[R] A Metaphor For Trains [Waru/Aelius]

[Kolina]

Quote:

Takes place the morning after The light at the end.

A pillow fell to the floor with the softest of landings. A groan escaped from the lump under the blankets for its loss. A minute passed. Then another. No other movement rustled the blankets until a young man finally began to drag himself out of the cocoon he’d created for himself in a fit of misery. A dreaming bladder was the culprit of the emergence. Otherwise, Aelius would have been incredibly happy to have continued to stay hidden from the world. Perhaps even find his way back to slumber. Exhaustion of the previous day had finally worn him down past the point his body could no longer ignore and sleep had been swift and heavy.

Upon awaking, the memories of the previous day came flooding back like a tidal wave throwing the man into a fit of depression and apprehension. He didn’t want to leave the safety of his dark bedroom. It was safer there in the dark. Safer to avoid the world, but the body had needs.

Opening his door, Aelius was greeted by two things that set him on immediate edge. First, the sight of his couch, transformed into the bed beneath and second the sound of someone rustling around in his kitchen.

His need to relieve himself immediately diminished as he recalled his and Albite’s arrival back to his apartment. How he’d barely given the man a chance to say a word, before Aelius powered down, admonished him for teleporting into his apartment, and immediately sequestered himself away in his bedroom with a sharp slam out his door. He had reached his threshold for the day, was miserable and defeated, and dealing wtih Waru’s smug a** was not plausible.

In fairness, he hadn’t thought Waru was sincere about staying here and had, in fact, expected it to have just been a bluff. But, as Aelius turned the corner of the tiny hallway between his bedroom, bathroom and hall closet, he vocally groaned upon seeing the head full of dreadlocks.

“What the hell are you doing in my kitchen?”

Shiningamisgirl

 

[Shiningamisgirl]

“Morning sunshine! Whadya like for breakfast—“ spoken as if he hadn’t heard Aelius, as though it was obvious what he was doing in the mans kitchen. Innotated with a hint of wryness, because he didn’t actually care whether or not it was obvious, or whether or not Aelius approved. He was where he was, doing what he was doing, like he owned the place. Hell, like he intended to spend an extensive amount of time doing so with that exact attitude.

He didn’t want it to be that way— wanted fun, fast, easy—because the faster everything got resolved the better for them all! But Waru knew fast didn’t make friendly and ‘better’ by any means did not come without a cost. Todays cost was that of breakfast and a conversation—whether either man was happy for it or not.

“You are, like, living spartan sparse in this place. It’s concerning—and this is coming from the guy who lives in two slightly more fancy than average hovels…” the words cut only by the crackle pop of butter heating in a pan, the hiss of Aelius fridge door opening and closing again as Waru fished some more ingredients out. If he was gonna have breakfast? He was having cheese on it. He could multitask like that, talk and talk and turn the heat down n crack an egg at the same time. He could do it dressed down, half awake, worried.

Oh how he worried—- couldn’t decide what to feel until he was less hungry n more focused, so! He focused, in the task at hand, on Aelius tone and the way he looked so much like a wounded thing in his periphery. If the man was ready to snarl or keep staring Waru couldn’t decide.

“So when I say *concerning*, Aelius. What I really mean is — the ******** are you surviving and thriving? The hells *you* in all of this place—last two times I was here I got the whole ‘just moved in’ vibe, yanno? Not that you were letting me wander all the spaces, but it’s been a hot minute since we were drinking—n even longer since I patched you up before that.“ the question was ever punctuated with Waru rifling through a drawer, another, finally finding a spatula and tapping the edge of the pan with it in time to his thoughts before shrugging them all off.


“Whatever, we’re having eggs n toast. Do you want something with it? Cheese, pepper, salt, my head— which you can stop burning holes into any minute fam. I ain’t gonna disappear for all the staring in the world—n’fact the opposites likely, cause me n attention are all sorts of friends...“

Kolina

 

[Kolina]

“What I have is enough.” He remarked blandly, eyes watching the force of a man move about like he owned the damn place. If Aelius had the energy, he’d bristle at the audacity of it all, but he couldn’t be bothered.

