felt heavy with dread.
Not for most of what Evan said! It was a relief that Evan seemed to be okay with McCann. And he was grateful that Evan was getting the help he needed for all of this. Riker was even more grateful for the opportunity to be legally tied to Evan, rather than waiting in fear for that woman to come back for him, for whatever reason.
Maybe just to spite him. Maybe to spite Evan.
“You can say it,” he said quietly, steeling himself but also saying it as casually as possible. He didn’t want Evan to think he was worried, even if his stomach was doing flips. “I’m not gonna, like… freak out or anything.” Okay, maybe that was a little too obvious that he was desperately trying not to freak out.
He set the pan down before he could drop it. His hands were shaking a little, but it was fine. He just set them on the edge of the counter, although doing nothing to pull himself out of Evan’s half hug.
“If it’s about Zac, I just--...” Riker stopped and frowned. He tried to smile, to be casual about it, to prove that he wasn’t worried. Zac was someone he knew was important to Evan, and Riker knew, from both vague stories where he had to read between the lines and Evan outright saying it, that Zac had saved Evan’s life on more than one occasion.
Zac was sharp enough to slice someone open with a single comment… but also the kind of person who would carry in the groceries without being asked. Who would comment on things being a waste of time, but also get on his knees to check under the bed for monsters. Who would let Riker help with the yard work like it wasn’t a big deal, and would make sure he had plenty of water available to stay hydrated, but also… didn’t really talk to him.
It wasn’t very hard to imagine what someone like Zac might say when Riker wasn’t in the room. ‘You don’t need a kid with baggage. You’ve already got enough on your plate.’ Maybe something short and to the point and not even cruel. The kind of thing that stuck in your head whether you wanted to think about it or not.
He knew it wasn’t fair to guess. He knew he might be completely wrong. But it was easier to prepare for the worst than to get blindsided by it.
Still, he shifted a little closer to Evan, moving one arm to wrap around his shoulders in return. His throat felt tight, and he had to force himself to make his mouth move again.
“I know he’s important to you. I’m not trying to make anything harder. I’m just--...” he paused again, searching for the right word. “...--trying.” It came out with a breath of a sigh and his shoulders slumped a bit, in defeat or resignation or both.
“If he thinks this is a bad idea or… or that it might cost a lot more than it’s worth to have me here, I can get another job,” he blurted before he could stop himself. “Is that it? Does he think I’m a drain on resources? I can-- I can do more, don’t worry about that.”
As if to prove it, or maybe just to keep his hands busy, he shifted his arm away from Evan’s shoulders so he could pick up another pot to dry, as if that would solve all of their problems.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:52 am
Evan’s eyes flashed, at first with confusion, and then panic. “What? No, Riker. I mean–you know Zac, he’s the first person to criticize an idea, but–no, that’s not–okay, no.”
He shook his head and had to turn to completely face Riker. He took the cloth from Riker’s hand, took the pot, and set them down and out of the way before he placed both hands on Riker’s shoulders so they were facing each other.
Riker was taller than him but Evan was determined. He caught his gaze and said, “That’s not what I was going to say. You’re not a drain on resources. Don’t get another job, school’s your job. And it is about Zac, but it’s not what you’re thinking. I told you, he’s the one who helped me get all this together. If he wasn’t going to support me, he wouldn’t have helped me. If he was totally against it, don’t think he wouldn’t have sabotaged me. No–what I was trying to say was, well-”
Evan hesitated and sucked in a breath, shifting his weight from foot to foot before settling.
“He said I should have a plan for you if something happened to me. Not that I’m planning for anything to happen to me! That’s why I didn’t want to say it, I didn’t want to worry you!” He looked up at Riker with an earnest desperation. “It wasn’t anything like what you’re thinking. He just wanted to make sure someone would be there to look after you if something happened to me. He said I should find someone trustworthy enough for a second-parent adoption. But I got mad at him because I thought it would just stress you out. We didn’t fight,” he clarified, because the last thing he wanted was for Riker to think he’d caused problems between them. “I don’t remember exactly what I said. I think I told him if he was so worried then he should sign up. Um,” he cleared his throat.
