Welcome to Gaia! ::

It all does seem a bit daunting, especially with your first! I remember being quite afraid of things...worrying myself about how this would all work, but even though it seemed like things wouldn't go right, it all ended up working out.

The things I personally wish I knew with my first is:

1. To be careful of pregnancy providers. You've got your OB/GYN's and such and then you've got midwives and other more alternative options. I chose to go with a woman that was a midwife and had her own birth clinic. I'm not saying all midwives are horrible or bad, there are some lovely ones out there. If you choose to go that route, try to find a nurse midwife that has hospital priveleges or works in a well-known birthing center. The women I chose...there were so many red flags that I missed because I was so focused on being "natural" and all of that. It was a horrible mistake, and things would've been different had I gone with a nurse midwife (we had one in town, I just didn't know about her), but she is supposedly really good.

2. Also, a lot of medicaid programs cover all the labor and delivery costs - even if you don't think you'll qualify , it's always worth it to apply because you'll have more money to take care of baby to start with.

3. With baby, bonding time is awesome and beneficial for you both. When your child gets old enough to sit up and play on their own, foster independence. While sitting in the room with them, allow them to play with toys on their own.

With my first, I felt like I had to involve myself with every little toy, every little game, and show her her other fascinating toys, too. We would wake up in the morning at the same time, get all ready for the day together, I would make breakfast for us, we'd sit and eat together, we would go for a walk or play at the playground, we'd come back, take a nap together, and then wake up and I'd soon make dinner. She didn't like me sitting on the couch. She would pull my hand and say, "Mom! Get up! Do some dishes!" or, "Go do the laundry!" or, "Cook something!" She didn't like me even sitting down and watching her play. In the end, she didn't want me to leave the room at all. This is normal to a point because they're still learning their independence, but from what I've seen it makes a difference later.

My oldest is now 6 and she still wants me with her while she does almost everything. "Mom, color with me!" "Mom, let's play tag!" "Mom, I want to cook with you!" she's at a point where my husband will let me take a nap while he watches the kids, but she'll be back bothering me to get up and play and won't want me to sleep. She's a big attention seeker. If she can lie to get attention, she'll do it. If someone else tucks her into bed but me, she's supremely upset.

I love my kids, I just know that with my first, I need to now spend more time fostering independence and keep her going on that as she's comfortable.

Now, my second child...who obviously didn't have the luxury of mom focusing 100% of her attention because I had to learn to juggle two kids and one that loved to steal the spotlight from her sister, she grew up much more independent. My second child is 3 and she plays toys by herself, and she MUST have her alone time. If she doesn't, she's ultimately cranky. She has her own games where she has everything organized the way she likes and Heaven forbid if anyone and I mean...anyone touches it xd

I remember telling my husband, "Go play with her. I'm sure she'd love some Daddy attention." My husband goes over there, "Sweetie, can I play with you?" And she flat out said, "No, I play by myself." lol.

If you prevent them from gaining some independence, there will be problems.

4. A piece of good advice is to sleep when baby does...always. Chores can wait, they'll still be there when you wake up. I had heard that advice, but ignored it a lot of times. Don't! Sleep is worth more than a clean sink!

5. I wish I would've known how valuable it would've been to have others as support during that time. I found myself having been in a strange relationship with my parents - I had pushed them away more than anything with my choices and my husband was working longer hours than ever during that time. It was so lonely. I wish I would've been better at reaching out to my folks, my friends, and other family members because it was awfully lonely.

6. I wish I would've known to bring baby mitts with me to the hospital. When my first was born, she scratched her face a few times and they gave her some. When I was in a hospital in a whole different city with my second, I wasn't thinking much of it, but she clawed the living daylights out of her face with those sharp baby nails. They didn't clip her baby nails and I didn't have baby nail clippers with me. She kept scratching herself, but they didn't give us anything to help with that. I think my husband and I eventually put some baby socks on her hands because it was so bad.

7. I wish I would've known with my first to have the baby seat adjusted before we're getting out to the car with baby. Alway shave the car seat ready and around the smallest or second smallest setting. I remember my husband having to ajust the seat for baby and that takes a while, but the hospital was all asking us for proof of a car seat and made him walk into the hospital with the car seat like...o_O okay? With our second, the nurse checked if there was a baby seat down at the car before she walked away.