Waru just went on and on and…Aelius couldn’t take it. Not this early in the morning with the threat of a headache looming like an oncoming storm. “I am not hungry.” He said as he pushed away from the wall to disappear back into the hallway and to his original destination. There he took care of his most necessary needs, brushed his teeth and wiped his face down. A small elastic was produced from a drawer and he tied his hair back along the nap, pulling everything but his fringe out of the way.

He stood there, braced against the sink with straightened arms, head hanging between them. A few deep breaths helped to settle the pit threatening in his stomach. The anger of the previous night had been snuffed out. All that was left was weariness and an unhealthy mixed dose of depression and anxiety. He had absolutely no energy to deal with Waru. None. What he needed was to crawl back into the comfort and darkness of his bedroom. It was a safe bet to assume that such a manuver wouldn’t be acceptable and would result in some sort of comment or command. Perhaps both if he was oh-so-lucky. Already, he felt the chaffing of loosing what little freedom he had managed to create for himself. How quickly it was deemed he was unworthy of it.

Slipping out of the bathroom, Aelius looked forlornly at the darkened bedroom before heading back out into the living room. The couch was still in bed form, and Aelius seriously lacked any other sitting furniture for the small living space. So, he was forced to pull out one of the metal stools at the counter and plop himself on there, head propped up on a hand, elbow on the cool linoleum countertop. The counter acted as a barrier between himself and his uninvited squatter.

“So if I pretend you’re not here, you’ll eventually go away, is what you’re saying?” If his tone hadn’t been so flat, uncaring, the comment could have been taken as teasing. Instead, it was bland and held a heaviness to it that even Aelius wasn’t aware of.

What day was it anyway? Aelius mentally calculated before checking his phone that had been tucked into his sweat pants pocket. No appointments beyond evening class. Vaguely, he wondered if he’d even be allowed such a luxury anymore as attending class and going about his day as he normally would? Likely not. Why else would Waru be here but to strip his life back down to the bare essentials?

With hooded eyes, Aelius watched quietly as Waru cooked and did his thing. “What are you trying to accomplish by being here?” He finally questioned.

shiningamisgirl

 

[Shiningamisgirl]

Waru let the other asks sit unanswered, felt the words filter in and out; background noise to all his thoughts n feelings. Aelius' brief absence didn’t dredge up any more of an urge to hound the man than his sleeping in a separate room had. Waru wasn’t set to be up Aelius’s a** from the crack of dawn into dead of night.

He wasn’t set to leave the man alone either—giving space and up and leaving were entierly different things. If Aelius thought him getting ignored would make him go away? He was likely to find himself surprised. Just cause a person didn’t hold conversations with their fridge or their wall or the support beams in their ceiling didn’t make ‘em exist any less! It was a funny thought, one that had Waru smiling through the process of setting his egg into the hole he’d made in his toast, watching it crisp up, sprinkling it with cheese…

He found the smile stayed, even when Aelius joined him, all sphinx like with his questions phrased like riddles! What was he trying to accomplish by being here? He thought the answer obvious. Cause he was trying to accomplish whatever hadn’t been accomplished in his absence.

“Yanno Aelius—-S’common sense that if doing nothing gets nothing done? Then someone damned well better start doing something. I’ve done a whole lot of nothing where you’re concerned, and what I’m gonna start doing now? Is a helluva lotta something. Now the what! The ‘what’s’ kinda dependent on you, isn’t it?” Wordy as all hell, heedless of Aelius comfort in any measure of a thing. He didn’t expect the man to be comfortable, wasn’t gonna tie him to a chair and torture him that way, but if Aelius was gonna sit within ear shot then Waru was gonna make use of it!

“What you need—“ exploiting the brief chance at closeness even as he was plating up his own food. Going through the motions of making a second portion — if Aelius wasn’t hungry? Fine. Waru figured he could eat for two, or he could watch the man stab what was offered until it ended up a desecrated pile of future compost. “What you want—-How I can help you get those two ends met in the middle so you’re not hanging by them?” A shrug to signify a pause as he finished up Aelius half and slid it in front of his dour visage.

