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 Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 9:08 pm
The walk back to the Hall was easier than the walk to the forest. Significantly easier than going into that cave. Easier than facing the Chaos head on. Being tricked by it. Taunted by it.
Sessrumnir was careful as he held Alastor’s hand as they walked down the bank of the river. Every so often he would glance over at Alastor to make sure he was okay, and give him a reassuring smile, and the gentlest of squeezes for his hand.
He looked like he was finally free of a burden that had been plaguing him for a thousand years, but also like he didn’t quite know what to do with himself, now. Obviously clean up Alastor, but getting rid of the Chaos had been his priority for so long. It would take some time for him to get used to things being different.
They knew they were going in the right direction because, well, Sessrumnir had a better sense of direction than Alastor and knew that they needed to head downstream. But also because the little lights of energy flitted around them, leading them back.
The cave system must have tunneled deep and away from the Hall, because even with being washed downstream, it was still several minutes before they could see the black wall that surrounded the Hall.
But much more noticeable than the wall, or even the Hall that rose up inside of it, was the glowing lights that seemed to be coming from the large, leafless black oak in the field on the other side of the north wall. The tree itself seemed to be glowing, as if beckoning them back.
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 9:17 pm
Alastor was all too eager to get out of the forest. It was wet and muddy, the rocks were slippery, and he was tired of all of this water. The river seemed to have calmed somewhat, but he could still hear the loud echo of it rushing. It sounded like a waterfall, which ordinarily wouldn’t have been unpleasant, but he felt like there was still water in his lungs.
He’d revisit the forest, just. Later.
More than getting out of the forest, he wanted to get to the Hall.
Certainly, a large part of him wanted to see how everyone was doing there; he wanted to survey the damage so he could start making a plan for how to proceed.
Another large part of him just wanted to see it.
The canopy of leaves blocked out much of the light, but as they broke through the treeline of the forest, he could see the sky–still cloudy, but clearing up. A few rays of sunlight–bright and orange, from the rising sun–passed through. The Hall was still wet, but the sleek black onyx and the faded gold caught the light with such intensity that it looked like it was glowing.
The fireflies helped that illusion. Alastor didn’t know what else to call them; they were an artificial light born of his world. They didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, didn’t even really seem to respond within the laws of physics. They bobbed up and down with no need for an air current. They moved around some objects, moved through others. They were energy, raw and pure.
His world seemed like it was celebrating.
At least, that’s what he hoped. He wanted to think that the Chaos gone meant that his world was rejuvenated and was reclaiming all that it had taken. He wanted to think this was a sign of his world purifying itself, rejuvenating itself.
It didn’t feel like it was in its last throes of life, trying to give a beautiful goodbye–it felt alive.
Nowhere more so than the black oak. He could see it above the wall, even while they were still far away from the gate.
Like the Hall, it caught the light, too. Or, maybe it was making its own. The cluster of fireflies was gathered in far greater numbers around the tree, and Alastor’s expression softened when he noticed this. He’d kept a good pace with Sessrumnir as they marched through the forest, and though fatigue weighed on him, it had not slowed him down.
But, this stopped him. His grip tightened on Sessrumnir’s hand, not painfully, but in a silent need for the reassurance of his touch.
“...Did I ever tell you about that tree? It’s from Sessrumnir. Well, the acorn is. I planted it myself. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 9:24 pm
When Alastor stopped, Sessrumnir stopped as well. He wanted to make sure his family and his friends were okay. To make sure Amarynthos and Ephesus were okay. His brothers. Palatine and Ganymede and Varuna. Cybele, Soleiyu, Lucasta, and all of their friends that he was not as familiar with.
But Alastor taking his time to refamiliarize himself with his World, now free of Chaos, was important as well. Sessrumnir wouldn’t rush him, nor would he do anything to make Alastor think that he should figure things out later.
“If you did, it might have been in passing. I don’t remember,” he admitted. But then again, he also felt like he knew more than he should about some things. If he just ignored anything he thought he might or might not know, it was easier to hear things again than try to sort through if it was his memories telling him, or Devyn.
For the tree, it seemed to make sense that it was from Sessrumnir. It looked a little different from the great oak inside the atrium at Sessrumnir, but it might have been because it adapted to Alastor as it grew.