8. I also wish I would've known to have the crib and everything set up before getting to the hospital. I was in no shape to put it together while pregnant and my husband was working such long hours that there it sat in the box. We get home, and we have a crib not set up. It took him a while to get it done, but it would've saved a lot of agony had we gotten that done sooner.

9. I also wish I would've known to make sure to have a big ol' bottle of ibuprofen, tylenol....something. With my first, I felt like I needed it much more than with my second.

10. I wish I would've known how not embarrassed I should've felt in the hospital while giving birth. The nurses and doctors there have seen it all before, not much is strange or alien to them, and a lot of times they are more calm and down to earth than you are. Don't be afraid about not being able to control a bowel movement in birth or anything like that, most medical professionals are super quick to clean it up and won't judge you over it. To be honest, you'll probably be thinking about so many other things that you might not care so much, either, or you wouldn't know unless they pointed it out to you.

With my first - it wasn't a textbook birth, and things just happened with that and I was exhausted.

With my second - it went right by the textbook. Everything was going as it should, but here I was flippin' out because my water broke. I wasn't used to that sensation at all because it happened so differently than with my first. The nurse was all trying to calm me down saying, "That's normal. It's okay."

11. As far as hospital pain relief, I don't know if all hospitals offer nitrous oxide/laughing gas for pain relief, but I wish I would've known to ask for it with my first (but they might not have had it at that hospital). It was closest to natural pain relief that I was happy enough with. I was all alert when baby was born since laughing gas wears off quite quickly while not in use.

That's what I can think of for now 3nodding

You're welcome 3nodding

I understand that. Some people have what they call a "baby moon" these days - things to get done before baby is born razz

I think before our first child was born, we spent an awful lot of time at the movie theater lol. xd

Although, even with two kids now - if they decide to nap at the same time (highly unlikely) or whenever they go to bed, I can usually jump on the computer, play some video games, do some crafts, etc. for a little bit. Sometimes I can get away with more arts and crafts if I find a way to get them involved. These days sometimes they'd rather watch a movie so I might jump online for a little bit while I'm in the same room with them. It works out some how razz

Don't ever worry about being a good mother. After all, a terrible mother would never worry about such a thing. 3nodding

I'm sorry to hear that work still sounds forgiving.

It's understandable to worry about baby's health at this point. Although, it's also amazing how strong of a barrier that all that amniotic fluid is, too. Mama's body has some good armor when it comes to protecting baby.

Lack of experience with babies probably isn't the worst thing ever. Before my first child, the most experience I ever had was taking a babysitting course and watching some kids with my mom, but it was for a short time and I didn't have a whole lot of experience with diaper changes and such. Most of what I had knew had been learning from seeing others parent. Hospital staff was a great help, though. They offer so much useful advice and resources.

I've heard of people getting a puppy or a kitten to grow up with baby and sometimes it ends up so sweet. I personally know I wouldn't have the energy for it. Gotta take in mind if you'll have the energy to take care of a puppy and a baby. We had two cats when our first baby was born, and we had these cats for many years. I felt so terrible for them after bringing baby home. I would be sleeping every chance baby was and there were times I had forgotten to feed them because I was so tired. We'd shut them out of the bedroom when we were all sleeping and they'd sit out there and meow from time to time. These were much older cats that were great on their own for longer periods of time because they had each other, but it wiped me out taking care of their needs and the baby's.

When our kids were 2 and 5, we decided to get two puppies. My husband wanted two puppies because he hated separating siblings (he has had dogs that have had puppies and dogs that were siblings in the past and much preferred it), but my husband was going to be working. We should've gotten one puppy, but it didn't seem like this was going to fly with him. So, we got two. The kids were super excited, a little too excited perhaps. My husband was at work and I was stuck with two kids (one was in diapers, the other potty-trained) and two puppies (both not potty trained).

Let's just say after 1-2 days, I totally broke. My oldest would get the puppies out of their pen when they were supposed to be healing from being fixed so she could run around the house with them. They would whine all night and my oldest would start crying. My oldest became jealous that she felt the puppies were getting more attention than she was. I couldn't do it all. I remember talking to one of my married friends that doesn't have kids, but is a dog lover and she was begging and pleading for me not to take them back and that it gets better. It didn't help. I feel so guilty to this day because my husband doesn't like to talk about dogs anymore because it reminds him of the puppies we took back. He was so upset, said it wasn't fair, cried when we took them back, and he was mad at me...I felt like a complete failure, but at least I felt like I could manage the kids.