“Which maybe isn’t fair to you, I know how he is. He likes you,” Evan insisted, like he always did, because he knew Zac in a way Zac wouldn’t let other people know him. “He just wants to make sure you’re okay. And me. But he said if anything happened to me, he’d make sure you were okay. But he also says nothing will happen to me. I don’t know.” He exhaled and repeated, “I don’t know. He makes me feel safe. If anything happens to me–if,” he reiterated, “let Zac take care of you. And take care of him. Because he won’t know how to ask for help, because he’s such a d**k. He said he’d sign the papers, though. It wouldn’t change anything, it would just be a safety net. And we don’t have to–you don’t have to. But he offered, so I guess it’s only fair if I let you know it’s on the table, too.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:53 am
Riker stared at Evan for a few seconds after he finished, the words still swirling around his head like a storm.
They had a plan. For him. With Zac.
He swallowed down the lump in his throat, still trying to have his thoughts catch up to everything Evan said.
“That’s… a lot,” he finally said, his voice quieter than he’d intended. “I mean--” Riker paused and shook his head. “That’s a huge thing to just--” His hands made a vague gesture that might have been trying to imply something very big being dropped down from above. A piano, maybe. Or meteor. “You don’t just… sign up for something like that. Not unless you mean it. Or… actually want to.”
The thought of Zac wanting to be involved in his life like that weighed strangely in his chest. It was much easier to imagine Zac agreeing because he was worried about Evan rather than because of him. Which-- fine. That would be fine. But it was still a lot.
“I mean… does he even really want to do it? Or was it just-- like-- something for you?”
Again, that was fine. He lifted hand to rub the back of his neck, brows furrowed, still frowning as he processed everything. If Zac really did mean it… if he was serious about taking that on… that was more protection than Riker had ever let himself hope for. He’d never had two adults as his legal guardians. And if he didn’t mean it, like maybe it was just convenient, or a failsafe like Evan implied, then Riker just needed to know before it got stuck in his head as something more than it was.
“Where is he now?” he asked. He didn’t want to pull out of Evan’s grounding weight of his hands on his shoulders, but…
He reached up to place both hands over Evan’s, giving them a squeeze and gently removed them so he could take a step back. He didn’t need an answer to guess where Zac might have been hiding.
Riker didn’t give himself time to overthink it. He made his way from the kitchen and out onto the back patio. The summer air was warm and the faint smell of smoke that rose from the firepit directed him where he suspected he would find Zac. Sure enough, he was there, half in shadow with the firelight flickering off his face.
He crossed the yard, but stopped a few feet away, and blurted out the only thing that felt right in that moment.
“Dude, what the hell?”
He knew he probably should have said ‘thank you’ or maybe asked ‘why’ or anything else. Instead he just stood there, waiting, as if half daring Zac to explain himself, but also half terrified of the answer.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:53 am
Though Evan had opened his mouth like he meant to answer Riker, the teenager had other ideas. Evan wanted to clear things up, wanted to explain, but Riker–
Was gone. Not fast enough that Evan couldn’t have stopped him, but he’d beelined for Zac who was sitting in a lawn chair, soaking up the warmth of a dimming fire in the gentle summer night.
He was the picture of peace–until Riker came out, but even then he didn’t look particularly perturbed. He was resting his elbow on his knee and his chin in his palm as he looked from the fire to Riker.
“...Yeah,” he drawled slowly. “...You’re gonna have to give me a little more context than that, sorry.”
He didn’t sound sorry, but he didn’t sound angry, either. There were two chairs out by the pit, maybe out of habit more than because he expected company. He had a cold beer, half finished and still bubbling, but only one can. He might not have planned to be out here for too long, but neither did he seem like he was in any rush to go inside.
Zac gave the perfect impression of someone who might have meant to be here for a while, or not at all.
He was still making up his mind.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:54 am
Riker sputtered, the confusion on his face pulling into something more like frustrated disbelief.
“You-- what do you mean ‘context’? You know what I’m talking about.”
He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, crossing his arms defensively across his chest like he was making them a shield. It wasn’t that he was mad -- well, okay, maybe a little -- but the idea of Zac acting clueless made his stomach twist uncomfortably. This wasn’t the kind of thing you just… forgot. Or tossed out there and didn’t think about it again.