“Did I ever tell you how I ended up under Faustite?” and with the pan and its accompanying cookware parts deposited into soapy water he could turn to face Aelius properly. Could hunt down his eyes even while he, elbows parked on the counter top, hovered over his own breakfast. Looking halfway between wanting to dig in and *not*, because talking! Waru liked talking, could always be talking.

Kolina

 

[Kolina]

What I need and want is for you to leave. The thought slipped through his mind with ease, as he shifted his hand to rub at his mouth and eyes. This was too much for someone who had just woken up and would much prefer to still be lost in slumber. His brain was slow to rev up. Following the twisting trail of Waru’s words was exhausting and unhelpful with the pure lack of clarity of what Aelius was supposed to gain from them.

To add more misery, the woman spoke in such a way that spun poor Heliodor’s head. Never had he experienced such a speech pattern from a person before. At least not in a real life sort of situation. Intimidated though he was by those eyes practically boring into his soul, he could do nothing else but stare back as eyes wavered. His mind raced in an attempt to decipher and understand what it was that she wanted out of him. Why can’t she speak in words that actually make sense? I feel like she’s playing some sort of game when talking like this.

Helio visibly flinched from the memory and promptly shoved it back to the darkest recesses of his mind. He couldn’t deal with that now and not want to crawl into his own darkest corner. His tired brain, thankfully, complied, but the inkling of similarities to the past were like an annoying buzz of a fly that refused to truly leave him alone.

“I don’t care.” He said tiredly at the mention of how the man had met the love of his life. It was the last ******** thing Helio wanted or cared to hear about. A continued reminder of his inadequacy that pummeled his self-worth and confidence into the ground. Aelios was pretty damn sure both were solidly 6 feet under already. What was a couple more feet at that point. Make sure they were good and dead.

He shoved the plate of food that Waru had so kindly put together for him despite being told that breakfast was not in the cards. It never was. Aelius much preferred coffee and maybe something quick and light. A meal like what Waru had cobbled together was anything but appetizing. In fact, his stomach rolled at the sight and thought of eating it. That, of course, could also be attributed to the fact he’d not eaten or drank anything since before the meeting yesterday. But, who was keeping track? Aelius certainly wasn’t.

Divesting himself from the chair, the young man turned to the couch. Waru obviously had gone searching through the hall closet to find spare linens to make up the bed. Another tick of irritation slid through Aelius. Instead of stripping the bed though, he instead kept everything but the spare pillows and blankets on it before shoving it back into the couch, banished back to where it should have been in the first place. Cushions were thrown back on, and blankets dumped unceremoniously in the corner closest to the window. The pillows he let sit in a pile by the tv stand. “Just get out Waru. I don’t want you here. I don’t want to hear your illustrious stories about how you met Faustite, or how you came to be a part of the team or become….who you are. I don’t care right now. What I want is you gone and to be left the ******** alone right now.” He stared at the man from where he stood. Exhaustion and pure mental weariness curled his shoulders but a conviction in his tone and eyes fluttered there. “I don’t want to play games with you. I am tired of it. Tired of it all. If Faustite doesn’t want me anymore, fine. But, I damn well don’t need you looming over me to remind me of what I have lost.”

He turned then and grabbed the curtains that had been shoved open at some point. He pulled the drapes shut with a snap, blocking out the morning light and leaving only the light of the kitchen overhead as the only source of illumination.

shiningamisgirl

 

[Shiningamisgirl]

“Kay! —no games then, n i’mma rephrase what I said. I realize it’s confusing s**t the way I said it –” watching like a tiger chasing a laser dot, all his focus for Aelius’s form, his movements. Waru couldn’t help but roll his eyes at some point, the drama of it all, as if cleaning up after him would be the nail in the coffin final thing that’d get him to move on out and say that last ‘******** you, bye!’ that the other man so craved to hear. He lamented running his mouth for so long, realized that the person before him had blinders on, that bulldog with a bone tenacity, all his favorite parts of Aelius. Except for all the parts where he really, truly, honest to gods, didn’t know ******** or all about Aelius. There lay the rub, he got to meet the man in passing as ‘someone my husband desires’, got to meet Aelius injured – burnt, broken, bleeding, bruised on his bed. Knew those two people were very different then who he was looking at now.