“It is,” he agreed, because it was beautiful with the way it glowed with the lights. “I bet it looks even better with leaves. That’s the tree that broke through to the Core, isn’t it?” he asked, because something about that felt familiar, too.
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 9:26 pm
He flashed a little smile, but there was a bit of sadness in it. He still seemed like he was in a good mood, but he was sorting through a lot. Better to process it than to bury it away for later, though. “Yeah, it is. Good, strong roots. Grew down, right around the Core. Almost like it was aiming for it. You know, I’ve never seen these lights outside of the Core? Maybe they’re coming up through the tree.”
He was quiet, not because he didn’t have words, but because he had too many.
Alastor lingered for only a few seconds more before he trudged onwards. He kept Michael’s hand, though.
“I found the acorn on Sessrumnir with Perce. I wanted to plant it somewhere special. I carried it for years. I wanted to find the perfect place for it. I don’t know, in hindsight maybe it sounds a little silly. I wasn’t thinking clearly when Perce passed. But, I wanted him to keep a piece of Sessrumnir with him, too. I was selfish, I didn’t take him home when he passed. I couldn’t let go of him. So I planted the acorn over his grave. And the Core, but I didn’t know that at the time.”
He hadn’t been thinking about it, he just went where his feet took him.
“It’s grown, big and strong. It’s the most impressive tree in all of Alastor,” he decided, and even if he used to know his world well, now it was very different than he’d once known. “A part of me hoped that it would give me some acorns of its own. I wanted to plant them everywhere. You know, give Perce a chance to see everything we didn’t get to together. But it hasn’t given me any. Never any leaves, even. But I can’t blame it. All this wind and rain, it’s probably right at home at Alastor, but this world hasn’t been friendly for a while. Maybe now it’ll have a chance.”
He glanced at Sessrumnir out of the corner of his eye, because he’d said he could talk about Percy, but Alastor wanted to make sure. He rubbed the back of his hand reassuringly, just in case.
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 9:32 pm
“I don’t think it sounds silly,” Sessrumnir promised. He tried not to squeeze Alastor’s hand, not knowing how damaged it was, so he rubbed his thumb along the back of it instead.
“It sounds like something Percy would have appreciated. I know he was close to Sessrumnir, but I think it was pretty obvious that he loved Alastor, too. I don’t know. Maybe he got the best of both worlds. And he got to stay with you, which is also probably what he wanted,” he said quietly, not wanting to dampen the mood.
Except there were so many thoughts in his head. So many things the Chaos impersonating Percy had said to him that tugged at his heart.
He knew that, perhaps, this wasn’t the best time to discuss anything that could upset Devyn. They were supposed to be checking on everyone else. Maybe once they did that, got some rest, and then had time to settle that it would be better to talk then.
But at the same time, it would mean those thoughts and questions would sit in his head and fester and dig deeper into him.
Michael was used to suffering silently. He didn’t want to burden others with his problems. If something was important, then it was better that someone else brought it up.
But with Devyn, was it more fair to him to give him a little longer of peace before bringing up topics that could upset him, or would it upset him to know that Michael let himself suffer for Devyn’s sake?
“What happened? With Percy…” he asked before he could talk himself out of it. Of course, if Devyn decided it wasn’t the time, then… Sessrumnir probably wasn’t going to fight it.
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 9:41 pm
Alastor didn’t stop walking this time, but the effect of the words was visible enough. His expression fell somewhat, and his grip on Sessrumnir’s hand lessened. It wasn’t that he wanted to pull away. He wanted to give Michael the opportunity to do so if he wanted.
He didn’t know if being here stirred some memories in the starseed he and Percy shared, and while it might have been in Devyn’s nature to avoid the truth if he thought it was only going to hurt someone, he didn’t lie.
Wouldn’t lie, not to Michael. Not about something like that.
But, it was a topic he hadn’t really talked about. Probably, ever.
Even back when Percy had first passed, there was an understanding of what happened. Those who knew knew. Those who didn’t had no reason to.
“He was protecting me and got hurt. Badly hurt. In a way we couldn’t heal. And we tried everything. But.” A silence hung in the air. He didn't seem like he had it in him to appreciate the newfound glow of his world right now. “There was something on the blade, something that just kept eating away at him from the inside out. It was killing him. Slowly. Painfully. Needles in the blood type of pain, you know. And once we realized we couldn’t save him, we realized he wasn’t going to go easy.” He kept his eyes ahead of him, sometimes on the ground, sometimes on the tree.