Riker glanced away, standing awkward and tense. His ears were burning, but he was grateful for the dark of the evening.
“Evan said you’d… you know. That you’d sign papers. Guardianship, custody, whatever it is. That you’d…” He trailed off before he could say adopt me, because the words felt too heavy in his mouth. Too permanent. If he said it, and Zac didn’t mean it like that, Riker wasn’t sure if he could bear the shame of getting his hopes up. Not that--... not that he had hopes to begin with. Even as his heart raced.
“...Basically be in charge of me if something happened to him.”
It was easier to say it that way, but he still huffed and tightened his arms over his chest.
“That’s… that’s not just… You don’t just say that unless you mean it. So if you don’t mean it, fine -- just say so. It’s not like I’m gonna be offended. I’m a hassle, I know that.”
He hesitated, and then continued, voice still awkward but softer now. “And if you do mean it… why? Like, actually why? Is this just… for Evan? Because if it is, that’s fine. But if you think this is gonna be a walk in the park to deal with me permanently. Or… I guess, well. For half a year…”
Oh…
Just like he’d worried about when living with that woman. As soon as he turned eighteen, he wouldn’t be her problem. Suddenly, he felt like he was making a much bigger deal about this than he needed to. Evan had already promised that he’d always have him, and Riker believed that, but… His heart overrode anything going on in his brain, and made him think that--...
Riker let out a shaky breath, although he felt like he’d already answered his own question. He was glad he didn’t say everything he’d thought outloud. At least he’d have some dignity left when he walked away.
He gestured vaguely towards the fire, his posture already that of someone who was defeated and resigned. “So… yeah. Context.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:55 am
Zac watched him for a long moment.
“Why do you look like a kicked puppy?” he asked, and let the question hang for a moment. “You came huffing out here for that?” He gave him a look, but sat up in the chair and leaned back. The light of the fire danced across his features but did little to reveal any thoughts he’d yet to speak.
“Why would I say something like that and not mean it? All that paperwork’s not exactly a ‘walk in the park’. If I wanted to give you a hard time about anything, I’d do it over something easier for me to deal with. Why, are you scared you’ll get stuck with me?”
He lifted the glass bottle between two fingers, sipped. It’s not like he’d had enough to get drunk. He worked in a bar for most of his adult life, it was just a flavor he liked. The bottle of water by his ankle was half finished, equally cold.
He wasn’t out here to get drunk, just to enjoy the quiet summer night and all the stars in the sky.
“Relax. Nothing’s going to happen to Evan.” Probably. “I told him to have a backup plan, you never know when s**t’s gonna hit the fan. And I know his luck.”
Evan would leave the state for one day and Riker would wind up in the hospital needing someone to authorize surgery or something ridiculous.
But Zac thought more than he said and he kept his eyes trained on Riker’s face intently.
“You think I’m afraid of you trying to push my buttons or something?” He snorted. “Nobody’s been in my house for ‘half a year’, I can’t get rid of any of you once you move in. That’s old news, if you’re here now I figure you’re here to stay. Evan said you’re allowed to live here for as long as you want.”
Zac didn’t argue it. He might have huffed and puffed but it was still his house. He could have said no if he’d wanted to. He sounded gruff, but not cruel. Defensive, like he was guarding himself, but not so much that it sounded like he was trying to rub Riker the wrong way.
“Don’t make it sound like I want to control you, I wouldn’t be ‘in charge of you’. I’d be here for you if something happened to him. I’m not gonna kick you out or give you a hard time if you don’t want me to sign the papers. It’s an offer. I just think both of you are a little soft sometimes. I don’t want either of you to get in over your head and wind up stuck.”
Zac spoke around what he should have just said but he watched Riker’s face like he was doing all that and still trying to read between the lines.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:55 am
Riker stared at him for a moment, ears and cheeks flushed, caught between desperately wanting to believe every word Zac just said and the stubborn voice in his head warning him not to. His chest felt tight, like all the air he’d been holding onto just… got stuck, refusing to move. He knew Zac wasn’t the type to sugarcoat anything, so maybe he should’ve been relieved to hear him say it so plainly. But instead, it felt like he was standing in the middle of a frozen lake, listening for cracks in the ice.