We tried the pet thing later and got one kitten. The urge to get both siblings was great, but we told ourselves we shouldn't. Although, cats are often more independent and potty training isn't exactly required, we didn't want to end up in a similar mess. Although, the kids aren't always nice to the cat...it is hard to teach small children to be nice to animals. They like to grab tails, smack their face, push them around, all without realizing the consequences. I remember trying to teach my oldest when she was a baby not to pull the cat's tail or her ears, no trying to climb on her back for a free ride, and not to sit on her, etc. etc. at least that cat was more tolerant - I can imagine some wouldn't be. Needless to say, we aren't getting another pet until they are much much older and know how to treat animals nicely.

Since your husband is newer to this, it's going to be a big learning curve for him, but he'll probably get it. So rare is the man that has too much testosterone to not hold his own baby.

It's nice not knowing the gender sometimes razz my husband and I never knew the gender of both of our babies before they were born. We loved driving our families absolutely crazy. Everyone would be asking, "Boy or girl?!" and we'd say, "We don't know." Some people liked that, some people expressed their frustrations, and some were downright angry and said, "I can't buy you a gift if I don't know!" I guess some people have never heard of gender neutral colors or things that baby needs that don't matter on gender like blankets, burp cloths, and such. It's just silly how some people act about it xp

What my husband and I would do was have two lists - a boy name list and a girl name list. We'd both make our own list to start and then we'd share. We would see if we had any names in common, what names we definitely did not agree on, and what names we liked a lot.

In the end, we would write the names down on a piece of paper. "If we have a boy, their name will be _____________," and, "If we have a girl, their name will be _____________."

Plus, as tired as mom and dad both get, having it written down on paper so you make sure you spell it correctly for the case worker is always nice lol.

I think we put off figuring out a name for our second child until I was 8 months. At least she was a full-term baby because we just were running blank on names lol.

Tehnically he could start at the end of March with getting things ready, but babies don't always hold on, either lol. The sooner the better, probably. It's nice to have everything there so there's less stress when it's closer to time.

Dad's can be nervous and I think perhaps they worry if they'll be a good dad like we worry about being a good mom.

OMG I sooo relate.
I have no experience with kids, but I know that this pregnancy is flying by and I feel like we need SOOOOO much and my husband has no interest whatsoever in spending money on baby stuff.. idk why??
We also can't agree on a name.. so thats not been talked about in a while too lol

At least it's not just us. Have you found out the gender yet?
I feel like once that's known then maybe at least in my husband's case, he'll start wanting to actually get things and prepare. I know everyone says we can always do gender neutral, but we just can't. I know if it's a boy my husband would love more if he got into his trade and if it's a girl more mine, although I'd love for both to get into art and games. Plus we've only agreed on the name Cyrus, which we wouldn't feel right naming a girl that. sweatdrop

That sounds terrible for your job to treat you that way sad being constantly called in on days off isn't all that fun, either. It sounds like you've been doing your best work all this time and now that things aren't going the way everyone else wants they blame you. Jobs like that just eat you away, the stress is real.

To think pregnant women have it easier rolleyes what's wrong with people?

Yeah, you totally can't prepare pregnancies between one woman to the next - they're not all the same situation.

That's sad that your boss told you to get over it sad is there an HR Department that you're able to reach out to that's above her?

That's definitely not good sad any employer that feels okay telling lies to their employees is capable of so much more corruption.

Oh, I see about the HR thing. It's harder to do anything after a point. Although, if they had sent out something saying the bullying needs to stop and it's been some time after that and it still hasn't stopped, it wouldn't hurt to bring it to the attention of HR's attention because it's more of harassment issue at that point.

Insurance is definitely nice to have with baby because labor and delivery isn't cheap. Although, most hospitals will offer a payment plan if it came down to that, but it's still quite a bit to owe. Not having to pay that or not having to pay the full cost is nice.

It's definitely hard to get insurance when switching jobs, too, because of sometimes the time frames involved before benefits kick in.

Benefits are definitely harder to acquire through a small business - they aren't ever cheap for employers to offer to employees. It's quite awful...wish benefits or medical in general was a bit more affordable for people.