No salve would fix this, no bandage, no night out for drinks where they only skirted all the landmines n red flags marking them in the soil. He understood this now, watching Aelius in his own home; shrunken and snarling like he’d been beaten instead of just yammered at too early in the morning.

All that harm invisible and bleeding out around the edges, what a ******** pain it was that he didn’t have a window to it! Not that that mattered either—hadn’t before–wouldn’t now. Waru told himself, with certainty, that he would find a work around.

“Cause the immediate thing you want? Can’t have it, gotta earn your ‘Get Outta Waru’s Locs’ free pass—especially since you already got to be alone, Aelius for such a long damn time. Everybody got to be alone, even Trey, and then?” Sucking runny yolk noisily off a thumb like some mannerless heathen of a beast, Waru barely even bothered to use the toast he’d made himself to sop it up off the plate. Ate his way through one – spoke between mouthfuls – watched as the apartment became dim, cloistered, shut away like Aelius had always felt to him at a distance. Except Waru had preferred the jealousy, the anger, the tickle of knives up his spine punctuated by the occasional break in the storm – half caught smiles and shared laughter – the sorts that could soothe him over for a long damn time.

He realized he’d better cherish those snippets, he wouldn’t be getting any more of ‘em for a long damn time.

“Then a person joins a team-–willingly, might I ********’ add, and then they get to deal with me as part n parcel of that. Cause if you think I’m just here as an extension of Faustite? M’not, only like, ten percent of this is him finally asking me to do the thing...The rest is me, bein a parasympathetic pain hound, hopin you come around—for your own self's sake–cause Faustite is King, sure! But ********, even I’m not hip-tied to him in my head the way you are; n headspace is a thing we’ve shared–sooo–yanno?” Maybe he was lying, was he lying? No, no, he loved faustite, that was the truth, loved him like air, like sunshine, like he was some all encompassing thing worthy of love! Waru just also loved himself that way too. He walked the Earth like he was worth a s**t and bled healthily for his enormous love of others, like he gave an even bigger s**t. This was his truth, no matter which way their colors ran, he cared! Cared as much as he could for each individual that crossed his path, but even more so for the ones who lingered in his line of sight.

Boy oh boy had Aelius lingered, languished, and ******** but Waru wanted a bond outta that – any kind of bond at all – but this? It felt so the opposite of any seed’s he’d hoped he’d ever planted—That was okay too though! One more challenge to chew over and Waru hoped that even if Aelius hated him, then he at least trusted him to do what was right by everyone, no matter what that came out to be.

“But if you’re tired? You can always go back n take a nap–you’ve got a whole room all to yourself! I’ll probably make coffee at some point, clean up the rest of this–you probably don’t care if I use your shower–or eat your food – if I use anything I want at all–since all you care about is whether or not you’re still Faustite’s?” sharpness on the tail end of it, whip chain barbs that Waru punctuated his words with while finishing up Aelius plate as well, lapping through cheese n thumbing up crumbs until the pair of nameless items were clean in front of him, more sinkbound washing that could wait a few more minutes.

“If it helps? Just think of my being here as a reassurance of that.”

Kolina

 

[Kolina]

He remained quiet through the whole tirade. Stood there like a man desperately lost in the world despite being in his own home. Because at the roost of it all, Aelius was desperately lost. Knew it too, but had no inkling to ask anyone else chance to offer him any aid. He wasn’t worth the risk or work. Not with the enormity of ******** that led him here. He had dug his grave. Deep. And all he could do at that point was keep anyone else falling in.