“You make it sound like it’s just… not a big deal,” he mumbled awkwardly, shifting his weight and glancing at the crackling fire. “Like, you’re just… saying it because it’s true for you, and that should be enough for me to believe it. But I--” Riker swallowed, struggling hard because what was he supposed to say? He was trying to explain himself, but he didn’t know if he was doing a good job. Probably not.
“I don’t really know what to do with that. I’m not--... used to being someone that people keep around,” he said, letting out a sharp breath as he dropped his arms from where they’d been crossed, letting them hang awkwardly at his sides.
“I mean, yeah, I’ve got friends. I’ve got Evan. But Evan’s… Evan. He’s the exception to the rule. You--” He stopped himself before he could say you’re different out loud. He tried again. “You’re not--” Another pause as he struggled for the right words. “You’re not predictable for me. I don’t know if I’m supposed to take this like… you actually want me here, or if I’m just… a thing you’re willing to tolerate and take care of because it’s the right thing to do. Or because it’s what Evan wants.”
The words kept tripping over themselves, coming faster now. Maybe he was afraid Zac would cut him off before he could explain everything.
“Like, I know Evan trusts you, so I’m not saying I don’t. I just--” Another pause, and he shook his head. “I’ve never had… you know. That kind of person in my life before Evan. A ‘here to stay’ person. So thinking that maybe you could be that -- I, mean, I know I’m freaking myself out thinking I’m expecting too much and I’ll just end up --The woman who birthed me only kept me because she was getting a monthly check from the guy I apparently got all my genes from. I’ve never met the guy. Don’t even know his name. He’s not on my birth certificate--”
Riker clamped his mouth shut, as if suddenly aware of just how much he was oversharing, how much of his rambling, fragmented thoughts made no sense. Zac probably thought he was unhinged, if he didn’t think that already. It wasn’t as though he didn’t want to talk to Zac or get to know him, or tell him about himself in return. But things were always so tense. Riker would try to help out and-- he wasn’t ignored, but it was as though he just existed, he was thanked, maybe given some appreciative comment about his assistance, and the world moved on-- and he was okay with that! At least… he thought he was. Until he found out Zac was willing to put his name on something that maybe meant more to Riker than it probably should have.
“I’m not--” he struggled again, choking on the words so he held up his hands for a moment before dropping them back to his sides, feeling restless and awkward. “I’m not trying to read into this. Or… hope for more than it is. Because if you just mean it like… helping with paperwork, or making sure I’ve got a place to crash, or just to give Evan some peace of mind-- yeah, that’s still… it’s a lot. I’m not ungrateful! I just--”
He finally glanced up, forcing himself to meet Zac’s eyes with something almost desperate and unsteady. “I’d rather know now if I’m imagining the rest. And it’s okay if I am! I just know I won’t stop thinking about it until I know for sure.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:56 am
Oh, ********. Zac wasn’t good at this stuff. There was a brief second, while Riker wasn’t looking, that Zac peered over his shoulder and found Evan hovering anxiously in the doorway to the house, like he was trying to figure out if he should come out or not. Zac flicked his wrist, not a grand gesture but enough that Evan sagged against the door frame and crossed his arms over his chest instead of rushing out to the yard.
Would Riker cry if Zac said the wrong thing?
Yeah, maybe. He had that look in his ********, Zac exhaled. Held the weight of Riker’s words and measured his own.
“Look,” he said slowly, not as delicately as he wanted. It came out too hoarse, too gruff. He clenched his jaw, relaxed it.
“I’m not a good person.”
He wasn’t kind. He could recognize when someone needed kindness, but Zac was gravel and broken glass and bad decisions, bagged in skin that barely held it all together.
He wasn’t compassionate. He could see when someone needed softness, but he was salt in an open wound, too blunt and too quick to see where they messed up and could have done better, and maybe he’d say that instead of the reassurance they needed first.
Sympathy–what? He was supposed to pity someone? Comfort them? In what world was Zac a comfort? Empathy? He was even worse with that.
Honesty, integrity. No.
Was he respectful? Not really. He tried. Was he fair? Sort of.
Wise? Forgiving? Generous? Polite?
No, no, no no.