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 9:46 pm
Sessrumnir had no intention of letting go, and indicated as such by holding his hand a little tighter to make up for the slack of Alastor’s hand. He knew it was hard to talk about. He knew Devyn probably didn’t even want to think about it.
He frowned as Devyn explained what happened. But he knew that wasn’t the end of the story.
It didn’t take them long to reach the West Gate that led inside the walls surrounding the Hall of the Ancients, as well as the field where the tree had been planted.
Where Percy had been buried.
“When was the last time you stopped by to visit him?” Sessrumnir asked, gently tugging Alastor’s hand so that he would turn to their left, instead of heading into the Hall.
It looked like there had been some kind of battle that took place there. The muddy ground had been torn up, but it seemed as though everyone had already made their way inside.
They had time. They hadn’t received any messages of anyone being seriously hurt. After everything, Sessrumnir thought that Alastor could afford to take a few minutes to reflect on how his World was starting to heal.
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 9:57 pm
The Hall was a bit worse for wear, but it still stood tall and proud. Alastor gave it a quick look over, as much habit as it was refreshed concern for it. Overall, it looked like it had been well-defended, and he felt himself breathe a little easier just to see it in one piece.
He let himself be led towards the tree, but a part of him wanted to say that they could do this later, that they should check in on everyone else first. It was a guilty conscience, first and foremost, and a bit of nerves after that.
“I visit more now than I was. For a while it was hard to come by here. In the first few years after I lost him, I was here regularly. Sometimes I used to sleep out here,” he shrugged. He knew he didn’t have to explain himself to Michael. “When I started losing everyone, when it was just me, I visited less. It was easier to lie to myself. I don’t know if I could have made it this long if I didn’t think I had something to look forward to. But I guess one night I dreamed that he was still on Sessrumnir and I just had to find my way back to him, and I woke up and decided I didn’t need to remember anything else.”
He exhaled, because it sounded ridiculous to say, but.
“It led me to you, though. So I don’t think that’s bad at all. No matter what I put myself through by doing it. But I am sorry for all the hardship I gave you. I’ve been busy though, trying to get everything set up. I didn’t want the shadows to know what I was doing, so I haven’t gotten to spend as much time out here with him as I wanted to. Do you want to see? There’s not a grave marker anymore. I mean, I suppose the tree is. But I can’t even remember what happened to the stone we put up.”
He was quiet for a moment and then said, “I suppose some memories are still buried. They’ll pop back up if I need them, I’m sure.”
He’d appreciate if the worst of them stayed down, though.
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 10:06 pm
Sessrumnir thought he could tell what Alastor was thinking by the way he was somewhat hesitant to be led. They both wanted to check on the others, and Sessrumnir was aware that they could do this later…
But when was ‘later’ going to be? Would they even have time to do anything after they checked on the others? The boys would probably want to stay with them. So the next time they went to Alastor, it would likely be with them, and they’d have to keep an eye on them. Even without Chaos, not knowing what the weather would be like meant being extra careful.
“You didn’t give me any hardship, Devyn,” Sessrumnir promised, not sure how Devyn thought he could blame himself for what Michael went through. Anything he did for Devyn, it was sincere without any wish for repayment.
“If that’s okay?” he hummed, still holding Devyn’s hand as they approached the tree. He wanted to see the tree itself, and the lights that came from it. It reminded him very much of the Core.
“I’m sorry you lost him in such a horrible way. I’m guessing that’s why you had to help make it easier for him,” he said quietly, glancing over at Devyn, hoping he wouldn’t get too upset about bringing things up. “Percy… the Chaos… tried convincing me you’d kill me, too.”
He paused for another moment and then quietly asked, “Did he know the tea was poisoned?”
The Chaos didn’t say it was poisoned, but the implication leaned pretty heavily in that direction.
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 10:18 pm
The thoughts left Alastor’s head in the same way that the breath left his lungs. His fingers twitched in Sessrumnir’s hand and for all the skill he had about lying when he needed to, he tapped into none of it.
It was a raw, honest response, partly because Michael deserved it, and partly because he was completely unprepared for it.
In his heart, he’d known the question was coming. If not now, then soon. He just hadn’t expected it to be worded like that.