Waru’s words struck chords that frightened him. Gave him a promise of assistance, but Aelius couldn’t, wouldn’t, ask it of anyone. Not even his own damn self. Cause how could he ask, even want help, when he had lost all strength to help himself.

“I didn’t ask for any of this so” He spoke quietly. “Didn’t ask for you help whether you wanted to give it to me or not. Whether Faustite’s orders are the only thing that spurred you here. You don’t ******** get it. You, Faustite, no one.” His voice was low, the tint of anger coloring it.

“What part of me is worth this?” A gesture around the apartment. “You living here, forcing yourself to deal with me on every level?” He scoffed. “Nothing. I can’t do anything right Waru. Haven’t been able to do it from day one despite whatever efforts I make. Reminded of it day in and day out from that very first day I was recruited.” The word recruited held so much derision.

He finally moved from his spot by the now shuttered window. Gods how he wanted to take that invite. That promise of a nap, but it was surely just a trap. A way for Waru to lament the languishing of his new subordinate much like Aelius had heard in the past. No. He wasn’t about to do that. Old training wouldn’t allow it. Instead, he moved and grabbed the plate of food that Waru had put together for him and proceeded to walk around the counter, sidling past Waru to deposit the breakfast into the trash.

The space was so small. It lacked anywhere for Aelius to retreat to beyond his own bedroom and the bathroom. So, instead, he did the next best thing he could, much like when he’d argued with his own brother, Aelius turned to cleaning. The plate in his hand was met with a sponge that he quickly soaked in water and squeezed dish soap onto. It didn’t take much to clean, but he didn’t care. It meant he didn’t need to look at Waru.

“You don’t know s**t about what I need or want. Neither of you.” His voice, had simpered down to a softness that honestly, Aelius wasn’t even sure if Waru would have heard over the white-noise of the running facet water and clatter of dishes being cleaned. He’d moved on from the first dish to a pan. If Aelius was being true to himself, he wasn’t even sure what he wanted or needed anymore. So much had boiled down and honed in to Faustite. To the fact that he had his boy again that everything else had been shoved to the side. Again and again. Like he always did. Every piece of himself slowly stripped away so he could be rebuilt into…what?

A sorry excuse for a human being, let alone a man.

shiningamisgirl

 

[Shiningamisgirl]

“I guess I don’t get it, and maybe that’s not your fault? Could be it’s just me, being dense, thinking that it sounded a helluvalot like you were — idunno—screaming for help. Mostly because of all the quiet I got from you before, n during, n after all this time–” he drummed the words out in time to tapping his fingerprints on the countertop, before turning to watch Aelius clean. He wondered if the man would get the counters too, the stove, would go for the little bits of shell that had escaped Waru in his attempts at perfectly cracking anything at all. In fact? If cleaning was his thing, easier than to move just a little more outta the way, to find a place to set his back against so he could watch all the better, so he could sigh and scrub at his own face while wondering why it was everyone always blamed the squeaky wheels, when people had proven to him the opposite.

Loud things needing the grease n attention more, Waru found that to be a falsehood, found the reverse equally as true. The more quiet people got? The more distant they got? Usually–then–that was when things had gone south, when they were hurting the absolute most. Maybe it was everyone on the team who’d left n the way they’d done it, how all those people had seemed mature, and fine, like they’d done everything right all of the time. Only for them to vanish without a trace – to vanish and leave all the traces in the world – which was just as bad in his book, cause it wasn’t the leaving that hurt.

It was that they didn’t trust anyone enough to say they were leaving in the first place, like there was only one way things could go – like their hurts would just – be ignored, n trampled on, n shoved back in their faces. By anyone else, sure, he could see it, but by them? By Faustite? The most reasonable hot-tempered pepper of a man he’d ever met. Faustite who could blow up in an instant, but also deep, deep down cared so damn much about letting everyone feel included. Went out of his ******** way to get those bases covered.

If people had problems with the Negaverse? That was one thing, but for them to have problems with him n his own and not at least talk it out so those sorts of things could be managed better next time!?