Responsible, sort of. Because somebody had to be. But he did it because he didn’t think anyone else could, so he was overbearing. He was crass, and pushy, and sarcastic, and bitter, and selfish. He was so surface level on anything that mattered; he could fake it but if people got too close, dug too deep?
Riker was digging too deep.
Because, below that, it just got worse. The light of the fire cast shadows that looked like blood on his hands, and Zac knew there were some stains he’d never wash clean. Had Evan told Riker about his time with the Negaverse, about what he’d done to Evan, or Malcolm? Or anyone else, because Zac didn’t even remember all the damage he’d done. Did Riker know that Zac had hunted the Negaverse when Lysithea was missing? Did he know that Zac was willing to hurt, or kill?
Did Evan even know?
Maybe not. Zac exhaled. He brushed his hands together and leaned forward in his chair again, eyes fixed to Riker’s.
“I’m not a family man. I didn’t even want Julian, that was Talia. She’s the one who did the heavy lifting to get that sorted out.”
He just built the attic. Made space. Kept his distance so he didn’t scare Julian into a heart attack. Tried to predict what he’d need because Julian asked for nothing. Zac made space without being asked but he didn’t make a big deal out of that, and he hadn’t when Riker moved in, too.
“Evan knows more about what you need. And he cares about you, he loves you. He’s good at talking about, good at showing, that sort of thing. Me, I don’t know what I’m doing with any of this, so I don’t want to get your hopes up. I’m not going to change, I don’t know how to. But you’re not a bad kid. Even though I think sometimes you try to be.”
No, he wasn’t trying to upset him. He bit his cheek and corrected, “You try to chase people away before they can chase you away. Well, you used to. You’re getting better at not doing that. But I’m not just tolerating you. I don’t ‘tolerate’ what I don’t have to. I’d b***h about you a lot more if you were bothering me.”
Nag, yes. Tease, yes. In good fun, back and forth. But he didn’t b***h about Riker, behind his back or to his face.
“I wouldn’t offer to sign the paperwork if I wasn’t willing to keep an eye out for you. I told Evan he didn’t have to tell you, I didn’t want you to freak out and think this was something you could mess up by saying yes or no. Yeah, I brought it up because I was worried Evan was in over his head. And if s**t hits the fan, I’d rather be involved than not. Evan’s a good guy. He wants to do right by you. He wants to take care of you. And you’ve been living here long enough that I don’t want anything to happen to either of you. So–no, I wasn’t offering just to help with paperwork or make sure you have a place to crash or give Evan peace of mind. It was for the other stuff, too. You think Evan’s gonna be the one to teach you how to stop the toilet from leaking? Change the lawnmower blades? Clean the gutters? Good luck.”
Zac huffed but his expression and tone didn’t change.
“I’m here to stay. For all the s**t he can’t help you with. Or maybe the stuff you don’t want him to. Whether or not any papers are signed. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I’m still not going anywhere.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:56 am
Riker shifted his weight again, rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans like he was just getting comfortable, and not like he was trying to keep himself grounded.
“Right. Yeah. That makes sense,” he said quickly, maybe a little too quickly, like if he responded fast enough there wouldn’t be any room for something else to slip out. He nodded, as though testing the words before saying them. “Okay. I’ll… believe you,” he said, his voice lower now, like it might shatter if he tried increasing the volume. The pause in his words was long enough to hint that he was still working on the believing part.
Believe him. Just believe him.
It was easier said than done. It wasn’t that Zac had done anything wrong! It was just… unfamiliar. He was still coming to terms with people wanting him around without a reason other than wanting him there. He was getting better, but it was a slow process after it being so ingrained that he wasn’t worth that effort. But as far as he could tell, Zac was saying it like there didn’t need to be an ulterior reason at all. And that… he was having trouble getting it to fit in his head still.
He lifted a hand to rub the back of his neck, his gaze drifting somewhere past Zac almost like it was safer not to look directly at him.
“It’s easy to think maybe you’re just being polite, or doing Evan a favor. And I don’t want to… expect more than it is,” he tried to explain, the words stumbling a bit at the end. He didn’t add or more than you can give, but the thought was there and weighing heavy in his chest. He’d never had a ‘dad’ figure in his life, and there was a part of him that wanted Zac to be that so badly it was embarrassing. But expecting that? Building it up in his head? Yeah, that was a good way to watch it fall apart. Or worse -- be torn down.
