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 Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 7:11 am
this is a song i just wrote, my band loves it because its about curent events (you have to know me well to know what the events are)
dead goddess
she wears black
to mourn her loss
i hold her close
cold to the touch
broken soul
ice is warmer than you!
(bridge) like you never had life at all
freeze me, ice cold, darling
you make me shiver
(1.) in your ebony dress
but your so deat to the world
blood drained from your veins
skin pale as ivory
the perfection, marble goddess
(chorus) silky white, and ebony black
dead goddess, next to me
chilling, killing me
(1.)
she wears black
to mourn....her...
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Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 7:39 am
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Posted: Tue Apr 04, 2006 5:16 am
I really like the imagery and the chill feeling. I like the overall tone of the poem...but the line "ice is warmer than you!" seems out of place to me. The rest of the poem is mysterious. You go from using sentence fragments to putting a random exclamatory sentence in there and I don't think it fits.
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Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 6:53 pm
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Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 11:18 pm
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Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 3:14 am
I really like it. Your imagery is great.
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Posted: Thu May 18, 2006 10:43 am
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