So, it took him a moment to answer. His eyes sunk to the ground again, like he shouldn’t be able to look at the tree or anywhere else while answering.
The golden lights bobbed in the air around them, and the light seemed to course through the tree itself as they stood before it.
Alastor was never tempted to look up at it.
“I don’t know,” he answered, because he didn’t know, with certainty. That memory existed in his mind, but it was laced with broken glass. He never drifted too far into it.
“He never said. We sat and talked while we had our tea. His vision was gone by then. He was sick, I don’t think he ever tasted it. But he trusted me. I didn’t want to scare him. He had hope, his whole life. I didn’t want to take that from him. I made a lot of promises. I said it was going to be okay. I said we’d figure something out. But he was smart, smarter than me. Maybe he knew.”
Alastor looked tired again, more now than he had before. His eyes were glassy and half closed. His jaw was set into a frown, and his voice had lost a bit of volume.
“I don’t know. I didn’t want him to suffer. Everyone said he was going to. I knew it had started, though. And I know he tried to hide it from me. He always said he trusted me.”
Speaking was hard, and he often paused to work through his words.
“...We never found a cure, so. I don’t think it was the wrong decision. It was just hard. I asked everyone, though. We had our best doctors, we went to every medical professional we could reach, on my world, and off. I even asked Cosmos. But she couldn’t make time.”
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 10:24 pm
Sessrumnir didn’t know if it was cruel of him to bring something like that up, right after Alastor had defeated the Chaos on his world.
But Chaos wasn’t the only demon trying to drag him down. Michael knew very well how memories could be a prison, could rot and fester and eat a person alive. By the sound of Devyn’s voice, Michael suspected that these memories were still festering. And it seemed as though Devyn had never forgiven himself for what happened, and carried resentment for the lack of answers and help he received.
Asking Cosmos…? The desperation Devyn must have been crushed under… Michael could only imagine. But even Michael knew that Cosmos dealt with the Cauldron. She guarded it and made sure starseeds were able to be reborn. Saving Percy from an insurable injury…? Well, Cosmos’ full range of powers were unknown, but she was also one person.
Gently, Sessrumnir moved Devyn’s hand so he could place it around his waist, and then let go so he could wrap both of his arms around Devyn’s shoulders and pull him close to hug.
He felt bad, of course. He knew how difficult it was for Devyn to talk about. He didn’t need the orb, he could see it in his expression and hear it in his voice. But now he knew, and now any other Chaos that tried taking Percy’s form to trick him wouldn’t be able to.
“He trusted you. He loved you. And I think he was prepared to die when he tried protecting you. But I understand better why you didn’t want me risking myself for you, now. I promised I wouldn’t, but if Percy was as smart as you think he was, then he must have known that if you’d been injured, you would have died.”
Sessrumnir had no right to get emotional at that moment, but he had to draw in a shaky breath before saying anything else.
“And I wouldn’t have gotten to meet you, if you had.”
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 10:51 pm
The extra support and the kind words were appreciated, and Alastor didn’t have to say anything for this to be obvious. There was a split second where he thought that Sessrumnir might pull away. Maybe, in his heart, he knew that wasn’t the case.
He gave him the chance to move before he let himself get upset.
Alastor wanted the embrace, though. Wanted the reassurance. Even if he was still grappling with the idea that he should be allowed to have any. Even if it was the right choice, it wasn’t an easy one. It was one that haunted him, even now.
Even if he brought him to Michael.
That was the only part of it that he didn’t regret.
“You’re probably right,” he admitted. He heard the emotion in Michael’s voice, so he just wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close so he could rest his chin on his shoulder while he held him. “I know he’d have died to keep me safe. I just wish it hadn’t happened like that. I wish a lot of things had been different. But he did save me. And I think, in some ways, he must have saved Alastor, too.”
He looked at the great tree, and for as dark as its bark was, as charred as it looked, he felt the energy from it. He knew how alive it was. How much power it held.
It was connected to his Core, after all. He looked at the tree and he saw Percy, because in his heart he’d always considered it Percy’s tree.