“Maybe I’m being selfish, but m’allowed that too, right? M’allowed to like you around just because—but if you need reasons?” because he couldn’t let silences stand for long, even if the running water and shk-shk-shk of sponge was soothing to a degree in the compact space. Waru was mad, somewhat, at himself mostly, that he’d never been able to really give Aelius so much as a hug–that even for talking too–they hadn’t become those kinds of close n friendly. He could’ve explained Aelius didn’t ******** have to ask—it was on offer, burden free, price free! Because they were friends–because they were team—and he would’ve done it even if Faustite hadn’t asked once he’d clued the ******** into it needing to be done. Aelius didn’t care—or maybe it was just that it was him offering n he was the wrong person to be doing so?

“Then let’s find you reasons that work for you—so we can pave over that shitty ********’ narrative in your head with a better one. Cause I could sit here n tell you about all the good I see, how wonderfully devoted you are; even when you’re seven miles deep of pissed off person, how beautiful, n tolerant, n—but you wouldn’t believe it from me–you don’t want it from me. S’just a ********’ shame that you won’t give it to yourself either—-burnt out all your love on him, huh? Even the bits you shoulda reserved for yourself.…”

Kolina

 

[Kolina]

At the comment of screaming for help, the sound of the sponge scraping away at something stopped momentarily. Aelius grabbed the soap, renewed the suds, and began again.

As Waru moved Aelius’s shoulders relaxed a bit. The extra space was welcomed and Aelius couldn’t tell if Waru had done it on purpose or just wanted to keep his own distance right now. Not that it mattered in the moment for the breathing room it gave the anxious, exhausted man.

The pan was rinsed. He eyes Waru’s plate behind him but didn’t grab it. Let the man take care of it himself. Instead, he turned his attention to the shards of egg shell and the trails of egg whites across his counter and stove that marked how far the eggs had traveled to the pan. The glass stove top was still hot and steamed as he ran his sponge over it in a quick patterns. It would need to be gone over again when it was cool but for now, at least, he didn’t have to look at the mess.

“You can do whatever you want Waru. You’re going to do it anyway, aren’t you.” It was a self defeat acknowledgement. Waru was making it very damn clear that leaving wasn’t in the cards. Worst yet, he was tossing around positivity like Aelius warranted it. Deserved it. Funny, when he was sure he shouldn’t be lavished with anything. Returning to the sink, the sponge was rinsed under the water again, sudsing it back up before he turned to the silverware and utensils. They didn’t take long though. Not long enough for Aelius anyway and his need to just do than sit and have to look at Waru and listen to his prattling. At least while busy, he only had to listen.

He couldn’t stand to see any pity or hope in those dark eyes. Eyes that were like windows to Waru’s soul. The man was an open book, a book that Aelius wasn’t interested in touching.

Finally he rinsed the sponge out. Squeezing it tight within his fist to clean it to the best of his ability before plopping it into the little sponge rack that sat just behind the faucet. He leaned against the sink, arms braced against it’s edge, hips back. “Just…please. Stop.” His head hung a bit. “The little love I had left for me was long beaten out. I had to direct myself somewhere else. To someone else or completely lose all parts of who I was. I am not worthy of any damn praise, Waru. So please stop pretending.” He was exhausted.

A breath. Two. Aelius pushed away from the sink. He was reaching his threshold of this talk and of playing pretend. It hurt in a way he hadn’t expected or wanted. Praise was…praise felt wrong. Like lies on a serpent tongue.

shiningamisgirl

 

[Shiningamisgirl]

Yeah, I will -–

He would because he always had, and nothing and no one would change that one singular truth about him. Waru acknowledged he was willful at his core, wantonly so. It was as tough for him to make hardline boundaries for himself let alone recognize them clearly in others. At least not when they were so vague n mixed in messages: the hot thing needing to be touched, but flinching from it. Aelius being worthy of love, but feeling undeserving of it for – whatever ******** trespasses or transgressions he thought he’d done? Waru didn’t know, lacked depth of knowledge, lacked facts, lacked anything at all that he couldn’t read on Aelius body or hadn’t been given hints for in speaking with people who knew him…

Which – there were two exact people on the earth who knew the man and Waru would’ve rather learned about Aelius from Aelius at this point. Wanted something cleaner, less blurred by emotions, or love, or familial loyalty. Less marred up n made messy by a past he was worried to poke at.