A moment passed before he attempted a half grin. It felt like using masking tape to fix a ceramic bowl. “But, uh, free plumbing advice and… whatever other random stuff you’re willing to teach? I’d be an idiot to pass that up, right?” He hated that his voice sounded like it was stuck somewhere between joking and maybe serious. Zac said it was more than just paperwork and making sure Evan was taken care of, so… he would have to believe that.
He finally glanced back at Zac, almost like he was checking for signs that he’d pushed too far, but then quickly looked away again. His face still felt uncomfortably hot, and it had nothing to do with the heat from the fire.
“So, yeah. Cool. Thanks. For… you know. Not just writing me off.” Even as he said it, he felt that stupid tug of wanting. Wanting it to mean more, wanting it to last. He hated how much hope hurt when you didn’t know if it was safe to hold on to.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:57 am
For a moment, there was only the sound of the crackling fire and the distant hum of summer bugs. Zac exhaled, long and worn, like he’d been holding his breath for a moment while he listened to Riker.
“Sit down,” he said, nodding to the second chair across from him.
He didn’t want to have this conversation from a chair while Riker stood there, nor did he want to get up just to be eye level. He waited for Riker to settle himself, and when they were sitting across from each other over the fire, Zac relaxed in the seat a little more. He was always high strung but he at least gave the impression of someone who wasn’t any more wound up than usual.
“First of all, I don’t do things to be polite. So get that out of your head. Here,” he said, as if he needed to prove it, “I’m not gonna pretend like I can’t tell you’re all chewed up about something. I know you’re smiling because you don’t know what else to do with your face. Make a joke out of it if you want but you don’t have to.”
Zac wasn’t putting on any airs; no gentle smile, no soft voice. Just him. Rough around the edges, but not trying to be mean.
“But let’s not beat around the bush. Don’t make me play the guessing game unless I have to. You said you don’t want to read into this or hope for more than it is. So tell me what you hope this is. And I’ll tell you if I think I can do it.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:57 am
Riker froze. The way a kid might when the teacher called on them and they weren’t expecting it. His brain immediately started flipping through possible answers, like maybe he could find one that wouldn’t make him sound like an idiot.
When told to sit, he did. He crossed over to the chair across from Zac and lowered himself into it. He crossed his arms over his chest, not quite defensively, but as if he was bracing himself for impact.
“I…” He paused to clear his throat, eyes darting from Zac to the fire to the backyard to a tree, as if maybe something would save him from this moment.
Don’t say it. Just laugh it off. Make it a joke. Say something about wanting free food or ask for a bigger bedroom. Anything but the truth.
Except Zac was looking at him like he would actually wait for the truth. Somehow, that was worse.
“I don’t know,” Riker finally managed to say, except he did know, and his stomach twisted uncomfortably because the real answer felt like it was too big and too easy to break if he removed it from his head and placed it between them. “I mean, I’ve gone this long without…” He trailed off with a cringe, fingers digging into his arm to try and keep himself focused. “Without, you know. A dad. So it’s not like I need one.”
That part was true. Or at least it had been. Before Evan. Before Zac. Before he joked about Evan being his mom. Before he teased Zac about being his dad. Before the idea of something more than just a joke started to creep in, quiet and dangerous, that maybe there was something to want.
“But it’s… hard not to think about what it’d be like,” he admitted, his voice low, almost like the words weren’t entirely meant for Zac to hear. “And I don’t want to sound-- I don’t know-- desperate or weird or like I’m trying to put you in some role you don’t want. Especially since you’ve already said you’re not a ‘family man’ and all that.”
His throat felt tight. He wanted to escape. Maybe pretend like this conversation never happened.
“I just… guess I was hoping you meant it in a way where… you know… more than just the paperwork and stuff. Where you’d…”
He stopped, biting back the last words before they could come out.
Be there. Actually stay like you said you will. Be something I don’t even have a name for.
The silence felt heavy, so he forced another half smile and shrugged as if he was trying to throw the weight of it off of him. “Nevermind. It’s stupid.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