“...Sometimes I think, if it had been me, maybe I could have fought it off. I mean, I was stronger than Perce. Physically. I was used to poison, I was used to putting myself through all sorts of hardships. I was used to almost dying. I thought, you know, maybe I could have pulled through.” He shrugged. It didn’t matter if he could or couldn’t, they’d never know. It was just a way to drag himself through the fire still. “...Just be careful, Michael. I’m not asking you to never stick your neck out for me, just be careful. What happened to Perce,” he shook his head. “I don’t think I’ll ever be completely over it. I don’t want to find out if I can do it again.”
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 10:55 pm
“I’m always careful,” he hummed, but rubbed Alastor’s back reassuringly. “I won’t put you through that again. Not if I can help it,” Sessrumnir promised, and turned his head so he could press a kiss to the side of Alastor’s face.
He was still getting used to the idea of showing more affection being okay. Devyn knew how he felt, and Michael knew how Devyn felt. His heart felt lighter, and maybe because of that, Michael thought that now had been the right time to talk to Devyn about Percy.
“Unlike you,” he added after a moment, and let out a slightly exasperated sigh. “Do you know what that word even means? Careful?”
Sessrumnir was just teasing gently. There was still a heavy tension he could feel, and he suspected it was the weight of Alastor’s heart. He just hoped that some day he could help him feel lighter as well.
He took a moment to look up at the tree as well and, as if being drawn to it, moved one arm from around Devyn so he could reach out and touch the trunk.
“You might be right,” Sessrumnir frowned, although he knew it was a lot more complicated than that. “If you didn’t have a reason to plant that acorn, this tree would have never grown.”
And it wouldn’t have surrounded the Core, protecting it when Devyn couldn’t, for whatever reason.
“There’s something about this world that feels… so familiar to me, and yet I’ve never been here,” he admitted, still looking up at the tree, but he went back to putting his arms around Devyn so he could rub at his back. “I know you’ve heard me say things I shouldn’t have known. It’s… a little overwhelming. Percy really loved being here.”
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 10:58 pm
A muscle in his jaw clenched, but it wasn’t in anger or frustration. He didn’t really know the emotion, it was just powerful. Maybe it was a lot of emotions, all at once. He just knew that he didn’t feel bad about it.
“Well, your starseed has been here before,” he reminded. “So a part of you has been here. There are a lot of memories here.” Percy’s, but. Devyn felt some relief that–at least in that sense–they weren’t gone.
He leaned back into Sessrumnir’s arms, and even if he knew they’d have to go back inside in a minute, he wanted to take this time to just breathe. To just relax. To let it all soak in.
He had a lot of emotions swimming inside of him and he wasn’t sure how to sort through them all.
Bits and pieces worked into place, but there was still a lot to deal with. The golden fireflies continued bobbing around them, but more than a few drifted to Sessrumnir. They hovered nearby, like they liked him. It made Alastor smile, and he rested against him a bit more.
“We’ll make a lot more.” He hooked his arm around Sessrumnir’s back so he could pull him close, and he rested his hand on his waist as he relaxed. “We can squeeze in a lot of adventuring out here. I’ll steal you away from the city, we can go camping out here sometimes if you want. I’ll pretend to be careful,” he promised, managing a half smile and a quick look from the corner of his eyes. “Sometimes, I think a little of Percy slips through the cracks with you. It makes me smile. It must be strange, though. I used to have memories of my previous life. I hated it, though. I always got sick afterwards. I hope it’s not the same for you.”
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 11:06 pm
“I don’t even need memories to know that Percy must have nagged you about never being careful,” Sessrumnir let out a sigh, a bit more dramatic than necessary, but he gave Alastor a gentle squeeze to make sure he knew he was just teasing. Mostly. He was worried about Alastor not being careful.
“I haven’t felt sick from any memories yet, but I don’t think I’ve had too many. A lot of times it’s just… feelings,” he tried to explain, but then frowned.
“My feelings are my own,” he insisted, suddenly concerned that Alastor might think he was just channeling Percy’s feelings for him. Or at least… Michael didn’t think he was just adopting Percy’s feelings. That didn’t seem fair to Devyn.
“It’s like… I don’t know. Like a mirror. I think.” His head hurt from trying to sort it out, but he hoped Alastor didn’t mind that he couldn’t describe why he knew he loved him, or how he knew it wasn’t just Percy’s feelings.
“You can steal me away whenever you want. As long as it’s not a school night,” he amended, because he was still trying to be responsible, especially with Atticus and Elliot in high school now. “I think I’d like that.”
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