He was gonna have to poke at it though, wasn’t he? It was going to suck—wasn't it? For everyone involved, but mostly…

Mostly for Aelius n Faustite.

“Aelius—go back to bed,” he let the words fall like the order he felt they needed to be. At this point suggestions weren’t getting him anywhere, soft talks and kind words–niceties–they weren't gonna get him anywhere either. It’d been the same with Faustite. In so many ways it was still the same with his husband, the difference for them had been time, love, and the way their relationship had developed between those two things. Fundamentally the two men were different n Waru huffed for knowing he’d need to learn to navigate this fresh maze of a person in entirely new ways.

Aelius n all his harm and traversing it differently—-he lamented the amount of time it’d take for all that he wanted him better, right here, right now.

“Cause if I can do what I want—” a hint of slyness as he let himself reclaim the space of the kitchen, slide back up behind Aelius in order to fetch his own plate and eye the sink like it owed him money — sudsy sponge shaped money, “and m’glad we’re both clear that I will do what I want! Then there's no reason you shouldn’t get a little extra shut eye, yeah? S’safe to say it’s probably a good thing to do, a smart thing to do. For both our sakes, cause otherwise? I’mma need to stand here, n launch into a whole ********’ song n dance about all the ways I’m not smart enough to play pretend at anything-–they couldn’t pay me enough to do it. Which’s besides the point cause no one’s paying me at ******** all! Not even in sex, can you believe it?” sounding put out, hamming the facts up, giving Aelius an easy exit stage left. Because if Aelius stayed in plain sight–Waru knew he would push on him, would press on the button that was absolutely glowing red with warning, the one thing in the room labeled ‘do not touch’ and Waru didn’t know how much longer he could restrain himself from touching it.

He didn’t know if Aelius was strong enough at that moment to handle him hammering away on the hot topics without provocation. All the ways he wanted to know who beat what, where, when, and why — to know who he should be hurting for having done it. The fear of imagining that it was Faustite, and the absolute rabbit hole that would lead him down if he had to try and untangle that on top of them being exhausted.

shiningamisgirl

 

[Kolina]

He stiffened at the obvious order.Fine. What else was he supposed to accomplish anyway by being out here? He had nothing pressing to do and crawling back into bed was exactly what he wanted. What both his mind and body practically screamed at him to do. The weariness of all of the explosive emotions and heavy depression was more than enough to run him ragged.

Plus, if Waru was making it an order, then that meant it couldn’t be used against him.

Aelius slipped past the man, avoiding contact as he escaped the cramped kitchen. A kitchen, up until then, that hadn’t once felt cramped. The whole apartment felt smaller for the other man’s presence. He didn’t like it. But, again, none of this was about what he liked. That was being made crystal clear with each word Waru uttered.

Pausing with a hand on the corner that would lead into the small hallway, Aelius glanced back at Waru as the man continued on. Felt the need to elaborate and avoid the pressing of silence that Aelius had grown so accustomed too while living alone. The joke fell flat for Aelius. It was like Waru couldn’t or refused to read the room. Maybe it was for his own personal entertainment? Aelius didn’t know. Didn’t care to. “Woe is you.” He remarked cooly. Those golden eyes stared a moment at the man moving to tackle the remaining dish, before Aelius finally retreated into the hallway and the darkness of his room with a soft click of his door.

The young man wasted no time in crawling back into bed. Blankets were drawn up and over his body and head as he buried his face in the pillows. The soft clatter of items being moved around or put away could be heard through the wall of his room. He hadn’t noticed it when first waking up, but now it seemed so obvious. So…loud. With a groan, a spare pillow was grabbed and pulled tightly over his head to drown out the noise. To try and forget that things were changing again. To let him fall into the darkness of sleep that would free him from the misery he’d well placed himself in.